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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 5 of 5. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by DisTraught on March 26, 2007, at 5:57:59
I've seen my T five times. The 2nd session he said we could probably see each other more than five times (company insurance says five sessions). I asked my boss who said 8 sessions. I then went back to T for THIRD session, he asked if I'd ever solved a problem without reading a book (an affront, I've had a severely dysfunctional upbringing). He then said we could have a FINAL fourth session, that I can go on acting like Florence Nightingale and that I am unassertive. I was in a state of shock and went all numb. I cried for weeks, and it took six weeks till I saw him again. I gave him a lecture on my life.
Other people would have shrugged and said: The man's a jerk. Instead, I go home and analyse to pieces, feel extremely provoked and sensitive. So I overreact and waste energy. Any ideas what I can do?Penny
Posted by gazo on March 26, 2007, at 9:00:40
In reply to I overreact - do you?, posted by DisTraught on March 26, 2007, at 5:57:59
(((((Penny)))))
That is awful. I'd be really upset too. :( I am so sorry that happened.
But don't blame yourself for this... this T sounds like he is very disorganized and obviously not tuning in to how you might feel. He also seems very unaware of something *very* important:
the therapist-client relationship is a very special one. It isn't a friendship and it isn't like a doctor-patient thing either. It is complicated and it puts the client in a position of trust or attempted trust of the therapist. You are holding out your feelings, no matter how little you say, by even going to therapy. It is meant to do that. By being so uninformed, disorganized and uncaring he is essentially rejecting you when you are vulnerable. It's completely unacceptable IMO.
It sure would be nice if it didn't hurt, or if you could just let it roll off you.. but I completely understand why it didn't go that way. It's just not your fault or some defect of who you are. To me this shows you had really wanted help and you have feelings like everyone else. I think your reaction is perfectly appropriate given the dynamic.
If it were me, and it isn't, I would call the insurance co, or your company person who handles that. Find out. Ask for a copy of your policy so you have it in print. Then I would see a different T if possible. *IF* I was able to work up the courage I would write a letter to the first T very calmly explaining how his disregard made you feel. Maybe a new T could help with that.
I am so very sorry. You must be so hurt.
Posted by Dinah on March 26, 2007, at 9:06:41
In reply to I overreact - do you?, posted by DisTraught on March 26, 2007, at 5:57:59
Well, unless I also overreact, I don't think you overreacted at all. I know therapists sometimes use "tough love" to shake a client out of a rut, and I even know that it works with some clients.
But it by absolutely no means works with all clients, and I see absolutely no way a therapist would know by the third session if it would be useful for you. And it is a very confident therapist who assumes he knows by the third session everything about you, or enough about you to be so blunt.
I imagine that given the constraints of insurance company rules, that he feels like he needs to have a quick therapy that produces maximum results. I feel for him being caught in such an unpleasant situation but I feel more for you.
The best I can say is that he probably helps some clients, while unfortunately hurting others.
BTW, what's so darn bad about reading books? Researching something new before you do it seems wise, not abnormal, to me.
I don't think you overreacted or are overly sensitive. I think your therapist might have overreacted and been insensitive. These are supposedly professionals. It's only natural that we should put extra weight on what they say, even if we also realize that they may not be correct.
Can you find someone with a different approach for the remaining sessions?
BTW, after a few sessions with a therapist somewhat like that, I asked him if he thought he could work with me given the feelings he apparently had for me. He turned it around and asked if I thought I could work for him given the feelings I apparently had for him. I told him perhaps, but I couldn't work with someone who behaved the way he did to me, and I walked out. Which was a shame since he was the only practitioner of biofeedback in the area. But the results were getting messed up because he was so... direct. He'd walk in and my physical feedback would go off the charts and he'd fuss at me for it. Then he'd insult me or my therapist. I suppose it *might* have been a part of the training. Introduce an aversive element and see if they could control the physical responses. But he should have waited a few sessions until I got better at it before introducing such a challenge.
Posted by michellemybell on April 1, 2007, at 21:18:08
In reply to I overreact - do you?, posted by DisTraught on March 26, 2007, at 5:57:59
I think many people might say "he is a jerk, why is she wasting her time thinking about him, rumminating, etc." But it's different when you are the person involved. I know I would analyze that (ur experience with ur t) to pieces, but I analyze what my therapist says all the time also(but luckily I finally found one who I have a good relationship with!) What he said was hurtful and inconsiderate, and it's understandable to feel how you do. It's not completley odd, considering that I have felt that way, as have many other. but there are people who can cope with that better, or who can find another therapist (which is hard to do if you attach to someone emotionally-no matter how much of a jerk they are). If you want to hear my stories of "over reacting" I have many so that you know ur not alone. I am so much better now (from 2 years ago), and attribute a lot of this to the work i did with a great therapist who i had for year (we terminated because it was the end of his internship--and it was the first "good" goodbye i ever had with a therapist), as well as with the one I have now. My old one referred me to this one, and they both have similar therapeutic styles (which makes a huge difference i think). Considering that you are sensitive to what your therapist says about and thinks of you, it may be a great opportunity to try and find a therapist who is interested in "object relations", transference" as oppossed to cbt, or specific goal oriented therapy that is limited to few sessions. In-fact, if your interested-I can probably get referral info for you. I guess I just remember how horrible I used to feel with a certain therapist, and how i thought my feelings/ thoughts were wierd/bad/unreasonable/unsubstantiated. And now I know that that was BS, and that my therapist was very limited in many ways (didnt reflect on what I say about her, or her own thoughts; was critical and insensitive; had her own issues that she wasnt so aware of). Im so glad im away from that place, and even if i do dabble in over analyzing some interaction, my therapist is interested and explore it with me, and works through it with me, and then its not so bad--and its better progressively. Let me (us) know how things are, and let me know if u want refferals or anything too. Take care!
Posted by DisTraught on April 2, 2007, at 10:33:52
In reply to Re: I overreact - do you?, posted by michellemybell on April 1, 2007, at 21:18:08
Thanks! But I went back and had the best session ever:) For the first time I was able to tell him exactly how I reacted. He said he was amazed, as he hadn't detected even the slightest reaction in me. So when I brought out slips with "You said" and bubbles w "I thought" and then emoticons showing how I felt, followed by my final analysis of the whole situation, I was very pleased and he was able to help me see things. If he hadn't inadvertently walked all over me I wouldn't have been the wiser. I'm pleased as punch!
Penny
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