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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 12 of 12. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Llurpsie_Noodle on February 21, 2007, at 22:40:58
pdoc's got no magic answers for me. What was I expecting? Instead wanted to make sure that I wasn't blaming all my woes on medication issues rather than "scrutinizing" psychological factors that may have precipitated latest crisis.
pissed me off too, because I felt like he was trying to tell me "it's all in your head" (even though he wasn't) afterwards I felt angry (been a long time since me and anger had a chit chat) and angry that I was PROJECTING [projectile vomit]
and wrote pdoc an email
Basically I realized as I wrote it that I was initiating crisis as a reaction to some stress I've been having with diss and therapy and the bad stuff is bubbling up again. And that in my family the best way to get any care or attn was to be sick (physically, not mentally). And that I've basically been waiting for my T to stop being nice to me, because that's my mom's thing- be nice really nice and then neglect and then nice and then neglect.
barf and now I'm doing the whole "transference" thing. BARF. BARF-o-LA
and the dosages just got changed again. So. what? I'm SO out of it. been starting diss work at 6am every am. that's not healthy. T said I gotta take better care of myself. and here I am. sleep deprived, agitated...
transference
the concept is nice in abstraction.
turns my stomach in context.blech.
gnight.
Posted by sleepygirl on February 21, 2007, at 23:04:49
In reply to Ack! I HATE psychology, posted by Llurpsie_Noodle on February 21, 2007, at 22:40:58
awww...lurpsie
it's gonna be ok
and yeah that transference crap is a big pain in the peh-tootie, yes sireee
take care,
sg
Posted by littleone on February 21, 2007, at 23:27:02
In reply to Ack! I HATE psychology, posted by Llurpsie_Noodle on February 21, 2007, at 22:40:58
Yes, transference is a very barf-o-la blech word. And I always feel mad at myself/the world when I realise I'm stuck in transference rather than having a perfectly reasonable reaction to *just* the current situation.
So I never try to think of it as transference. I try to see it as an opportunity. An opportunity to identify a pattern in my life. An opportunity to find a reason why I find some things hard/painful/hurtful/infuriating/etc.
Learning to see your patterns and understand them can help your head a bit. I find my emotions still find the situation real hard. I guess it would stay hard emotionally until you've managed to change the pattern.
Stick with it Llurpsie. You'll get there. I know you've struggled a lot lately. Sorry I've been in hiding and haven't replied to you.
Please do take care of yourself. This includes basic things like improving your sleep and eating okay. As well as building up safety. And doing good things for yourself, being gentle with yourself.
I'm not exactly sure what you mean by "diss". Are you saying you're dissociating a lot, or are you using that as shorthand for something else (eg dissertion or something?).
Be gentle and take things slowly. You're doing some good work here Llurpsie.
Posted by Llurpsie_Noodle on February 22, 2007, at 7:01:56
In reply to Re: Ack! I HATE psychology » Llurpsie_Noodle, posted by littleone on February 21, 2007, at 23:27:02
Hi littleone,
hiding is good. it's underrated, in fact. Just use the hiding time productively, not destructively.I use diss to talk about dissertation and dissertating.
I use dissociation to talk about dissociation and things that I mistakenly interpret as dissociation.
for now, I'm "associated" and going back to the diss work. I've got a meeting with my advisor in a bit.
-Ll
Posted by Llurpsie_Noodle on February 22, 2007, at 8:09:51
In reply to Re: Ack! I HATE psychology » Llurpsie_Noodle, posted by sleepygirl on February 21, 2007, at 23:04:49
sleepy,
I have been missing babble chat, mostly cause I don't get to hang out with cool sleepy people.hope you're doing okay
i've been dabbling in the babblechat some evenings. maybe I'll see you around?
((((sleepygirl))))
-Ll
Posted by one woman cine on February 22, 2007, at 14:21:47
In reply to Re: Ack! I HATE psychology » sleepygirl, posted by Llurpsie_Noodle on February 22, 2007, at 8:09:51
Hope your feeling better.
Posted by Llurpsie_Noodle on February 22, 2007, at 14:55:49
In reply to Re: Ack! I HATE psychology, posted by one woman cine on February 22, 2007, at 14:21:47
I told T about transference. It was a really good session.
we talked about how i put her in the mother-role and stuff like that. i feel better about it now. also feel proud because she said that I put into words very well the stuff that we're working on in therapy. (had a minor spat with pdoc who I misunderstaood yesterday). I ended up thinking about what therapy's all about. and I wrote it down and emailed it to T and pdoc. T said it's really good. so I guess I'll share with you guys.
********
So what kind of stuff am I working on in therapy?
-staying motivated and organized to write dissertation (hard enough, I guess without other sh*t going on)
-managing my personal relationships, which suffer from my tendency to pretend like everything's happy and fine for long periods punctuated by my putting myself into a position where I reenact or solicit abusive behavior from others (like my diss advisor, my parents, my husband and others) and the subsequent reaction to being mistreated
-getting to know my own tendencies:
to avoid potentially rewarding situations
to punish myself for situations that are out of my control
to dissociate my way out of an intense situation, even when I could experience mastery by using my strengths
and numb any emotions, even the good ones
-getting to trust others to help me, especially since I've been fending for my own personal safety and welfare since I was five or so.
-learning to acknowledge my strengths and accept compliments (self-esteem crap)
-whatever other random crap life throws at me
************she said my therapy is going really well, and that we're where she thinks I should be given how long we've been working together.
Can I get a pink sparkly star for that?
-Ll
Posted by peddidle on February 22, 2007, at 18:12:47
In reply to ooooh good session » one woman cine, posted by Llurpsie_Noodle on February 22, 2007, at 14:55:49
I'll give you one pink sparkly star for being where your T thinks you should be in therapy...and one purple sparkly star for accepting her statement as a compliment!
Posted by ElaineM on February 22, 2007, at 18:56:34
In reply to Re: ooooh good session, posted by peddidle on February 22, 2007, at 18:12:47
:) Yes, pink stars for you.
Good working-through.
(((LL)))
blove, El
Posted by widget on February 22, 2007, at 22:09:54
In reply to ooooh good session » one woman cine, posted by Llurpsie_Noodle on February 22, 2007, at 14:55:49
Good for you. I am sincerely happy for you. Its good to hear that someone is having a good therapy experience. You sound very insightful and like you are making real progess. Keep up the good work! Widget
Posted by Fallsfall on February 25, 2007, at 8:02:43
In reply to ooooh good session » one woman cine, posted by Llurpsie_Noodle on February 22, 2007, at 14:55:49
Well, if you squosh those symbols together you get stars, don't you? If you look at them through rose colored glasses, they might look pink...
You are doing really good work. Be proud of yourself!
Posted by Llurpsie_Noodle on February 25, 2007, at 10:34:22
In reply to /\x- /\x-, posted by Fallsfall on February 25, 2007, at 8:02:43
> Well, if you squosh those symbols together you get stars, don't you? If you look at them through rose colored glasses, they might look pink...
>
> You are doing really good work. Be proud of yourself!Awwww-- thanks Falls,
here's how I can make them look pink and sparkly
1) take rozerem the night before
2) stare at the /\x for a while (black font, white screen)
3) then look at a bright white wallthe afterimage is light and bright and the rozerem adds the sparkles. (and the zzz's)
(((Falls)))
I think I saw a cute counselor at Camp Comfort. I believe he's the soccer instructor. Of course, since I'm not athletic, I'll just sit on the sidelines and watch...
-Ll
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