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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 11 of 11. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by bent on February 7, 2007, at 15:11:49
I’m upset right now. I had therapy today. It was ok, I didn’t talk about much. The whole five years of my therapy have involved my pushing and pulling the relationship with my T. Some times it's not so bad, sometime it’s severe and painful. It mostly seems to be around a lot of maternal transference issues.
I don’t think I can take it anymore. Almost like I need a break. I have been sitting here crying trying to figure how to let go. I don’t understand why it’s so painful and why it’s so distracting. I am at work right now, I should be working. I have school work to do too. My heart is hurting instead as I try to ‘understand’ how my feelings are so wrapped up in this therapy.
What do you do when it hurts this much? When my next appointment is 8 days away and that feels like a year? When therapy is too distracting and seeming unhealthy? How do I call my T and say I just can’t do this anymore? How do I let go? Will this stop hurting?
Sorry for all the questions. I guess I should have been asking these during my session today instead of stumbling over irrelevant stuff. I wish I could tell her how much I hurt right now.
Posted by happykat on February 7, 2007, at 15:59:10
In reply to pushing and pulling on therapy, posted by bent on February 7, 2007, at 15:11:49
((((((((((((bent)))))))))))))
Therapy is so hard sometimes. Especially when you really care about you t and you're dealing with all of the emotional baggage that goes along with maternal transference.
>>What do you do when it hurts this much?<<
I find writing my feelings and thoughts down and shredding them to be helpful. I also write down stuff and take it in to my t to read. I also like to keep myself distracted with activities as much as possible when I go through these sorts of periods.
Is there something else going on in your life right now that could be causing you to want to pull away from therapy. The times that I've quit, I did so because other emotions and stuff were surfacing and I was trying to run. If that's the case you might want to stay with therapy. Have you talked to your t recently about any of these feelings?
Be well and stay safe.
Regards,
Kat
Posted by JoniS on February 7, 2007, at 22:45:46
In reply to pushing and pulling on therapy, posted by bent on February 7, 2007, at 15:11:49
... My heart is hurting instead as I try to ‘understand’ how my feelings are so wrapped up in this therapy.
I'm dealing with this too.
>> What do you do when it hurts this much? When my next appointment is 8 days away and that feels like a year?
Exactly!When therapy is too distracting and seeming unhealthy? How do I call my T and say I just can’t do this anymore? How do I let go? Will this stop hurting?
Don't quit with your therapy. I think you are right on the verge of some serious growth. I do the same as you ... seems unhealthy and its distracting...
> Sorry for all the questions. I guess I should have been asking these during my session today instead of stumbling over irrelevant stuff. I wish I could tell her how much I hurt right now.
>I do that too! You know what you need to do, you just said it -- tell her how muck you hurt right now -- well wait til daytime, but call her and tell her, so that you will work on it next session and not "stumble over irrelevant stuff"
Yes, I need to take my own advice. I am really tired of going to therapy, being afraid to be really open about how I feel about my T, and leaving and counting down the days til I see him again. I worry that he will reject me, or even if he doesn't I'll receive it as rejection. I fight these feeling that I cant talk to him because he will be bored or disgusted or irritated or ....
thanks for your post and good luck!
Posted by Dis Traught on February 8, 2007, at 0:12:54
In reply to pushing and pulling on therapy, posted by bent on February 7, 2007, at 15:11:49
Crafting does it for me. After a session when I was extremely upset I went out and bought knitting yarn, beads and what not to keep my mind occuppied. I made seven scarves (only working in the evenings) in a little over two weeks! I didn't do anything complicated, just simple stuff that would be slightly distracting while I was thinking. It helped! It helped me think and I felt good about myself afterwards:)
Penny
Posted by bent on February 8, 2007, at 7:47:52
In reply to Re: pushing and pulling on therapy » bent, posted by happykat on February 7, 2007, at 15:59:10
Writing has been one of the most beneficial things to my therapy. But I havent been able to write in months. It gets me no where and its frustrating recently. I dont know what happened.
My T and I are pretty open about my fluctuating feelings. I think I really should have talked about these feelings this week but didnt and that makes it hurt more.
I am sure there are 'things' that are making me want to run from therapy right now, but i think more than that my mind keeps telling to take a break. That I am too distracted with therapy and it isnt healthy. I dont know.
Posted by happykat on February 8, 2007, at 8:45:59
In reply to Re: pushing and pulling on therapy » happykat, posted by bent on February 8, 2007, at 7:47:52
hey bent,
There's nothing wrong with taking a break for a while. I took the month of December off. It was weird the first week but got easier and I thought of my t less as the month wore on. My t says sometimes you need to take a break and go out and live a little and then come back to whatever it is you're working on later. You just have to be mindful of the underlying reasons why you want to take the break. Good luck!Regards,
happykat :)
Posted by one woman cine on February 8, 2007, at 8:52:51
In reply to Re: pushing and pulling on therapy » happykat, posted by bent on February 8, 2007, at 7:47:52
Sometimes pushing and pulling is normal - sometimes not.
I think you have to trust your gut & your intuition. Therapy is hard but it isn't your whole life either - I learned that the hard way.
I think if you are feeling like its a push and pull & feeling pre-occupied more than usual (or frequently) - you need to address this with the therapist. I dunno, could be an impasse, could be a normal flux.
The therapy relationship should not be source of unremmitting pain either (I learned that the hard way too).
Thinking of you.
Posted by bent on February 8, 2007, at 10:41:41
In reply to pushing and pulling on therapy, posted by bent on February 7, 2007, at 15:11:49
I wrote this to my T. I just dont know if I should send it or not. I dont want to be confusing.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Apparently I have resorted to letter writing. My attempts to write anything recently haven’t gotten me anywhere. I’ll see how this goes…I’m confused, upset, sad—the list is long. And while usually, or at least with a few tries, I can explain it to you, recently I just haven’t been very good at explaining.
I know I don’t help myself any by avoiding stuff or trying to push it away. I don’t think I have ever tried to push you or our relationship away as much as I am right now. And I think this is where I am getting tangled in trying to explain. As much as I want to push you away, I am also afraid I’m going to succeed at it. It’s like I’m trying to get rid of something that I am scared to death of losing. I don’t get it. There is something so hard and painful about our relationship right now and I don’t know what it is. Sometimes I am afraid to come to our appointments but then an hour later it hurts to leave. I will feel sad, like I miss something or miss you, but how can that be?? That doesn’t make sense either. These are the things that, when I am sitting with you, seem irrational, and I feel foolish or embarrassed to even talk about. But later these are the very things that seem to hurt. The things that tell me to keep pushing all this away—then it wont hurt so much. I should know better, I know.
So then I think, is this even healthy? Should this be so distracting that I am sitting at work writing a letter to my therapist because I’m upset? I’m not saying I have completely disregarded my job because of this- I don’t exactly have a full day today, but still.
I’ve been debating since about 30 minutes after our session yesterday whether to call you. As much as I want to, I have no idea what I’d say….That I want to quit therapy altogether? No, I don’t think I can do that. I mean at first that seems like the answer to me but it’s also what I’m afraid of. I could say I want a break. That seems easier and less permanent, but still difficult. I don’t know how to let go. I don’t know if I should even be worrying about letting go. That’s seems to be the question I find hardest. I can’t write it without crying. How am I ever going to let go of this?
Of course, I’m thinking of other times I’ve fallen into this push/pull rut, and how usually there is something else going on or contributing. Even though right now it doesn’t seem like it, I know that this only minimally has to do with ‘you’ and ‘our’ relationship. That really doesn’t help how I feel right now. I can only think of a few things that might be a source of conflict or something I’d rather run from. They might be a stretch but not something to get into in a letter.
So now I am wondering what to do with this letter. Bring it in next week and read it like we have others? I really don’t think I can wait until next Thursday. Maybe I will call. Or maybe I’ll mail it. Then I won’t avoid it. I’ll think about it.
I think I do want/need a break. Maybe. I’m hoping you can help me figure out what might be best. As much as I want, yet don’t want a break at the same time, I think it may be best for me.
If I have mailed this and you’ve read this far, thank you. I know I have pushed & pulled and loved & hated our relationship many times over the past few years. I just want you to know I am always grateful for your patience.
Posted by one woman cine on February 8, 2007, at 10:43:23
In reply to should i mail this letter??, posted by bent on February 8, 2007, at 10:41:41
Yes.
But I'm wondering, can you read it her over phone?
I think she needs to hear this and maybe you need to say it.
Posted by LittleGirlLost on February 8, 2007, at 11:28:16
In reply to pushing and pulling on therapy, posted by bent on February 7, 2007, at 15:11:49
(((Bent)))
I can't get into much now because I'm at work and it's quite painful (as you know), but I wanted to let you know that I can relate to everything you said - including that which you wrote in your letter.
It's interesting that you say that your appt that is 8 days away feels like a year away. I say the same thing, and did in fact last week. It's so hard to go, and worry about leaving - it's painful every week. And I also find myself asking myself the same questions you are.
I'm sorry you are hurting, but I can totally relate. (I also think you should send the letter!)
LGL
Posted by LittleGirlLost on February 8, 2007, at 13:09:21
In reply to should i mail this letter??, posted by bent on February 8, 2007, at 10:41:41
> As much as I want to push you away, I am also afraid I’m going to succeed at it. It’s like I’m trying to get rid of something that I am scared to death of losing. I don’t get it. There is something so hard and painful about our relationship right now and I don’t know what it is. Sometimes I am afraid to come to our appointments but then an hour later it hurts to leave. I will feel sad, like I miss something or miss you, but how can that be??
*I can relate to so much of what you said, but this part especially made me tear up.
(((Bent)))
lgl
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