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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 12 of 12. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Karolina on December 3, 2006, at 16:12:58
Just curious about what your experiences are and have been doing a lot of thinking about this subject lately: How long have you been seeing your T for? My mother (who has never been in therapy herself) doesnt understand why I'm still in therapy. I've been with my T for about 2 and half years now.
And do any of you ever feel threatened by the fear of: If you are feeling better, then things should end. If you are still feeling bad, then things should end, because you need a new T.
Maybe that is just from my mom's comments messing with my head but I feel kind of lost. This kind of subject may have been posted before but anyways thanks for any responses.
PS I hope you all are doing well, sorry I havent been around in a reallly long time, I've been doing 'OK' but could be better...
-Karolina-
Posted by muffled on December 3, 2006, at 18:33:36
In reply to How long????, posted by Karolina on December 3, 2006, at 16:12:58
Well took me over a year to even actually mostly trust my T. And someof me still don't. But mostly i do.
I been mebbe 1 1/2 yr?, mebbe 1 3/4 ? or so. And I still can't say lotsa stuff. She still trying to help me learn to be stabilized and safe. She still teaching me basics that I forget. And now that I no longer dissociate so much during sessions I now learning lots more. My T suggested a while back that I go every two weeks. Then we got into some 'stuff', and now she's planning ahead for me for when she goes away in MARCH. So go figger.
I reckon you done when you done, or until you can't afford it no more.
y T says we are a work in progress our WHOLE lives. But that don't mean we need a T our whole lives! She sAYS HER job, is to work herself OUT of a job, so I can go forth on my own.
Take care,
Muffled
Posted by TherapyGirl on December 3, 2006, at 20:30:05
In reply to How long????, posted by Karolina on December 3, 2006, at 16:12:58
21.5 years, with a 6-year break after year 11. Then back for 4.5 years.
You need it when you need it and I think we will each know when we're done.
Posted by inimitable on December 3, 2006, at 21:05:59
In reply to Re: How long???? » Karolina, posted by TherapyGirl on December 3, 2006, at 20:30:05
hey, i have been seeing my T for almost a year, not quite a year yet though. and i tell you, I am just NOW starting to feel a connection to him. and i was going to have to leave this town i am in (and him) in the middle of Dec, but plans changed. he was concerned about my plans to move (it a VERY long story) and suggested that instead of moving, i stay here, because the reason i was going to move and the plans i had made, they fell through, and it made me a mess, but i was still planning on moving anyways, even though i had no reason to. but he told me he was really concerned about me, being without a therapist, and he knew that even though he would try to help me find one before i were to move, that the new therapist wouldn't be much help, because i wouldn't really open up to the new T. and my T knew this, and CARED about me!!! i was so happy when i found that out, because he cares about me, and because i was really going to miss him when i left.
i agree with the others, it should be a choice between you and you T, don't midn what others may say about how long therapy should last...you'll know when you're ready to be without your T :)
Therapists ROCK!!!!*inimitable
Posted by annierose on December 3, 2006, at 22:09:13
In reply to How long????, posted by Karolina on December 3, 2006, at 16:12:58
I think if your parents have not been to therapy, it's hard for them to understand that this can be a long term process. And it's not easy to walk away for a relationship where you feel warmly understood.
Even my non therapy friends don't quite understand but that is okay. They don't have to. I don't discuss it with them either.
I have seen the same therapist many years during two different times in my life. And I don't regret it. It just it.
Posted by Karolina on December 4, 2006, at 0:15:16
In reply to How long????, posted by Karolina on December 3, 2006, at 16:12:58
Thanks you guys for your responses. Hope I am not being rude by writing a more 'general' response instead of ones to you individually...I agree; you need it when you need it and I shouldn't let what my mom says interfere or put pressure on me. I think a lot of it has to do with her never being in it before, not knowing what it is like and stuff.
Anyway I felt kind of stupid making a whole other post and I've posted a lot about it before so I didn't want to take up space and chance getting on people's nerves about it BUT it has to do with a transference issue towards my T. Or actually it may be even more than that.
It's kind of hard to quote out of context but basically we talk a lot about my feelings of attraction towards him (which he says he feels flattered by) and he compliments me a lot on my appearance. (But the thing is that I disagree with him totally, and it makes me feel conceited quoting him, but I promise I don't mean for it to sound this way) But the other day he had said he thought I was attractive, pretty, that if he were my same age, that he would be attracted to me. But that since he's my T he is in a dilemma; that he 'doesn't want to deny me of these things' but that he's also my doctor, so much older, married, etc. I don't know why I am up late thinking about it but does that sound like an odd thing for him to say?
Thanks,
-Karolina-
Posted by annierose on December 4, 2006, at 5:30:33
In reply to Re: How long????, posted by Karolina on December 4, 2006, at 0:15:16
Not hearing the exact context is difficult to judge. But from how you describe it, it does sound slightly provoking. Almost as if he is giving you hope that he desires to be with you.
I have never seen a male t so I am not a probably good judge of how that conversation should sound.
Letting you know you are attractive is one thing. Telling you that he is attracted to you is another. I think that is the difference.
Posted by muffled on December 4, 2006, at 9:51:25
In reply to Re: How long????, posted by Karolina on December 4, 2006, at 0:15:16
> It's kind of hard to quote out of context but basically we talk a lot about my feelings of attraction towards him (which he says he feels flattered by) and he compliments me a lot on my appearance. But the other day he had said he thought I was attractive, pretty, that if he were my same age, that he would be attracted to me. But that since he's my T he is in a dilemma; that he 'doesn't want to deny me of these things' but that he's also my doctor, so much older, married, etc. I don't know why I am up late thinking about it but does that sound like an odd thing for him to say?**Karolina,
I agree w/you, its hard to take it out of context.
But I have said something similiar to a young man of my aquaintance. I ABSOLUTELY meant nothing but kindness to him, there was NO other intent whatsoever. It was motherly on my part. Good gravy I hope he didn't take it wrong! Aaack!
But anyways, to me it sounds like your t cares very much for you, and perhaps what he means by 'he don't want to deny you these things', is that he is afraid that your connection with him may preclude you having connection with other men that you could connect with. I suspect this may be the case. This SO parallels the same things I myself have said.
Anyhow, thats MY opinion.
Take care,
Muffled
Posted by Karolina on December 5, 2006, at 23:13:18
In reply to How long????, posted by Karolina on December 3, 2006, at 16:12:58
things like: "If I were to say to you 'you're sexy' or 'I want to have sex with you' - I would hope you would fire me", "It feels great walking around at my age knowing that hey, this really cute 20 year old likes me", "You wish you could get me to break down, just one time" (in reference to me seducing him...)
There's other stuff too but I might have posted about some of the other comments before so I hate to be annoying and repeat everything. I guess I'm just really confused as to how he really and truly feels about me...
But thanks annierose and muffled for your opinions.
Annierose: I agree, it did feel like a kind of provoking thing for him to say, like kind of leading me on, but on the other hand, as you pointed out muffled - I could have read it wrong. Maybe he was just trying to be nice and not let me feel damaged by being rejected...it's so confusing. anyways thanks you guys for responding-Karolina-
Posted by muffled on December 5, 2006, at 23:38:13
In reply to he's also said..., posted by Karolina on December 5, 2006, at 23:13:18
Hmmmmmmmm.
Those other comments are a little provacative seeming.
I must say it seems a little innappropriate some of those coments.
I think you need to make it VERY clear to him that you find some of his comments a little ambiguous.
Mebbe you could print out this thread for him?
I mean he *could* just be joking I suppose, but then considering his age and sex and position, I just don't think its appropriate.
>"If I were to say to you 'you're sexy' or 'I want to have sex with you' - I would hope you would fire me",That almost seems like he's warning you off????
Be VERY careful, please.
I must admit to some concern for you upon reading those additional comments. :(
But really, all I have are a few words, so I don't know much. But if you have a gut feeling, trust your gut.
Muffled
Posted by ElaineM on December 7, 2006, at 14:14:46
In reply to Re: he's also said... » Karolina, posted by muffled on December 5, 2006, at 23:38:13
Karolina, Long time no see :-)
No one in my family has ever understood either about why therapy takes "so long". I would say to try and not let family's comments bother you, or influence how long you stay, or how little. It's impossible for anyone else but the two of you to know what it's like in your sessions. They are outside of that box (I guess) and so they can't understand the exact context. But also cause, they aren't you and haven't lived your life. When my mom said stuff like that before, I've tried to remember that she probably doesn't know she's commenting blindly. Sometimes I find that "time" statements hurt cause I think they can sound like, "Ok, enough of that. Stop being broken. Indulgent self-pity Over!" But...
Maybe also your mom doesn't really understand therapy (if she's never been in it herself). I know my mother doesn't even know how to turn on a computer, so something as "wacky" as therapy is really beyond her, in a way.
About the comments he's making: He sounds like he's fighting with himself. Be careful [said the pot to the kettle - I know. sorry if I sound like a hypocrit. But still.] I wouldn't trust Him to protect you from his intentions, if that's what he has - I'd trust you to do it more. [Though maybe I'm jumping the gun - if you're alright with hearing stuff like that, and it doesn't bother you, then maybe it's not something you need to worry about - I don't want to layer my own feelings on your situation, ya know. You probably have a better sense of it than me]
But really, I don't know what else to say :( Write about it if it helps. Sorry I'm late to your thread, but glad to see you post again.
(((((((((K))))))))))
Thinking of you, cause I care.
blove EL
Posted by Karolina on December 13, 2006, at 23:46:56
In reply to How long????, posted by Karolina on December 3, 2006, at 16:12:58
Sorry Elaine and muffled for a late response.
muffled: I guess I probably should be careful about what he says. Some of the things he say do seem to border on being inappropriate at times. Like...one time we were talking about us and sex and he was telling me that he was 'slowing down in that department', that he's on some medications that interfere (if you know what I mean), and that he has enough trouble trying to keep up with his wife ! It felt weird to hear him talk about his sexuality/sexlife like that. Sometimes I think maybe he is taking my attraction to him personally ?? Thanks so much for your thoughts on this.
Elaine: thanks for your response, I've been thinking of you and wondering how you have been. I think thats exactly what it is - my mom just doesn't 'get' therapy and I think it's because she's never been in it (though I think she could benefit from some).
I'm wondering if my T maybe is fighting with himself. He seems to go back and forth between maybe taking my feelings for him personally and at other times almost acting too 'clinical', making statements like: "The boundaries are clear. I'm the doctor, you're the patient." Yet he seems to enjoy talking about the "if" statements...the "If i were to say to you, you're sexy...", "If we had sex..." and "if I was your age I'd be attracted to you" kind of statements.
It's all so confusing...thanks again you guys for your input on this, I might try to write more about it later.
bLove,
-Karolina-
This is the end of the thread.
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