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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 6 of 6. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by muffled on December 3, 2006, at 18:26:20
I dunno if I can explain this, but anyways...
So when people remember things from when they were a kid, does it feel to them like it was THEM? Or is it just like they know it was them cuz they have always known it was them?
I have a large emptyness of memory of kidhood.Only some weird random emotions. I have a very poor sense of time. I look at pics of me as a kid, and I can't quite make the connection in reality that that kid is ME. Cuz I never was a kid.
Somehow I don't think i doing well at this question.
Thanks for any replies, if you can figger this out.
Muffled
Posted by sunnydays on December 3, 2006, at 19:26:45
In reply to Nuther question, posted by muffled on December 3, 2006, at 18:26:20
Hi muffled,
For a long time it didn't really feel like it was me. I knew it was me because how else would I remember it having happened, but I felt sort of disconnected from it. But the more I talk with my T, the more the emotions are coming back. Once I got the emotions, it really started feeling like it was me. I think once you start being able to tolerate the emotions, it will feel more like you. Our minds have incredible ways of protecting us from our memories until we are ready and can handle them.
I do think it is hard looking at pictures of when you were a kid, especially because pictures are often taken at happy times and if you associate a lot of unhappiness with your childhood it can feel like there's a disconnect between your memory and the picture. At least for me that's what happens, and it doesn't feel like I could be the happy kid opening her birthday presents and the kid I remember running away from her mother so she couldn't kick her.
So, I identify a little with your feeling of disconnectedness. It sounds like your mind is protecting you very well. Don't try to rush the process of opening up. You will remember and feel more connected when you are ready. If you try to force it, it could make you really upset.
Wishing you peace, muffled. Wishing us all peace.
sunnydays
Posted by bil on December 3, 2006, at 21:13:42
In reply to Nuther question, posted by muffled on December 3, 2006, at 18:26:20
No, I know exactly what you mean.
I look at photos of myself when I was a child, and it's really weird- I have no memories of them.there is one of me in front of a house where I lived for nearly a year, (when I was about 4?) and I cannot tell you one single detail of that house at all. Nothing. Just a big blank. Not even any feelings about it. That's the really worrying part.
Bil
Posted by muffled on December 3, 2006, at 21:41:09
In reply to Re: Nuther question ***abuse trigger*** » muffled, posted by sunnydays on December 3, 2006, at 19:26:45
Once I got the emotions, it really started feeling like it was me. I think once you start being able to tolerate the emotions, it will feel more like you.**Yeah, I sort of opposite, I got emotions but no memories. Its crazymaking cuz I don't know WHY on earth I have these crazy emotions? I've never allowed myself to really feel the bad ones. I can't. My security system kicks in and thats that.
>
> I do think it is hard looking at pictures of when you were a kid,
and it doesn't feel like I could be the happy kid opening her birthday presents and the kid I remember running away from her mother so she couldn't kick her.***:-( Sorry sunnydays :-( bout your Ma :-(
I have this thing in my head that I had a perfect fairytale childhood........
Part of my prob is that I don't wanto mess with my image. But I have been a bit. Talking to sisters and stuff. But there's nothing THAT bad. I don't understand me.
>
> So, I identify a little with your feeling of disconnectedness. It sounds like your mind is protecting you very well. Don't try to rush the process of opening up. You will remember and feel more connected when you are ready. If you try to force it, it could make you really upset.***You SO got that right. I get real crazy when we get too close. Then I goto back off awhile, cuz its just way too crazy in my head. I do stupid things. :-(
>
> Wishing you peace, muffled. Wishing us all peace.***EXACTLY. ALL of us peace. I wish for that too SD. Thank you.
Take care,
Muffled
Posted by muffled on December 3, 2006, at 21:49:36
In reply to Re: Nuther question, posted by bil on December 3, 2006, at 21:13:42
> No, I know exactly what you mean.
> I look at photos of myself when I was a child, and it's really weird- I have no memories of them.**Yeah, the blankness is sorta awful. Like I didn't even exist...
>
> there is one of me in front of a house where I lived for nearly a year, (when I was about 4?) and I cannot tell you one single detail of that house at all. Nothing. Just a big blank. Not even any feelings about it. That's the really worrying part.**Well, thats pretty young, lotsa people don't remember that young (I hope?).
I do know that some people remember in diff ways. Some may remeber smells, or emots, or colors etc.
Then theres those that remeber very little at all......**Nice to meet you,
Take care,
Muffled
Posted by happykat on December 4, 2006, at 21:33:36
In reply to Nuther question, posted by muffled on December 3, 2006, at 18:26:20
Hey Muffled,
You have to give your defenses some credit for doing a good job and keeping you safe! It sounds like something probably happened to you when you were pretty young. So your memory is probably fragmented. Its like putting a jigsaw puzzle together. You may have the emotions now and when the time is right and you truly feel safe you may get a few more pieces. You may get an image or sound or thought and at some point you may be able to string them together into a coherent picture of what happened to you.
It is frustrating to not know. But the body is an amazing machine and it does its best to protect you. It will come together for you when you're ready.
peace,
happykat : )
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