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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 15 of 15. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by pegasus on August 17, 2006, at 22:30:50
I'm being so stupid and annoying lately. My work situation really irritates me, and then I get all crabby, and do stupid things. Like today, I had an argument with the new woman at work, and then a therapy session and then a stupid meeting initiated by her where we all sat around and said, "uh, I dunno" and wasted our collective time. And then we had the company picnic, which I always stupidly go to, thinking it'll be fun, and it's just stressful.
And then my lovely family and I drove accross town to do an errand, and I forgot the address we were going to, and my husband got mad at me. And I *hate* it when he thinks I do dumb things. So I got all angry (at him and myself) and out of control, cause I agree that I was actually being pretty dumb, but I was mad at him for being mad at me about it. And while he went into the house to get the address, I SI-ed in the car, right in front of my daughter. I hope to god she didn't see what I was doing. But she definitely knew I was really upset.
So now I feel so stupid, and bad, but also annoyed at myself that I didn't hurt myself even worse. Does that make any sense? I'm so dumb sometimes.
That woman at work might have been right in our argument, by the way. I just didn't want to say so to her, because I really don't like her. Plus, I'm always willing to consider her point, but she's never willing to consider mine. I'm so stupid.
p
Posted by muffled on August 17, 2006, at 22:53:48
In reply to stupid, pissy and overwhelmed (trigger), posted by pegasus on August 17, 2006, at 22:30:50
Posted by Dinah on August 18, 2006, at 8:25:26
In reply to stupid, pissy and overwhelmed (trigger), posted by pegasus on August 17, 2006, at 22:30:50
You aren't stupid, but it does sound like you're seriously stressed. Everything you described sounds like severe stress. Been there, currently doing that.
Under stress we tend to revert to old coping mechanisms. Can you think of any of any healthy coping mechanisms you aren't using right now?
Ok, ok, I know that when I'm under a lot of stress, a side effect is that I just don't have the time to exercise or do yoga, even if I wanted to - which I don't.
But can you at least be nicer to yourself. Instead of berating yourself, can you nonjudgementally note that your cumulative stressors are outweighing your abilities to cope in a healthy manner? And wherever possible, seek to relieve some pressure and some stress. Even if it's as simple as taking a restroom break when things get heated or you find yourself ready to blow. It's legitimate, you need a moment's rest.
And remember, she's following someone who was recognized as being pretty darn good and valuable to the company. She might be feeling the need to exert her own control over the job. In other words, she might be feeling pretty stressed as well, and acting it out by being a bit of a jerk. It's a shame, but it happens. It's no reflection on you. She just needs to claim the fire hydrant.
Remember to breathe. Deeply and slowly.
Posted by pegasus on August 18, 2006, at 8:54:52
In reply to Re: overwhelmed » pegasus, posted by Dinah on August 18, 2006, at 8:25:26
Posted by llrrrpp on August 18, 2006, at 10:24:43
In reply to Re: overwhelmed » pegasus, posted by Dinah on August 18, 2006, at 8:25:26
((((Peg))))
you're definitely overwhelmed and stressed out right now. It sounds like your mind and body are in constant "fight/flight" mode. Well, I wonder if there's anything that you can do to break the cycle? Take a little extra time for yourself? Do some walking in the park? A bubble bath?
here's a pair of virtual fuzzy slippers for you. Take care
-ll
Posted by daisym on August 18, 2006, at 14:00:16
In reply to stupid, pissy and overwhelmed (trigger), posted by pegasus on August 17, 2006, at 22:30:50
Any post that contains 6 "stupids" and 3 "dumbs" tells me that you are being super harsh with yourself. My guess is that you are being much harsher than you need to be.
Stress and change make us do "dumb" (read = human) things, like forgetting stuff. There is a paralyzing effect of stress, not in the physical sense, but in the part of the brain that organizes, makes (good) decisions and feels in control of our environment and life. When that part doesn't work, it feels like EVERYTHING is crumbling around us.
So -- stress reduction is definately in order. Are there two or three little things that you can let go of or let someone else do, to give you more brain space and time for the things that are left? And I think you might want to tell your husband, "I'm overwhelmed so you need to back me up and not expect my usual attention to details. I need your help right now, however annoying the things I do or don't do might be."
As far as your daughter goes, I think it is good that you are aware that she will be watching you. And this should be as good an incentive as any to reduce the amount of SI you resort to, particular when you are caring for her. Can you think of a more "acceptable" substitute that will help you cope when things get that bad again? There are less extreme things - fingernail biting, chewing, pressure points or tapping that might work. I like Dinah's idea of big deep breaths too.
Mostly I want to say that I'm sorry things feel so out of control. These changes weren't necessary at work and now you have to deal with it over and over again. Perhaps increase your sessions for a little while? And, is it time to start looking for another job? Sometimes focusing on the search can help you care less about the daily angst on the job.
I'm glad you keep reaching out.
Hugs,
Daisy
Posted by Racer on August 19, 2006, at 10:10:39
In reply to stupid, pissy and overwhelmed (trigger), posted by pegasus on August 17, 2006, at 22:30:50
First of all, lemme just say -- if she won't consider your point of view, and you do consider hers, it doesn't sound as though *you're* the one who maybe ain't putting out a lot of brainpower here... And you know what, Peg? It's OK to say that someone else is not behaving well. You don't have to take it all on yourself, you know?
Trust me on this -- not *everything* is our fault.
I agree with -- sorry, brain burp, I think it was Daisy? -- who said that asking your husband for a little slack would be a good thing about now.
As for coping, though, that's really why I decided to post. You know what I used to do at the point my head was about to explode? I'd go into the Ladies Room -- yes, if anyone wonders, that was and is the appropriate door for me -- and ran cold water over my wrists until I started to feel calmer. I don't know if it was the cool water, or just the time away, but it did help. Maybe it'll help you, too?
(Maybe, if you try that, you could spend the time thinking about the people making suggestions for you right now? You know, "No matter how bad it is out there right this minute, a lot of Babblers care about me?")
Good luck.
Posted by pegasus on August 20, 2006, at 22:26:12
In reply to Re: overwhelmed, posted by llrrrpp on August 18, 2006, at 10:24:43
Thanks much for your ideas, ll. You're right, I need to find a way to take care of myself. It would be easier if my natural tendency wasn't to trash myself when I get stressed. I guess that's why I'm in therapy, right?
Thanks for the fuzzy slippers. I'll keep them on to remind me to be nice to myself.
peg
Posted by pegasus on August 21, 2006, at 12:09:01
In reply to Re: stupid, pissy and overwhelmed (trigger) » pegasus, posted by daisym on August 18, 2006, at 14:00:16
Thanks Daisy. You're always so encouraging and gentle. I'm feeling stubborn in my self loathing. It's hard to do the things that are good for me. I am trying for the sake of my daughter.
I told my husband that I'm very stressed about work. He agreed, but didn't understand that I was asking for some slack. I'll have to try again later.
I've never had much luck with finding substitutes for my SI, but I'll keep trying. I've upped my therapy frequency. I'm trying to hang out here more. I've identified safe people at work to go to and vent when I'm about to blow. But, yeah, long term I just need to find another job. Or wait this out until things change again. They seem to change every 6 months or so around here, so you never know.
Anyway, I'm also taking classes, which is saving my sanity. That one evening a week is heaven. I *love* my program. I figure if things get really bad, then I'll just quit and go to school full time for a while and finish that degree then get some totally different job. If I can get them to fire me (which might be fun), then I can even collect unemployment to help finance it.
OK, so I'm also using fantasy as a coping mechanism. :)
p
Posted by pegasus on August 21, 2006, at 12:14:48
In reply to Ugh » pegasus, posted by Racer on August 19, 2006, at 10:10:39
Thanks, Racer. Those are great ideas. I'll try it. Like I said to Daisy, I haven't had much luck with alternatives to SI, but I'm willing to keep trying. I just think about my daughter learning it from me, and I can't let that happen. I have to figure out how to model appropriate coping. Which means that I need to learn how to appropriately cope, at least when she's around.
It does help to realize that you guys care. In fact, your email really touched me. I don't think of myself as a babbler that other people care about. I think I don't post enough to be remembered. And I'm not so eloquent and warm as some. So, it's nice to see it written down that you care. Makes it harder to deny. :)
p
Posted by antigua on August 21, 2006, at 12:18:37
In reply to Re: Ugh » Racer, posted by pegasus on August 21, 2006, at 12:14:48
I care and I always read your posts. I learn a lot from you.
best,
antigua
Posted by pegasus on August 21, 2006, at 20:07:41
In reply to Re: Ugh » pegasus, posted by antigua on August 21, 2006, at 12:18:37
Wow, really? Thanks so much for saying so. :)
Posted by Dinah on August 22, 2006, at 9:52:47
In reply to Re: Ugh » Racer, posted by pegasus on August 21, 2006, at 12:14:48
I think you need to change your way of thinking about yourself. :)
I always take special interest in opening your posts, and I think of you as someone who speaks with a great deal of common sense and wisdom.
I knew you hadn't been posting as much lately, but I put it down to the increased demands of motherhood. And now I know, being a terrific asset to your company as well.
Posted by pegasus on August 22, 2006, at 11:48:57
In reply to Re: Ugh » pegasus, posted by Dinah on August 22, 2006, at 9:52:47
>> I always take special interest in opening your posts, and I think of you as someone who speaks with a great deal of common sense and wisdom.
Holy cow, are you serious? Well, I believe that you are, and thanks very much for letting me know that you feel this way. I truly would never describe myself like that in a million years. My relationship with common sense is like that popular girl in high school who talks to you in one class, and you like to think of her as a friend, but she really isn't. I mean, I have encounters with it, but no real relationship when it really counts.
Maybe my view of myself would be a good topic for therapy this week. Anyway, I'm smiling right now.
peg
Posted by Dinah on August 22, 2006, at 13:06:10
In reply to View of self » Dinah, posted by pegasus on August 22, 2006, at 11:48:57
That metaphor made me smile, so there's two of us smiling now. :)
It's a shame that we can't internalize how others see us.
This is the end of the thread.
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