![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 25 of 25. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by ElaineM on July 5, 2006, at 17:00:27
Hey Everyone, My life (outside of T) has been kinda spiraling lately - family issues, and suicidal impulses in relation to my medical condition. Anyways, I had a flare up and a breakdown two days ago, and was dangerously desperate. I decided to take some of your advice and I called up my physician's office and started bawling on the phone about how I needed to be seen the next day, because I had missed my last appointment. I've never done something so bold as to demand a time slot! (although maybe it doesn't count if I had to be crying at the same time) It's not that big a deal in reality, but for me it is huge.
The woman squeezed me in today and although my medical stuff couldn't be helped (I'm pretty much resigned to that) I started mentioning what happened the day she didn't show - how I ended up making an appointment elsewhere to talk to someone about professional regulations and confidentiality... I started hinting at what "policies" the other T and I were concerned with and she began probing a little.
So now she sort of knows the gist of what I wanted to say to her, and she said, as far as she knew, no name from me, meant no mandatory action on her part. She even asked me to read her the silly papers (I still carry around in my purse) before I left, but then thought that she should read up on the regulations again first. So I have another meeting with her Friday (my third last one ever!). I think I can share with her then. I'm really really going to try. And then she can tell me all the right words to say to fix things, and help him, and help me.
I know I'll be leaving her soon, but I'm so hopeful about being able to speak of my situation IN PERSON to someone! (even if it is only once) I hope I don't cry the entire time. If only I felt stronger physically, I could endure all this better.
I know I'll still hate myself after. I know I'll feel guilty and cry-babyish. I know I won't be able to look him in the eyes for a long time after. But I want so terribly to feel part of a team or something - like someone's fighting with me, for me. It's not gonna happen with my medical diagnosis but maybe with this? I'm both relieved and terrified of Friday, but I'm running out of time with her office. And I'm running out of endurance within myself. It just has to go well on Friday. I need it to. I need something to help me get through another week, month, whatever.
This is good news right? I was so excited to, but I don't think it sounds as great having written it out. Maybe my words are just failing me a little. Oh well, thanks for listening to me ramble about all this yet again.
El
Posted by sunnydays on July 5, 2006, at 17:10:38
In reply to I took a small piece of advice, posted by ElaineM on July 5, 2006, at 17:00:27
Oh, I'm so happy for you!! I know how it feels to just need something to hang on to, and I'm glad that you seem to have found someone who will be able to give that to you. I'm sorry that you won't be able to see her very much longer, though. Anyway, congratulations, and I hope she can give you the help you need on Friday.
sunnydays
Posted by annierose on July 5, 2006, at 18:14:44
In reply to I took a small piece of advice, posted by ElaineM on July 5, 2006, at 17:00:27
It's a huge first step. Congratulations for having the inner courage to speak up and ask for that appointment and then to share your story. It sounds like she wants to do the right thing for YOU. That is great.
Friday must seem like a long time away. I hope tomorrow can speed up for you. Good Luck,
Annierose
Posted by Dinah on July 5, 2006, at 19:43:37
In reply to I took a small piece of advice, posted by ElaineM on July 5, 2006, at 17:00:27
I'm glad you were able to call and ask for what you needed.
Why won't you be seeing this doctor much longer? I'm sorry. I must have missed this part of the story.
Posted by wishingstar on July 5, 2006, at 21:14:51
In reply to Re: I took a small piece of advice » ElaineM, posted by Dinah on July 5, 2006, at 19:43:37
I know I havent really posted any to you until now, but I've been following your story as you post... and I just wanted to say congratulations for your HUGE step today. It was definitely a step in the right direction. I'm sure it took a lot of courage, but you were able to do it. I'm thinking of you and I hope it works out for the best on Friday.
Posted by ElaineM on July 5, 2006, at 22:31:36
In reply to Re: I took a small piece of advice, posted by sunnydays on July 5, 2006, at 17:10:38
Thanks sunnydays, I've been needing something to keep me going. I can't even describe how awful it's been the past few days. I mean, I'm used to a certain base-level of pain and sadness but it's just been getting ridiculous. And maybe I'm building this up into something bigger than it is, but I'll take what I can get.
: ) Elaine
Posted by Karolina on July 5, 2006, at 22:40:09
In reply to I took a small piece of advice, posted by ElaineM on July 5, 2006, at 17:00:27
I’m so happy for you that you had the courage to do that and I hope you feel better soon. Good luck on Friday =)
-Karolina-
Posted by ElaineM on July 5, 2006, at 22:43:09
In reply to Re: I took a small piece of advice » ElaineM, posted by Dinah on July 5, 2006, at 19:43:37
Dinah: Sorry, I can never remember what I've already said or not. And I don't know why, but I'm really nervous about revealing certain details, even when I've already said way more personal things (but I guess I wasn't really thinking when I wrote my first post) But, the physician I see is affiliated with my school, and since I've graduated I'm already on borrowed time when it comes to using her services. It's kinda breaking my heart a bit to leave her. I've always been terrified of doctors and she's the only one I've really been to on a regular basis since my pediatrician when I was a kid. And she was the one who convinced me to go into treatment and start eating food again. Even my family abandoned me then. She was also the first person who taught me how to do therapy and learn to speak what I was feeling outloud. I can probably stretch the last few appointments out over the summer, but honestly, I miss her already. It would mean alot to me if she is able to help me out this way before I leave her behind.
Thanks for asking about her.
Elaine
Posted by ElaineM on July 6, 2006, at 6:48:01
In reply to Re: I took a small piece of advice » ElaineM, posted by annierose on July 5, 2006, at 18:14:44
Thanks Annierose, although I don't know if I'd define what I did as courageous. It came more from sheer desperation than bravery - I'm not in the greatest place right now.
I do think that today will last forever. It is an early morning appointment so at least I won't be waiting all day tomorrow. I feel so fuzzy this morning. I know everything will be fine. It'll be okay.
El
Posted by Dinah on July 6, 2006, at 9:36:21
In reply to Re: I took a small piece of advice » Dinah, posted by ElaineM on July 5, 2006, at 22:43:09
That stinks. It's so hard to find someone you really feel trust for.
I had a internist I really felt like I could talk to and I kept her for years even though I'm pretty sure she technically wasn't too good.
Having one that was both would be wonderful.
Posted by ElaineM on July 6, 2006, at 16:14:48
In reply to Re: I took a small piece of advice, posted by Karolina on July 5, 2006, at 22:40:09
wishingstar, Karolina, Thanks for the congrats. I feel like I'm gonna throw up already, but I've put this whole thing in motion and I can't really take that back now. I just keep saying over and over, "He won't know. He won't know". That and, "You won't be hurting him."
El
Posted by sunnydays on July 6, 2006, at 20:41:15
In reply to Re: advice, wishingstar, Karolina, posted by ElaineM on July 6, 2006, at 16:14:48
Just wanted to say good luck tomorrow! And remember, he won't know, and you definitely won't be hurting him. Try to take deep breaths. It'll be okay. You're being very brave to do this. Good luck.
Posted by MidnightBlue on July 6, 2006, at 21:08:32
In reply to I took a small piece of advice, posted by ElaineM on July 5, 2006, at 17:00:27
Elaine,
Good luck tomorrow! I'm so proud of you. He WON'T know unless you tell him. And no, he won't be hurt.
What do you plan to do after school? Do you have plans? A job? Worried about you......
Hugs,
MidnightBlue
Posted by Tamar on July 7, 2006, at 6:14:39
In reply to I took a small piece of advice, posted by ElaineM on July 5, 2006, at 17:00:27
Hi Elaine,
I’m really glad you got to see the doctor, and that she was sympathetic. After everything you’ve been through it was about time you got a little support!
> This is good news right? I was so excited to, but I don't think it sounds as great having written it out. Maybe my words are just failing me a little. Oh well, thanks for listening to me ramble about all this yet again.
Yes it is definitely good news. And however you felt when you wrote it, I have to say that reading it is great. It’s a sign of hope, and it’s definitely exciting. I can imagine you might feel a bit anxious as well as excited. But that’s to be expected.
I’m keeping my fingers crossed for you. Let us know how it goes.
Tamar
Posted by ElaineM on July 7, 2006, at 15:34:15
In reply to Re: I took a small piece of advice » ElaineM, posted by Tamar on July 7, 2006, at 6:14:39
I saw my doctor this morning. When I sat down she said, if you need to have a guarantee inorder to say what you need to, then I can promise that as long as I don't hear a name, I'm not obligated to report anything. So then I took out two bunches of papers. One was her goodbye letter, and the other was all about my T and I.
I told her I wouldn't be able to speak without reading it, cause I was soooo nervous. I was shaking like crazy, and my voice was all vibrating and everything. I had to turn away from her, then I read her her thank-you letter. It was incredibly hard. I let her know that seeing her each week, during the height of the anorexia, was the only thing that kept me alive. That she was the first to reaffirm my faith in the goodness of people (particularily adults) - that they could be gentle and kind, instead of violent and cruel. I told her how she taught me a whole new vocabulary, and way of thinking, and that I know I'm a better person for having known her. And then I also thanked her for helping me as much as she has, trying to figure out, and teaching me to cope with, this other illness I have now. (I hate even writing all this now, I miss her so much I want to throw up)
The whole time I was reading I was so worried that she was reading her computer, or staring out the window and not actually listening, but when I got to the beginning of the "T" part I turned around and she was crying! Her face was all red and she was wiping her eyes with kleenex. If I ever wanted to hug someone, or have them hug me, it was then! I wish I had had the courage to ask for one. My throat hurts when I think of how I missed my opportunity. (I was supposed to be able to see her a few more times, but she told me that she'd be on vacation by then).
Then I read the part about my T and I. It was really just a bunch of the posts from some of my threads, and I added some of the other stuff I had been too embarrassed to have come up on the board. She said basically the same stuff as what all of you said - I expected that. She said that if it was something I wanted and got comfort and unconditional support from, then she said I shouldn't have both relationships at once, because he could get it trouble. And she said that she would be worried that because I'm in such a poor state physically, and cause I'm losing her, and don't really have any other people in my life, that that could create a huge power gap. That it made the situation have the potential for manipulation. ANd then she even said that she could understand how confusing it is for me, and that she couldn't blame me for latching onto the only constant thing in my life, amid all the other chaos and emptiness.
I only wish she told me what I should say to him to help him when he has troubles, or is very upset. She said, Even though I'm not supposed to give personal advice, please do not sleep with him, or let him pressure you. (though I told her that he wouldn't be so horrible) I felt like a dirty cow, but I know she meant to be protective. I told her I would never seek that out, but I have a hard time disobeying people, and that I would never want to provoke him into throwing me away, alone. I just want him to be happy, and never hate me, and always think I'm someone who deserves help and to have somebody to talk to. (She also said to not accept his requests to go on day trips together.)
She said that (although the rules prevent her from treating me) I could call her if I ever had a problem she could help me with. And she said she would like to keep the first part, that I wrote for her. She's so nice. She should be a T.
I can't stand missing her so much though. I feel like if I opened my mouth I'd start crying and never stop. I'm so sad. Sad because I care about her so much (which I guess is a good thing). I'm relieved too - she was exactly how a wanted her to be (minus the hug) But I guess after what I just threw at her, there was no way she was going to touch me.
It doesn't really change my situation. I still had my session after I left her office. I'll still have to deal with everyday stuff. But I don't feel the same amount of despair, or the same loneliness, that comes with having a secret un-shared. I just wish so much that she could be my doctor forever.
In the end, I'm happy with how it went. Thank you all for helping me do this.
EL
Posted by ElaineM on July 7, 2006, at 15:59:47
In reply to Re: I took a small piece of advice » ElaineM, posted by MidnightBlue on July 6, 2006, at 21:08:32
Hi Midnight: When I went to my session, after my doctor, I had the biggest urge to tell my T everything. The weirdest, jumpy, skin-crawling compulsion to tell him where I had just come from, and what we had been talking about. Sometimes I want him to get angry enough to hit me. I really want him to. I don't get it. I'm sick. Sometimes I get confused that he is the same person that I worry about so often. I didn't say anything though. And this was the first time in months that he didn't even touch me once! Almost as though he could tell. (I know he really couldn't, but it felt like it)
I don't have any plans since school's done. I can't work, due to this other thing. (I can barely drag myself through an entire day) Actually, one thing I've been going over and over in my head, and I don't think I've posted it before, is that he recently offered to give me a few thousand to go back to school (if that's what I wanted.) As payment for the work I do. I've been trying to ignore the offer, just cause I feel like it's such an unfair situation to put me in. School means having my doctor back. (Which is the most important thing in the world to me, and my illness) But I also have the worry that I would feel like I was bought. (though he would never put conditions, or expectations, along with his gift) He's really generous, and wants me to be able to still have one of the only bits of comfort in my world. It's terribly hard. I know I won't accept it, but it just makes me even sadder -- as though I've lost my doctor twice.
Nice to hear from you. EL
Posted by MidnightBlue on July 7, 2006, at 20:34:22
In reply to Re: MidnightBlue, plans after? » MidnightBlue, posted by ElaineM on July 7, 2006, at 15:59:47
Elaine,
Oh my! First of all I'm SO glad things went so well with your doctor. Now print out or write down everything she said to you so that you can remember it when you need to. And DO call her when you need her. She really meant what she said never doubt that!
I don't like this second situation at all! It sounds like your T is buying you or trying to. That whole thing is NOT good.
I don't know what your physical illness is and it is okay that you don't want to say. I assume it is something that will not get better? Will it get worse? If you are well enough to go to school could you work at something part time? Each state has a rehab type program for people with disabilities. Maybe they can help you find part time work. It isn't good for you to be sitting at home alone all the time.
How is your brother? Did that confrontation go okay? Will he go into treatment? Keep posting! There is a whole bunch of people who care about you.
Hugs,
MidnightBlue
Posted by muffled on July 7, 2006, at 22:02:41
In reply to Re: MidnightBlue, plans after? » ElaineM, posted by MidnightBlue on July 7, 2006, at 20:34:22
Posted by ElaineM on July 8, 2006, at 16:47:18
In reply to Re: MidnightBlue, plans after? » ElaineM, posted by MidnightBlue on July 7, 2006, at 20:34:22
Thanks Midnight (and Muff): It is strange - the day after an ending. Even when it's a good one, it still feels bad, you know? Maybe I was building it up to something bigger. I sometimes think I always expect these other, mother-like figures to rescue me, regardless of rules. This same feeling happened with the lady T I had who gave me to my T now. I figured, if she saw how much I needed her, how important she was to me making it through my life, how much it was breaking my heart to have to leave, then she would fight her supervisors to change the rules, or find ways aroung them. If she really cared about me as another human, then she couldn't possibly send me back into h*ll, alone. I mean, intellectually, rationally I understand that treatment rules are there for reasons, I really do get that. But my heart is not logic-based.
I wonder if a bad outcome would've felt the same. Probably just hurt a little differently I guess. I hate finality though. It makes me get this deep franticness, that only grows and grows until I'm out of my mind with grief and despair. I wish she had given me something of herself. Once she wrote me a small note after Christmas and I read it every single time I was upset, to remember that somewhere in the world was someone who cared, even if only a little. Oh well.
As far as my brother, this will sound like a disgusting, cold-hearted thing, but I'm kinda trying to push it to the back of my mind for now. He wouldn't even listen to us. He made promises, my parents believe them, and denial has begun to, once again, cover the tracks of his addiction. Nothing I do will save him - he's probably not able to even hear other's concern. I remember vividly how strong your own blinders can be. When I was well under 90 I used to get starvation-rages. When he has his, they are worse. I know it's the chemicals. But I also recall how anything I heard out of anyone's mouth, other doctors, friends, only made me pull away even more. Everything seemed an attack. I'm afraid he'll have to hurt himself, or (god forbid) someone else, for anything to be done.
And with the disability stuff, that's another reason why I feel like an ungrateful, picky b*tch for betraying, or questioning, my T. He's trying to help me figure all that out. He fills out forms. Writes letters. Looks into things. For all the times I describe his "bad" qualities, there are many other lovely ones. I'm so young, I can't believe that I actually have to learn about disability programs and rehab and stuff like that. When I see others my age go to clubs, or starting families, or going on trips, or even just getting dressed up in business clothes to go to work, I feel sick to my stomach, and I want to just collapse where I'm standing and cry and cry, and never get up, until they cart me away. So my T is helping with that.
I still think about my T's offer to send me back to school. It is hard. When I feel really down, even thinking of the possibility of him buying me my doctor (in a way) helps me keep going. I want her back so badly, cause my T will be going on vacation the last week in July. It will be the first time I have absolutely no one at all!! I recognize the connotations in the situation. I do - that's the first idea that popped into my head. It's just that alot of the time I feel like I would sell the world, nevermind only myself, to get a little relief.
Thank you for asking about the "intervention". And about everything else. I feel like I rely on you all here way too much. I'm sorry if I do, I don't know what else to do half the time, other than post. It means alot that you would respond.
Hugs for you too, El
Posted by sunnydays on July 8, 2006, at 20:07:48
In reply to the letdown after something ends » MidnightBlue, posted by ElaineM on July 8, 2006, at 16:47:18
(((Elaine))) Please don't accept his offer to send you to school. The therapist-client relationship is hard enough as it is, I wouldn't want you to feel burdened with thoughts of owing him anything or being indebted to him. And it wouldn't buy you back your doctor, I'm sorry, but it wouldn't. Taking that offer would bring so many complications into your relationship with your T. I just don't think it would be the best thing for you at all. And you deserve the best, ElaineM. Your T probably has many very fine qualities, but he should not be helping his patients out financially. His job is to help them emotionally and mentally, not financially. He is not a bank, and he is not your parents, and he should not give you money. I'm really sorry if that sounds harsh, but I'm really really concerned for you. I don't want you to make a decision that could make your life even more complicated than it already is.
And there's nothing wrong with questioning your T. There's nothing wrong with questioning anybody. You're an individual, and allowed to have your own thoughts and feelings and make your own decisions. How can one make good decisions without doing some questioning and soul-searching?
I think it's good that you found Babble. It's good to have people you can rely on and who will support you. But we're online. Is there any way you could figure out to meet some people in real life? Maybe join a club, or a support group? There are plenty of those that are free, if you don't have a lot of money.
Anyway, I hope this finds you feeling alright. (((ElaineM))) hang in there
sunnydays
Posted by muffled on July 8, 2006, at 21:01:37
In reply to the letdown after something ends » MidnightBlue, posted by ElaineM on July 8, 2006, at 16:47:18
I sometimes think I always expect these other, mother-like figures to rescue me, regardless of rules. This same feeling happened with the lady T I had who gave me to my T now. If she really cared about me as another human, then she couldn't possibly send me back into h*ll, alone. I mean, intellectually, rationally I understand that treatment rules are there for reasons, I really do get that. But my heart is not logic-based.
***Yeah, people have their limitations, thats why we supposed to learn to stand on our own 2 feet. Therapists supposed to work themselves out of a job by enabling us to care for ourselves.
>
I hate finality though. It makes me get this deep franticness, that only grows and grows until I'm out of my mind with grief and despair. I wish she had given me something of herself. Once she wrote me a small note after Christmas and I read it every single time I was upset, to remember that somewhere in the world was someone who cared, even if only a little. Oh well.***Yeah, I TOTALLY suck at goodbyes. I usu. just slink away...
I listen to T phone message, it makes me feel better too.
>
> As far as my brother, this will sound like a disgusting, cold-hearted thing, but I'm kinda trying to push it to the back of my mind for now. He wouldn't even listen to us. He made promises, my parents believe them, and denial has begun to, once again, cover the tracks of his addiction. Nothing I do will save him.***You SO got that right. Good for you!!!! He will not quit using until HE wants to quit, and anything you say against it will just make him mad. If you enable him by giving him free place to stay and $$ and stuff, then you are just enabling him and that doesn't help either. Addiction hurts so many :-(
I hurt alot of people. I try not to think of it. I just thank God I'm not there anymore. Still WANT to but don't.
> And with the disability stuff, that's another reason why I feel like an ungrateful, picky b*tch for betraying, or questioning, my T. He's trying to help me figure all that out. He fills out forms. Writes letters. Looks into things. For all the times I describe his "bad" qualities, there are many other lovely ones. When I see others my age go to clubs, or starting families, or going on trips, or even just getting dressed up in business clothes to go to work, I feel sick to my stomach, and I want to just collapse where I'm standing and cry and cry, and never get up, until they cart me away. So my T is helping with that.***It sounds like he is helping ALOT. Too much. He is keeping you in your helpless position.
I'm so, so sorry things are so hard for you. It breaks my heart. I can see why this T is so important to you. And he proly means well, but he IS screwing up.
Is there any possibility of you finding a new T ? You could still be friends with old T, he could still help you out. But a least then you'll have a truly neautral party to help you. Boundaries are REALLY important. I'm just understanding that myself. You CAN'T do therapy with the guy your with now. It is NOT true therapy. It is not possible with things as they are. You are too busy worrying about him. That does not work. You will not get ahead.
Your such a neat sounding person, but it does sound like you have some stuff you need to work thru in order to improve your life.
But you can't do it with him.
You just can't.
I don't know it all, this is just my honest opinion. But I feel strongly about it, and I post about it, cuz you seem like such a cool person, and so I care.
>
> I still think about my T's offer to send me back to school. even thinking of the possibility of him buying me my doctor (in a way) helps me keep going. It will be the first time I have absolutely no one at all!! I recognize the connotations in the situation. I do - that's the first idea that popped into my head. It's just that alot of the time I feel like I would sell the world, nevermind only myself, to get a little relief.
>
***You wouldn't get releif, you would just get more pain.
Its an illusion. It would just make things so much ore complicated. It would ruin everything. Including your self respect, and any respect you have for your T.
You need a little releif, punch a wall. Not good, but a whole lot better than accepting $$ from T. I'm serious. Very very serious. Short term pain. Short term reeif, but better than long term pain.
I care El.
And your not alone, you have us too.
Sometimes I come and go cuz I got my own weird sh*t happening too, but that don't mean I don't care.
So take care, hope you can hear what we are saying.
Hope you feel a little less alone.
Muffly
Posted by ElaineM on July 9, 2006, at 14:24:39
In reply to Re: the letdown after something ends » ElaineM, posted by muffled on July 8, 2006, at 21:01:37
Thanks Sunny. I'm relatively sure that I'd never accept his money. Though I wouldn't mind being paid for helping out. And I can't help but let my mind wander, and think about tuition and up-grading my degree. But taking money would probably be the least likely thing I'd do.
My parents paid for my education for years. All the courses I had to scrap when I'd get sick. All the money I wasted. They are really mad at me for not being a "normal" adult. Where's the job? Where's the husband? Where's the car?...You know. So they have tons of money but I'd never ask for it ever! I have thought of support groups. I've had tons of experience with them throughout my ED. The hard part is physically getting to them. (My T is the one who takes me to hard appointments)
Muffly, thanks for all your words. Especially what you said about short-term pain, being better than long term. I try and think about it that way. But it's soooo hard, when I feel that I need something, anything, right now to be able to make it to some long-term date. And don't feel as though you're obligated to write. I understand completely that everyone has their own things going on. And I know that you're at least reading, right? ;-)
As far as another T, I just can't think about that right now. I had hoped that I'd have someone from that clinic I went to, listening to me by the time my T goes on vacation at the end of July - that didn't pan out though. Last year, I went through a period where I thought I'd leave him, and I tried to use the forced-distance of his vacation as a spring board. But that didn't last either. And I don't really have anything left inside right now. Maybe in the future I'll try again. I'm more concerned about finding another doctor now anyways.
I hope you're doing okay with all of your own stuff. I care about you too. Both of you. All.
hugs, EL
Posted by MidnightBlue on July 9, 2006, at 23:05:07
In reply to the letdown after something ends » MidnightBlue, posted by ElaineM on July 8, 2006, at 16:47:18
Elaine,
I'm sorry about your brother, but you are right he must find his own way. You and your parents cannot save him. He has to want to get better, at least on some level.
You are not betraying your T. You need someone else to help you fill out disability forms. A social worker? A disability lawyer? Disability isn't an age. Some people are born disabled! The state helped pay for my college tuition because of my disability. That was many years ago.
I can't work now. I'm "old" by your standards. Probably old enough to be your Mom. But I still can't do 75% of what my friends do.
Without knowing a little more about your disability it is hard to know how to advise you. But you are smart and articulate and it would seem like you should be able to do some sort of job at least part time. What about volunteer work? Could you answer a phone somewhere? Help with a web site? You need to reach outside yourself.
Tomorrow think of ONE THING you can do to broaden your world.
Hugs,
MidnightBlue
Posted by llrrrpp on July 10, 2006, at 20:17:30
In reply to Re: the letdown after something ends » ElaineM, posted by MidnightBlue on July 9, 2006, at 23:05:07
Hi El,
just catching up on babble. Wanted you to know that I'm thinking of you. I hope you can find something nice to do for yourself tomorrow. (((hugs))).I would only echo the excellent suggestions given above, so just read them twice. that's my suggestion. :o)
congrats on talking to your doctor. So happy someone is giving you some support.
-ll
Posted by ElaineM on July 11, 2006, at 17:54:47
In reply to Re: the letdown after something ends, posted by llrrrpp on July 10, 2006, at 20:17:30
Hi LL: It was so nice to hear from you. I've been thinking of you as well, hoping that your vacation would end up being something relaxing for you. Not sure it's turning out that way.
As far as your "advice" -- reverb received ; )
I saw one of my specialists today - does that count as something fun or nice? My brain's kinda fried now. I can't stand this guy. He had me in his office for almost 4minutes exactly. For what he gets paid I feel I deserved at least 40! He treats me like a child, cause I look and sound young, and I don't know what to do to get him listen to my updates, and take me seriously. Or at least give me 5 minutes! It's hard enough living how I am, without feeling I need to beg to be treated properly. But every time I go there, I end up cowering and letting him push me out the door.
My T had offered to go with me cause he was frustrated by how my prior appointments have gone, and I said, No thanks. I should've had him take me. Maybe he would've been different with another man. I'm just not good at speaking for myself. And I'm at a point where the smallest discouraging sign from him has me surrendering. T called while I was there to see how it went, being on my own - haven't returned his call yet. Though he probably knew I'd blow it again. [I want my nice regular doctor back :-( ]
Wow, I needed to vent.
Anyways, hope your trip turns around. If not, then you've at least got one week down ; )
holiday hugs, El
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