![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 15 of 15. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by happyflower on June 17, 2006, at 17:07:58
My DH is now home more than ever, being the worlds greatest dad, and now he wants to be my DH, in EVERY way. I seem like the one who is rejecting now. I don't like him even talking to me let alone touching me.
But yeserday was a nice day for everyone, I felt good, but he tried to spoon me last night. I want to be held, but yet when he tries to touch me I want to vomit, all I can think about is the other woman. So I let him lay next to me, while I silently cried myself to sleep. I just hate this, it is so hard.
I want to talk about this in therapy, but yet there is a ton of other important stuff too. It seem like I need therapy 24 hours a day for year, in order to help me. I just hate that I don't feel what I should about my DH. I hate that he wants to ignore everything he has done, and just go on like nothing has happend. I just don't think I can. But yet I do miss having someone care about me. It just seems like nothing can make me happy at the moment :-(
Posted by Dinah on June 17, 2006, at 17:24:53
In reply to I just hate myself sometimes, posted by happyflower on June 17, 2006, at 17:07:58
Do you know what exactly happened with your husband and the other woman?
Is he trying to make amends now? Or was it a passing thing?
Believe me, I understand the ambivilance and I'm sorry you're having to live through it.
Posted by happyflower on June 17, 2006, at 18:35:37
In reply to But we never do » happyflower, posted by Dinah on June 17, 2006, at 17:24:53
I don't know exactly what happened because he refused to talk to me about it. But yet I am suppose to just forget that he we haven't had sex for over year because he refused me? And now he wants me to be his wife after he ignored me emotionally, physcially for over a year? What does he think I am a doormatt? I just don't think I can just forget about it all and go on like everything is okay. It is making me very angry. I want him to do personal therapy because I don't think I want to couples therapy because I don't know if I even want to be a couple anymore.
I built my whole life around him and our kids, stopped working, and issolated myself for everyone else, and now I am alone and it sucks. My whole world is upside down and I don't know what I want. I just want someone to care about me and put there arms around me and tell me I matter to them. But at the momement I don't want my DH to even touch me but yet I have no one else. I guess I always have to learn the hard way.
Posted by Dinah on June 17, 2006, at 20:20:51
In reply to Re: But we never do » Dinah, posted by happyflower on June 17, 2006, at 18:35:37
I'm glad you're getting to go to school now. I hope it opens new doors for you so that you don't feel so isolated.
I can understand. I'd have a hard time accepting that as well.
((((Happyflower))))
Posted by llrrrpp on June 17, 2006, at 20:26:34
In reply to Re: But we never do » happyflower, posted by Dinah on June 17, 2006, at 20:20:51
happyflower,
I care about you
not in a "spooning"-kind of way (grin)
but in a "I think your a good person and have a nice heart" kind of way.I'm so sorry you're going through this. It sounds SO painful, so difficult. So much is unsaid, unresolved, unforgiven, unknown. You can never go back to the way things were. you have to find a new relationship with DH. how hard to start over. I'm so sorry. (((hug for you happyflower)))
-ll
Posted by pegasus on June 18, 2006, at 13:40:23
In reply to Re: But we never do » Dinah, posted by happyflower on June 17, 2006, at 18:35:37
Wow, that is incredible that he rejected you for so long and now, after refusing to talk about what happened, wants to be able to be intimate with you. I just can't imagine how hard that must be for you. Even though he's not rejecting you in the same way now, his refusing to talk about it is a new form of rejecting you, or at least neglecting you. Which he's in no position to do right now if he wants to ask you for anything at all. Seriously, this guy shouldn't even ask you to pass the salt at this point without groveling to you first.
I agree with you that this man is in serious need of therapy. I know that if I were in your shoes, it would be a deal breaker for me. In fact, I see three deal breakers here: He needs to 1) acknowledge your reasonable needs and how he caused you pain, 2) get some much needed therapy, and 3) show you how he plans to help rebuild your relationship. He really owes you all three, or else he should get out of there and let you start living your life around something positive. Oh, and pay you for your pain and suffering and your sacrifices for his sorry *ss in the meantime. You deserve that and much more. You deserve someone who really cares about you, and respects your needs.
many hugs
peg
Posted by gardenergirl on June 18, 2006, at 15:13:12
In reply to Re: But we never do, posted by pegasus on June 18, 2006, at 13:40:23
Wow, I can't add much to what pegasus said, because it was so wise. But I am sorry that you are in such a conflict. It must be really really hard. That longing to be held is so powerful and yet so are the feelings you have about your husband right now.
Holding you safely from afar....
gg
Posted by happyflower on June 18, 2006, at 18:10:05
In reply to Re: But we never do, posted by llrrrpp on June 17, 2006, at 20:26:34
Thank llrrrpp,
You are so sweet, and you can spoon me anytime! ;-) I am saying this not sure if you are male or female though. LOL
Thanks for the hugs!Hugs back at ya,
Happyflower
Posted by happyflower on June 18, 2006, at 18:12:34
In reply to Re: But we never do, posted by pegasus on June 18, 2006, at 13:40:23
Hey thanks Peg,
You have said some of the exact same things as my T has said. I see my T tomorrow, but I am not sure if what major topics we will talk about this week, there is so many to choose from. LOL
Thanks again for your support,
Hugs,
Happyflower
Posted by happyflower on June 18, 2006, at 18:15:43
In reply to Re: But we never do, posted by gardenergirl on June 18, 2006, at 15:13:12
Thanks for you holding GG,
I think you will be a great T someday soon. At least you have compassion and understanding. I don't know what to do with my DH at the momement because I have so many issues and I am afraid my T will have his head spinning tomorrow. LOL
Have you ever heard of sleepsomnia? I think I have this, and plan on talking to my T about this tomorrow. Thanks for you support GG.
Hugs,
Happyflower
Posted by happyflower on June 18, 2006, at 18:46:16
In reply to Re: But we never do » happyflower, posted by Dinah on June 17, 2006, at 20:20:51
I am really enjoying school, probably more than anything new that I have been doing.
I feel like I have a different perspective now and it seems like I am there because I want to learn. I don't know about any open doors, but I do feel I am heading in the right direction.
Posted by madeline on June 19, 2006, at 6:13:49
In reply to Re: But we never do, posted by pegasus on June 18, 2006, at 13:40:23
he owes you all three. I am so sorry HF, I wish I could just wiggle my nose like the witch on bewitched and have it be over.
Take care of yourself and even if you don't feel it from others, love yourself.
Maddie
Posted by pegasus on June 19, 2006, at 9:08:19
In reply to Re: But we never do » pegasus, posted by happyflower on June 18, 2006, at 18:12:34
Good luck with all of the things you need to talk about. I surely know how it is to have big things to talk about that get brushed aside for even bigger things.
I also realize that you're in an impossible situation, and it's easy for me to say what's a deal breaker. You've had to give up a lot of your negotiating power, and I know sometimes it's important to live with things that aren't the way we want them to be. I just want you to know that I support you in whatever you choose to do, which might reasonably include staying with your husband because of what he *can* provide. I agree that it's wonderful that you're taking classes now, and that it's a step in a really good direction.
peg
Posted by happyflower on June 19, 2006, at 16:10:43
In reply to Re: But we never do, posted by pegasus on June 19, 2006, at 9:08:19
Hey thanks Pegasus,
I didn't get to the subject of my dead marriage, but we talked a lot about other important stuff. It was a good session.
I don't have many answers about my marriage. But I almost feel that I need to work on myself at the momement. Thanks for your support!
Hugs,
Happyflower
Posted by happyflower on June 19, 2006, at 16:13:01
In reply to Re: But we never do - Peg is SOOO right, posted by madeline on June 19, 2006, at 6:13:49
Hi Maddie,
Hey, I have a better idea! How about you introduce me to that one younger friend of yours and he can wiggle something else for me and make it all better! LOL sorry that was SOOOOO BAD!
So how's the love life going? Is your heart still beating a little faster?
Hugs,
Happyflower
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Psychology | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.