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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 11 of 11. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by llrrrpp on June 2, 2006, at 17:24:22
Dear llrrrpp,
you're okay after all
you get a little frazzled, but somehow, you manage to pull through most of the time
you're clever enough to have made it this far
and maybe the things you're going through now are not entirely your fault
your features are fairly symmetrical
your eyes are a nice color, like wet slate
you are pretty healthy. no colds or flu in 2006
you have good intentions
people love you
you love people
you smile almost every day
good fortune finds you often enough
you like feeding elephants
you've never been injured by one either
you appreciate small things
you try to fight your own prejudices
you are not afraid to try new things
you try to take good advice
you have freakishly flexible hips
you take good photos
you were on time to work this morning
you even finished a paper
you said nice things to several people today
your hair is very soft, like a baby
you are going to play a very nice concert tonight
people will applaud, and you will take it to heart
you look tall and feel tall, because you are strong and because you drink pulpy OJ
you find yourself amusing, even if you're the only one laughing. you can still laugh at yourself
you enjoy green tealove
llrrrpp
Posted by orchid on June 2, 2006, at 17:28:14
In reply to Civil Letters to Myself, posted by llrrrpp on June 2, 2006, at 17:24:22
I had read your post in the thread up ago, and was intensely worried about you - didn't know what to say and whatever words came to my mind, I shut them up becuase I was afraid of triggering you for worse (just in case I say something stupid).
But I am so so very happy to see your effort in trying to change your negative self image, and can't say how much I love your effort in writing this post.
Really amazing, and wonderful and very good, and all the positive things I can think of.
Way to go.
Orchid.
Posted by canadagirl on June 2, 2006, at 17:57:38
In reply to Civil Letters to Myself, posted by llrrrpp on June 2, 2006, at 17:24:22
Hey wow! I like that. I really like that.
Posted by curtm on June 2, 2006, at 18:54:55
In reply to Civil Letters to Myself, posted by llrrrpp on June 2, 2006, at 17:24:22
Posted by muffled on June 2, 2006, at 19:29:49
In reply to (((HUG))) (nm) » llrrrpp, posted by curtm on June 2, 2006, at 18:54:55
Thats real nice. Now if you can just beleive it all deep inside and KEEP IT THERE!!!!!!!
Maybe you could print it out and look at it once in awhile....?
That made me feel good to read it.
But we like all of you, good and bad.
I'm glad you were able to find this inside of yourself!
:-)
Muffy
Posted by Dinah on June 3, 2006, at 8:07:19
In reply to Civil Letters to Myself, posted by llrrrpp on June 2, 2006, at 17:24:22
Many impressive things there. I'm glad you appreciate them in yourself.
Posted by llrrrpp on June 3, 2006, at 11:46:17
In reply to Re: Civil Letters to Myself » llrrrpp, posted by Dinah on June 3, 2006, at 8:07:19
thanks everyone for your kind responses.
yesterday was good.
today is ... slipping away from me.... no no no no.
and I feel the pressure in my chest again.
and the thoughts. going into the bad place.
no no no no no.
And I was so pleased with myself yesterday. but.
it's not linear, is it?
I can't read my civil letter to myself today. It's wrong again. Today it's back to my uncivil letters. I'm trying so hard to ignore it, but I feel the pull that is so strong, and so primitive, and so urgent. and I can't mount effective resistance to it today.
well. I just wanted to say "thank you"
The kindness and support of strangers on p-babble is such a generous gift. regardless of whether I'm worthy or not, the gift is generous, and kind, and extravagant.
Posted by muffled on June 3, 2006, at 17:00:25
In reply to Re: Civil Letters to Myself, posted by llrrrpp on June 3, 2006, at 11:46:17
Hey llrrrp. Are you getting treatment for your mood swings? Meds? T.? etc? Sorry, you've proly posted and I can't remember. I forget lots I'm afraid.
Moods are most definately not linear. We sort of like sine waves. And the waves can vary. Sometimes too much. Fortunately there IS good treatments available, its a matter of finding what works, and having tons of patience to get thru the hard stuff.
Your post reminds me of how I used to think.
I only figgered this a month or two ago.
But all these weird feelings that feel SO powerful and uncontrollable, are actually just emotions. Our response to what we are thinking. Emotions seem all consuming and all powerful and uncontrollable cuz thats all we have ever known that we can remember.
But they are not.
They are just SIGNALS that we have something going on inside. That is all. They don't have a life of their own, they are not magical.
My T musta told me this a thousand times and I only recently 'got it', and only sort of at that. Logically I understand now, but its VERY hard to break old patterns of thinking.
Please try to say NO !!! to the bad place. Try to redirect your thoughts to good things if you can.
Takes practice.
Have you tried DBT?
I'm supposed to do it in the fall.
Take care,
Remember, I accept ALL of you.
You are ok. You are a person just like me and worthy of respect, just like me. Don't listen to all the b*llshit your mind comes up with to negate that. Lies.
You ARE worthy of love and respect just as you are.
Muffy
Posted by llrrrpp on June 3, 2006, at 20:45:32
In reply to Re: Civil Letters to Myself, posted by muffled on June 3, 2006, at 17:00:25
Muffled,
I think the presence of mood swings is already some sign of improvement.It means that I have a few good days mixed in with a few bad days
This is definitely better than a string of 55 bad days of unremitting darkness, wouldn't you say. BUT- there is still a lot of work to do in terms of figuring out what triggers me, how to avoid these situations, how to deal with overwhelming feelings, and so on. And this is a big struggle for me. I don't have a single situation or a single relationship that is like a black cloud, rather it's some combination of life stresses and past traumas that have gotten me here. And I'm just starting to untangle them and figure me out. I take medicine (cymbalta (60 mg)and seroquel (25 mg)) and I have been seeing T for about 10 weeks, and I have a pdoc too. I'm trying hard, but I have a lot of stuff to work on. I'm still so seduced by the darkness, and it pulls me into this spiraling trajectory, and at some point I can't even remember how things were ever different, or how to feel that they will ever get better.
I'm so grateful that I found Babble, because I was trying to deal with this on my own for too long, and it was overwhelming. I think you're right about the sine wave thing. At Babble, we are all kinds of frequencies, and have different highs and lows, and so sometimes when we're up, we help, and when we're down we take. I just have a hard time taking help from others without feeling like even more of a loser. (Another thing I need to work on, right?)
Well, thank you for your encouragement. I'll see you in the cave, probably some time this evening. hopefully I won't be so dark as to be invisible. I'll give you a little wave, okay?
-ll
Posted by fallsfall on June 4, 2006, at 6:38:04
In reply to Re: Civil Letters to Myself ? muffled, posted by llrrrpp on June 3, 2006, at 20:45:32
And hopefully Sunday will be better.
Do try to read your "up" posts when you feel "down". And try to remember that they WERE true for you when you wrote them. That things ARE better sometimes. That will help you ride out the downs. And if you keep posting like you have been, you will have concrete evidence that things do go up and down. Hopefully, eventually, your good days will start to outnumber your bad ones.
Keep the faith.
Posted by llrrrpp on June 4, 2006, at 11:35:01
In reply to Re: Civil Letters to Myself » llrrrpp, posted by fallsfall on June 4, 2006, at 6:38:04
> And hopefully Sunday will be better.
>
> Do try to read your "up" posts when you feel "down". And try to remember that they WERE true for you when you wrote them. That things ARE better sometimes. That will help you ride out the downs. And if you keep posting like you have been, you will have concrete evidence that things do go up and down. Hopefully, eventually, your good days will start to outnumber your bad ones.
>
> Keep the faith.Thanks Falls,
you give my true self (the non-depressed one) a stronger voice. I have a little faith. I've always been deficient in Vitamin Faith, but I've found a good supplement, in the meanwhile
http://www.joyofbaking.com/printpages/ButterTartsprint.html
mmmyou're okay Falls. Have you ever thought about being a Therapist?
just wondering.
-ll
This is the end of the thread.
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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
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