Posted by llrrrpp on June 3, 2006, at 20:45:32
In reply to Re: Civil Letters to Myself, posted by muffled on June 3, 2006, at 17:00:25
Muffled,
I think the presence of mood swings is already some sign of improvement.It means that I have a few good days mixed in with a few bad days
This is definitely better than a string of 55 bad days of unremitting darkness, wouldn't you say. BUT- there is still a lot of work to do in terms of figuring out what triggers me, how to avoid these situations, how to deal with overwhelming feelings, and so on. And this is a big struggle for me. I don't have a single situation or a single relationship that is like a black cloud, rather it's some combination of life stresses and past traumas that have gotten me here. And I'm just starting to untangle them and figure me out. I take medicine (cymbalta (60 mg)and seroquel (25 mg)) and I have been seeing T for about 10 weeks, and I have a pdoc too. I'm trying hard, but I have a lot of stuff to work on. I'm still so seduced by the darkness, and it pulls me into this spiraling trajectory, and at some point I can't even remember how things were ever different, or how to feel that they will ever get better.
I'm so grateful that I found Babble, because I was trying to deal with this on my own for too long, and it was overwhelming. I think you're right about the sine wave thing. At Babble, we are all kinds of frequencies, and have different highs and lows, and so sometimes when we're up, we help, and when we're down we take. I just have a hard time taking help from others without feeling like even more of a loser. (Another thing I need to work on, right?)
Well, thank you for your encouragement. I'll see you in the cave, probably some time this evening. hopefully I won't be so dark as to be invisible. I'll give you a little wave, okay?
-ll
poster:llrrrpp
thread:652049
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060526/msgs/652534.html