![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 22 of 22. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by milly on March 29, 2006, at 7:54:21
Well i didn't take the sculpture in yesterday because I was scared, but we spoke about it alot which was really good about why I would want to be remembered and special to him and how I would feel about parting with it, about how painful it is for me to even see it at times and about other options of things to do with it like smash it or hurl it through his window because of the times I have been angry in therapy!. The fate of the sculpture still hangs in the balance but i think it will accompany me to my last session, after that, who knows!
milly
Posted by fairywings on March 29, 2006, at 12:18:16
In reply to Gift for T, posted by milly on March 29, 2006, at 7:54:21
Posted by Dinah on March 29, 2006, at 12:38:22
In reply to Gift for T, posted by milly on March 29, 2006, at 7:54:21
It sounds as if it was a really productive session and that your gift has already had a lot of benefits. :)
Posted by madeline on March 29, 2006, at 13:59:28
In reply to Gift for T, posted by milly on March 29, 2006, at 7:54:21
((((Milly))))
I hope you do give it him on your last session. It would be so nice for him to have something to remember you by.
Good luck, keep us posted on how you're doing
Maddie
Posted by NikkiT2 on March 29, 2006, at 15:39:38
In reply to Gift for T, posted by milly on March 29, 2006, at 7:54:21
Did you speak to him about why he wants you to see someone else?
Nikki
Posted by milly on March 30, 2006, at 2:38:25
In reply to Re: Gift for T » milly, posted by NikkiT2 on March 29, 2006, at 15:39:38
> Did you speak to him about why he wants you to see someone else?
>
> Nikki** Well sort of, I was very upset about everything and the realisation that time is so short and that i wouldn't say things 'right' that it was almost impossible to say anything at all!
I remember saying that if it was his decision that we terminate next week then I was very sad, if it was the 'system' then I thought it s*cked and if it was my 'fault' then I was obviously the failure I always knew myself to be. From that however i got no answers he just wanted to explore why I could be angry with the 'system' and with myself but seemingly not with him! (actually if it is him I will be as mad as h*ll with him but I don't think it is him)
So basically I failed to ask what I needed to ask and now I only have one session left. i think I might write down what i need to say and take it with me because otherwise I'm going to blow it and leave feeling cr*p again.
Thanks for remebering to ask me, that meant alot
milly
Posted by Tamar on March 30, 2006, at 6:42:23
In reply to Re: Gift for T » NikkiT2, posted by milly on March 30, 2006, at 2:38:25
> So basically I failed to ask what I needed to ask and now I only have one session left. i think I might write down what i need to say and take it with me because otherwise I'm going to blow it and leave feeling cr*p again.
It's frustrating, isn't it? I went to my session last week with every intention of telling my therapist that I'd been having dreams every night for two weeks in which he was angry with me and shouting at me. But I forgot all about it, even when he asked me if there was something I was avoiding.
My take on my own failure to bring up the main issue is that I was too afraid of his possible response, and so my mind conveniently buried it.
Do you think it's possible that you didn't ask him because you are afraid to express your anger towards him? If so, it's a perfectly natural response. No need to beat yourself up about it. But if you think you can imagine beginning to handle your feelings of anger towards him, then I think writing it down and taking it in is a good idea.
I know the idea of being angry with him is hard, particularly if you feel a great deal of affection for him. But if he's as good as you say he is, then he won't push you away when you express it. You have every reason to feel angry, and I imagine he understands that. He probably feels immense compassion for you, and if you are able to express your anger towards him I imagine he'll help you to feel some of his compassion. It seems clear from the conversation you had this week that your anger won't drive him away emotionally.
I hope your session goes well.
Tamar
Posted by NikkiT2 on March 30, 2006, at 11:37:36
In reply to Re: Gift for T » NikkiT2, posted by milly on March 30, 2006, at 2:38:25
Maybe you could send him a list of things you need to cover in your last session beforehand? Its not so unusual (I know people do it in our service quite alot)..
he can have time to ponder them, and you definately ca't forget to take them either!!
Nikki x
Posted by milly on March 30, 2006, at 13:20:20
In reply to Re: Gift for T » milly, posted by NikkiT2 on March 30, 2006, at 11:37:36
> Maybe you could send him a list of things you need to cover in your last session beforehand? Its not so unusual (I know people do it in our service quite alot)..
>
> he can have time to ponder them, and you definately ca't forget to take them either!!
>
> Nikki x** good idea but it might be too late to get it to him now and it might be too long!
Will he be likely to do a follow up in say 6 months or is this going to be it? I ask because you might be 'in the know'. I really think I should have read one of those books I saw mentioned on finishing therapy but it's too late now and I just feel as if I'm floundering about in the dark.
Posted by NikkiT2 on March 30, 2006, at 13:43:12
In reply to Re: Gift for T » NikkiT2, posted by milly on March 30, 2006, at 13:20:20
I still think it owuld be a good idea to send it.. maybe you could fax it over - I know alot of the little shops around here, and the post office, have fax machines you can use for little cost.
I doubt very much he will see you for a follow up.. But, I'm willing to put money on the fact that by then you will be just as attached to your new therapist..
And, I think the gift you have made is a really nice idea. We have quite alot of art on the walls at work that our clients have made us.
It'll be OK..
Nikki xx
Posted by Dinah on March 30, 2006, at 16:53:26
In reply to Re: Gift for T » milly, posted by NikkiT2 on March 30, 2006, at 13:43:12
They're not washing machines, Nikki.
You just can't go attach to the next one over because this one isn't available.
Maybe there's not *just* one therapist for every client, but it's not like you can say after a breakup that you'll soon be in love with the next guy.
Posted by fairywings on March 30, 2006, at 20:54:20
In reply to Re: Gift for T » NikkiT2, posted by Dinah on March 30, 2006, at 16:53:26
> They're not washing machines, Nikki.
>
> You just can't go attach to the next one over because this one isn't available.
>And the thing that worries me is that if this is the way the "system" is set up, will milly have to get an new therapist every 6 mos? That's crazy, and not fair to clients or therapists....it's got to be hard on both...to form an attachment, and then just have to cut it off. S*cks!
fw
Posted by NikkiT2 on March 30, 2006, at 23:43:24
In reply to Re: Gift for T » NikkiT2, posted by Dinah on March 30, 2006, at 16:53:26
OK Dinah,
I'll just tell Milly that everything will be awful and she will hate the new therapist, and not try to reassure and make her feel better.
Sorry to attempting to be positive. And after all, I've not gone through therapy myself and had to deal with changes of therapists or anything.
Nikki
Posted by NikkiT2 on March 30, 2006, at 23:47:23
In reply to Re: Gift for T, posted by fairywings on March 30, 2006, at 20:54:20
Its not "the way the system works".
Which is why I encouraged Milly to ask her therapist about it. I have a strong suspicion that she is being refferred to a more specialist service.
*shrugs* Also trying to be slightly positive..
Nikki
Posted by Dinah on March 31, 2006, at 0:10:16
In reply to Re: Gift for T » Dinah, posted by NikkiT2 on March 30, 2006, at 23:43:24
I'm sorry Nikki. I'm a bit upset right now at the thought of losing my therapist. Which I just can't do.
But I didn't mean to take it out on you.
I'm just getting sort of desperate.
I've been with my therapist for eleven years.
I've been with my husband for twentyseven years.
In order to stay with one, I may have to leave the other.
Posted by milly on March 31, 2006, at 9:07:54
In reply to Re: Gift for T » milly, posted by NikkiT2 on March 30, 2006, at 13:43:12
> I doubt very much he will see you for a follow up.. But, I'm willing to put money on the fact that by then you will be just as attached to your new therapist..
>
> And, I think the gift you have made is a really nice idea. We have quite alot of art on the walls at work that our clients have made us.
>
> It'll be OK..
>
> Nikki xxHi Nikki
Thanks for all your advice and help and positivity, I really needed that as everything can seem so negative.
If I hadn't been such a sieve head and remembered to ask him the reasoning etc maybe I wouldn't still be blaming the system!
Sorry you copt some agro for helping, conflict seems to follow me around at the moment (social board!) ((((((((nikki)))))))))
Thanks again
milly
Posted by fairywings on March 31, 2006, at 11:47:14
In reply to Re: Gift for T » NikkiT2, posted by Dinah on March 30, 2006, at 16:53:26
>>"You just can't go attach to the next one over because this one isn't available.
Maybe there's not *just* one therapist for every client, but it's not like you can say after a breakup that you'll soon be in love with the next guy."I don't think this was negative.....I think it was accurate and from the heart. Being postitive is great, being honest is great, and being able to give your honest opinion is great. I know we don't need some big long debate on this, but heck once you establish some history with a T sometimes it's even hard to leave one you don't think is the best.
fw
Posted by milly on March 31, 2006, at 12:28:13
In reply to Re: Gift for T, posted by fairywings on March 30, 2006, at 20:54:20
> And the thing that worries me is that if this is the way the "system" is set up, will milly have to get an new therapist every 6 mos? That's crazy, and not fair to clients or therapists....it's got to be hard on both...to form an attachment, and then just have to cut it off. S*cks!
>
> fw** thanks for caring fairywings, I'm so confused and feel quite rejected by all this because none of it feels within my control and because none of it is being explained and I don't seem to be asking the right questions to get the answers I need (I forgot what the right question was while I was there)
milly
Posted by milly on March 31, 2006, at 12:39:26
In reply to Re: Gift for T » milly, posted by Tamar on March 30, 2006, at 6:42:23
**Hi Tamar
> It's frustrating, isn't it?** very and I'm running out of time to sort this
> I went to my session last week with every intention of telling my therapist that I'd been having dreams every night for two weeks in which he was angry with me and shouting at me. But I forgot all about it, even when he asked me if there was something I was avoiding.
>
> My take on my own failure to bring up the main issue is that I was too afraid of his possible response, and so my mind conveniently buried it.** i think that is so true, while they haven't answered you still have the fantasy that they will say exactly what you want.
> Do you think it's possible that you didn't ask him because you are afraid to express your anger towards him?** this is a very big possibility and one we have tried to work on but just as with everything in my life it is so much easier to turn the anger on myself.
>If so, it's a perfectly natural response. No need to beat yourself up about it. But if you think you can imagine beginning to handle your feelings of anger towards him, then I think writing it down and taking it in is a good idea.
> I know the idea of being angry with him is hard, particularly if you feel a great deal of affection for him. But if he's as good as you say he is, then he won't push you away when you express it.
** no he hasn't when I have told him retrospectively what has made me angry the previous week
>You have every reason to feel angry, and I imagine he understands that.
**but i keep thinking my anger is so selfish because he has been so good and therefore there must be others who need him more than me.
>>He probably feels immense compassion for you,
** i saw that in his etes last week
>and if you are able to express your anger towards him I imagine he'll help you to feel some of his compassion. It seems clear from the conversation you had this week that your anger won't drive him away emotionally.
>
> I hope your session goes well.
>
> Tamar** thanks Tamar
milly
>
>
>
Posted by milly on March 31, 2006, at 12:44:30
In reply to Re: Gift for T » NikkiT2, posted by Dinah on March 30, 2006, at 16:53:26
Hi Dinah
> You just can't go attach to the next one over because this one isn't available.**something within me would resist being atatched again anyway because although I know it helps the therapy it is much less painful that way
milly
Posted by milly on March 31, 2006, at 12:50:20
In reply to Re: Gift for T » milly, posted by madeline on March 29, 2006, at 13:59:28
((((Milly))))
** thanks for the hug I needed that> I hope you do give it him on your last session. It would be so nice for him to have something to remember you by.
** i think I will but being a bit of a perfectionist I keep worrying it isn't good enough, it will take courage but at least we have prepared the ground by talking about it last session
> Good luck, keep us posted on how you're doing
I will
milly
Posted by fairywings on March 31, 2006, at 17:52:32
In reply to Re: Gift for T » Dinah, posted by milly on March 31, 2006, at 12:44:30
> **something within me would resist being atatched again anyway because although I know it helps the therapy it is much less painful that way
>Hi milly,
If you're anything like me, it doesn't work that way. I had a T, and it didn't work out, so I got a new T. I swore there was no way I'd get attached to him.....but I did. I'm glad I did, I'm really very fond of him. But if I had to quit....like you had to, I'd feel the same way you do. I'm so sorry.
fw
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Psychology | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.