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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 13 of 13. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by B2chica on March 29, 2006, at 11:58:06
why didn't i cancel with T today. i should have. i don't want to talk. it's too late now, they'd charge me anyway if i cancelled now.
i dont have anything to say. i don't want to talk to her. last night after a bottle of wine i was ready to talk. now i'm super clammed up. don't want to say ANYTHING to her.
not a single stupid word.
i'm fine. nothing bad, nothing bad.
i'm unsettled, don't knwo why. i'm ok, but i'm getting more and more aggitated as the day goes on.i absolutely don't want to talk about anythihng, course that means i probably will talk about something i don't want to and then i'll feel Horrible after seeing her. i don't want her!
i'm having a tantrum! i want my old T back. i have NOTHING for her. i don't want to be judged anymore!b2c
Posted by muffled on March 29, 2006, at 12:06:43
In reply to don't want to talk in session, posted by B2chica on March 29, 2006, at 11:58:06
Hey B2chica,
mebbe you could take in what you just posted?
I dunno,
You take care eh.
Muffly
Posted by fairywings on March 29, 2006, at 12:17:01
In reply to don't want to talk in session, posted by B2chica on March 29, 2006, at 11:58:06
Hi B2,
Sorry you're feeling so bad. Too bad you didn't write everything down you wanted to say last night. Do you think you can tell her you don't want to talk to her, and maybe talk about trust issues? Maybe if you're feeling ambivalent about her you might look for someone you'd feel safer with?
I hope it goes well even though you're not up to it.
fw
Posted by milly on March 29, 2006, at 14:10:08
In reply to don't want to talk in session, posted by B2chica on March 29, 2006, at 11:58:06
(((((((((((B2c)))))))))))))
I hate that feeling and running the risk of saying something I don't want to say just because.
I think muffled's idea was a good one.
Tantrum all you like
milly
Posted by B2chica on March 29, 2006, at 14:29:42
In reply to Re: don't want to talk in session » B2chica, posted by muffled on March 29, 2006, at 12:06:43
muffy, it's her.. i'm teen, she's a s@cky adult-female=betrayer/judgemental. i dohn't give a crp about what she thinks. i havent been around here lots but know your safe. i want to go out drinking and snmoking and prove that she scks.
maybe3 you and i should hang out.. i want to play hooky from work stuff today, kinda am. no one heere.
...come with me.
Posted by B2chica on March 29, 2006, at 14:30:35
In reply to Re: don't want to talk in session » B2chica, posted by fairywings on March 29, 2006, at 12:17:01
ya i'll tell her i don't trust her, not gonna trust her, don't wanna trust her. NEVER!!!!!!!!!!
she what she thingks of that!
> Hi B2,
>
> Sorry you're feeling so bad. Too bad you didn't write everything down you wanted to say last night. Do you think you can tell her you don't want to talk to her, and maybe talk about trust issues? Maybe if you're feeling ambivalent about her you might look for someone you'd feel safer with?
>
> I hope it goes well even though you're not up to it.
> fw
Posted by Racer on March 29, 2006, at 14:38:06
In reply to don't want to talk in session, posted by B2chica on March 29, 2006, at 11:58:06
Maybe you didn't cancel because some part of you wants to have the option of saying all that you want to say to her? Not necessarily to do it, just to have the option.
And I think it really is a good option to keep open, and I think you might do well for yourself actually to use it. TELL her many of the things you've told us, about how deeply you mistrust her, and what has happened that has contributed to it.
I remember when you posted about the file thing -- that you didn't want her to have your file, and that both she and the old T knew that, but that she had it anyway. What struck me most was a kind of sense that you thought she was taunting you with it. Whether or not she actually was, that's how it seemed you felt. If you're feeling that way this early in the relationship, there's an awful lot of work that has to happen right away for this to be anything other than a train wreck -- and she has to do some of it, too, I think. It's not that she has to convince you, somehow, that you were wrong, either. That would hardly be helpful. It's just that she really could be doing more to gain your trust.
Thing is, if you haven't been able to say to her, outright, "I have a lot of mistrust about you, and that file thing fed it in a big way," she really and truly may not know that trust is such an issue for you. While in a perfect world, all Ts would have good intuition about clients -- in the real world, all Ts are not created equal. Some are better than others at "feeling" their way with clients.
Also, and this is one of my recent revelations about myself, you may not be communicating as clearly with her about the issues as maybe you think you are. I've run into it a lot -- I'll tell my T that I was very clear about something, and she'll ask me to try to repeat my words. Lo and behold! What I said was perfectly clear -- to me. To her. But not to anyone else on the planet. Could be that you're clear with us about the trust issue -- and I think you are clear about it -- but are pulling your punches so much with her that she isn't at all aware of just how deeply you mistrust her.
One other thing, though, that I have noticed: it seems that you have trouble trusting women in general? And that's part of the issue here? Maybe it's worth working on that around her, even if you get nothing else out of the relationship? THink of her as a temporary T, just until you get to where you think that you could work with a good female T, if it came up? Just a thought, and I doubt I'd say exactly that to her...
Good luck, whatever you decide to do.
Posted by muffled on March 29, 2006, at 14:51:47
In reply to Re: don't want to talk in session, posted by B2chica on March 29, 2006, at 14:29:42
> muffy, it's her.. i'm teen, she's a s@cky adult-female=betrayer/judgemental. i dohn't give a crp about what she thinks. i havent been around here lots but know your safe. i want to go out drinking and snmoking and prove that she scks.
> maybe3 you and i should hang out.. i want to play hooky from work stuff today, kinda am. no one heere.
> ...come with me.
>
***Hi, you, ha!
I been raging and nobody knows why and it HILARIOUS. I don't give a f*ck bout nothing and nothing gives a f*ck about me.
Haaaaaaaaaaaaa, mebbee I not safe, but I know the code, and I won't jerk you around like some people.
I wanna do that about my T. F*cking she pisses me off so f*cking much and then she so freakin nice I can't get her.
F*cking people , f*cking world.
F*CK. thats what I say.
You should go tell your T . YOU go there. Tell her to f*ck herself and laugh and see what she does. She been f*cking with you, you can f*ck with her. May as well have a little fun.
Maybe I'm being bad.
Gonna go now.
Posted by muffled on March 29, 2006, at 14:58:53
In reply to Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! » B2chica, posted by muffled on March 29, 2006, at 14:51:47
Sorry B2chica, listen to racer. Its slipped past. Didn't even proofread. Don't be bad. Bad is not good. Bad is bad. I'm trying to make sure I'm not bad.
I'm kinda mixed up.
So I think its ok to be mad and say so, but not be bad.
The bad has to stay away.
My throat hurts.
I dunno.
Sorry.
:-(
Posted by B2chica on March 30, 2006, at 8:57:30
In reply to don't want to talk in session, posted by B2chica on March 29, 2006, at 11:58:06
man...i have to hand it to babble yet again. i was able to contain 'teen' and by the time i got there i didn't want to talk at all. but listening to babble i said that, i even told her i didn't trust her one reason being she's female, i told her i almost cancelled, i told her i didn't want to talk to her.
she told me she was very glad i told her those things and she wants me to feel comfortable, she even said that if i needed to i could call her between sessions.
well, she said a bunch more (mentioned my old T again, how he instructed her about me, what i need etc... it made me feel connected to him again, and this time i think some landed on her)
ya, it was a good session and put me one step closer to trusting her...ya, this just might work.
Thanks all
b2c.
Posted by fairywings on March 30, 2006, at 12:22:45
In reply to thanks babbles, session went better than expected, posted by B2chica on March 30, 2006, at 8:57:30
I'm glad it went well and you're feeling good about it B2, and I'm glad she's trying to gain your trust.fw
Posted by milly on March 30, 2006, at 13:22:18
In reply to thanks babbles, session went better than expected, posted by B2chica on March 30, 2006, at 8:57:30
Oh I'm so gald it went well and it might work out for you and this T.
You were brave to go back & talk well done
milly
Posted by Gee on March 30, 2006, at 16:48:31
In reply to thanks babbles, session went better than expected, posted by B2chica on March 30, 2006, at 8:57:30
I'm so glad it went well!!!!! I really do hope it works out for you. I hope that she starts to understand you as a person.
This is the end of the thread.
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