Posted by Racer on March 29, 2006, at 14:38:06
In reply to don't want to talk in session, posted by B2chica on March 29, 2006, at 11:58:06
Maybe you didn't cancel because some part of you wants to have the option of saying all that you want to say to her? Not necessarily to do it, just to have the option.
And I think it really is a good option to keep open, and I think you might do well for yourself actually to use it. TELL her many of the things you've told us, about how deeply you mistrust her, and what has happened that has contributed to it.
I remember when you posted about the file thing -- that you didn't want her to have your file, and that both she and the old T knew that, but that she had it anyway. What struck me most was a kind of sense that you thought she was taunting you with it. Whether or not she actually was, that's how it seemed you felt. If you're feeling that way this early in the relationship, there's an awful lot of work that has to happen right away for this to be anything other than a train wreck -- and she has to do some of it, too, I think. It's not that she has to convince you, somehow, that you were wrong, either. That would hardly be helpful. It's just that she really could be doing more to gain your trust.
Thing is, if you haven't been able to say to her, outright, "I have a lot of mistrust about you, and that file thing fed it in a big way," she really and truly may not know that trust is such an issue for you. While in a perfect world, all Ts would have good intuition about clients -- in the real world, all Ts are not created equal. Some are better than others at "feeling" their way with clients.
Also, and this is one of my recent revelations about myself, you may not be communicating as clearly with her about the issues as maybe you think you are. I've run into it a lot -- I'll tell my T that I was very clear about something, and she'll ask me to try to repeat my words. Lo and behold! What I said was perfectly clear -- to me. To her. But not to anyone else on the planet. Could be that you're clear with us about the trust issue -- and I think you are clear about it -- but are pulling your punches so much with her that she isn't at all aware of just how deeply you mistrust her.
One other thing, though, that I have noticed: it seems that you have trouble trusting women in general? And that's part of the issue here? Maybe it's worth working on that around her, even if you get nothing else out of the relationship? THink of her as a temporary T, just until you get to where you think that you could work with a good female T, if it came up? Just a thought, and I doubt I'd say exactly that to her...
Good luck, whatever you decide to do.
poster:Racer
thread:626065
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060325/msgs/626165.html