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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 11 of 11. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Dinah on March 15, 2006, at 10:36:17
to try to teach my therapist about attachment theory?
He is familiar with the term, but not the theory.
And I'm convinced it's the key to my problems.
Would it be rude to bring in some educational materials and go over them with him?
I could do it as something I'm excited about and wish to share with him. That shouldn't be too insulting should it?
Posted by fallsfall on March 15, 2006, at 11:31:35
In reply to Do you think it would be rude, posted by Dinah on March 15, 2006, at 10:36:17
I actually did something similar with my first therapist. I brought her the "Skills training manual" for DBT because I had found it in a bookstore. She hadn't seen it before.
It is not your job to teach psychology to your therapist. That said, you can say "I was reading this and it seemed important to me" and talk about why you think it is important. You can't (as you know) tell him to read something.
Sigh.
Posted by Dinah on March 15, 2006, at 17:30:33
In reply to Re: Do you think it would be rude » Dinah, posted by fallsfall on March 15, 2006, at 11:31:35
I did that once with mine too, and he was receptive. I think the reason we quit working on it was because I didn't particularly like him the skills trainer role.
I could bring in that article about attachment, or a few books, with the parts that are important to me highlighted, and discuss those.
Posted by Dinah on March 15, 2006, at 17:31:29
In reply to Re: Do you think it would be rude » Dinah, posted by fallsfall on March 15, 2006, at 11:31:35
How did it work out, by the way? Better than my try? Which was all my fault.
Posted by fallsfall on March 15, 2006, at 21:23:27
In reply to Re: Do you think it would be rude » fallsfall, posted by Dinah on March 15, 2006, at 17:31:29
Giving her the manual? She looked at it, then got her own copy. And sent me to DBT. She used to say "You are the only patient who has ever brought me a skills training manual - and a good one at that!"
Posted by Dinah on March 15, 2006, at 21:27:43
In reply to Re: Do you think it would be rude » Dinah, posted by fallsfall on March 15, 2006, at 21:23:27
lol. That was great. Especially the sending you to a separate class.
I really think it works better as originally envisioned, with a separate therapist and skills trainer.
Posted by Dinah on March 17, 2006, at 8:11:59
In reply to Re: Do you think it would be rude » fallsfall, posted by Dinah on March 15, 2006, at 21:27:43
http://www.trauma-pages.com/steele-2001.htm
It's pretty sad when I can't even recognize an article that was so helpful to me. :)
I blame brain overload.
Posted by fallsfall on March 17, 2006, at 11:32:06
In reply to Is this the article?, posted by Dinah on March 17, 2006, at 8:11:59
I've read the first third of the article. And as I'm reading it I feel like you are screaming out to him. I feel the agony that this disruption is causing you. But I also think that it is so painful for you that you are feeling a need to hide behind this scholarly, intellectual article. You can talk about dependency in a detached way if you use this article.
The other thing that goes through my mind is that my first therapist didn't understand my need for dependency. And I wonder if I could explain it to her now. I don't know if it would ever make sense to her, given her theoretical orientation. But my dependency and the importance of having those needs met by my current therapist are very clear to me.
My current therapist is very accepting of my need of him right now. He never argues when I say that I *need* to see him 3/week. And he didn't try to tell me that when he was on vacation that I wouldn't need him. He did tell me that he thought that I would be able to handle that need for the duration of his vacation. But he never told me that I didn't HAVE the need.
And then I look at you and your therapist.
The sense that I get is that your therapist is accepting of your need, but (like my first therapist - theoretical orientation may play a part in this) that he doesn't know how to leverage that need to help you move forward. And in this current state of upheaval in his personal and professional life, he is even more at a loss as to how to proceed.
It makes complete sense to me that you are agonizing over dependency right now. But, when I turn to academic writing, I am trying to teach my therapist something that they haven't learned yet in their studies. And this is what you concretely say that you are trying to do. I brought first class materials to my therapist (Linehan's treatment manual), and she did read and learn, and I think it did help. But I couldn't turn her into a psychodynamic therapist by educating her one paper at a time. And it wasn't really fair for me to try to do that. She had made her choice on the career that she wanted, and made her choice on the way that she wanted to help people. And her methods DO help lots and lots of people. She's not wrong. She just wasn't right for me. And it wasn't until I could accept that the FIT wasn't there, that I could move on.
I know what you are saying. You are saying that the FIT between you and your therapist IS there. I guess I would counter with: There is SOME fit, but could a different fit be more helpful?
When we find ourselves desperate to retrain our therapists, to make them something that they aren't, maybe it is time to find a different therapist.
(((((Dinah)))))
Posted by Dinah on March 17, 2006, at 13:01:15
In reply to Re: Is this the article? » Dinah, posted by fallsfall on March 17, 2006, at 11:32:06
I'm thinking this isn't the article. :( I should have bookmarked my websites better.
I'm not altogether certain what I'm hoping to gain, other than opening attachment more as a focus of my difficulties.
Posted by daisym on March 17, 2006, at 19:50:35
In reply to Is this the article?, posted by Dinah on March 17, 2006, at 8:11:59
This is one of the articles I go back to when I'm trying to convince myself that it is OK for me to feel like I feel. It is so clear that one of the responsibilities of the therapist is to accept the insecure attachment and work with it.
But...I am convincing myself. Not my therapist. I think it must be really hard to have the need to "teach" your therapist how to work with this stuff, and I suspect that as a client you really can't. Because it is suspect. It would seem like gratifying the patient, and we know that doing that isn't necessarily theraputic. Even if it would be.
I'm sorry things are so hard. I hope it gets better soon.
Posted by Dinah on March 17, 2006, at 20:07:07
In reply to Re: Is this the article? » Dinah, posted by daisym on March 17, 2006, at 19:50:35
I think I'm giving the wrong impression.
I had talked to him about attachment theory and he wasn't really familiar with it. It wasn't a really big deal, but I did want to share it with him. But more because I think it's interesting theory than because I want to teach him something in particular about me. Because he really has always seemed to grasp the concepts even if he isn't familiar with the formal theory. Maybe it's even to show him what he's done right. Especially for someone who wasn't trained psychoanalytically.
It's not because he doesn't accept attachment or thinks it's wrong. He's really ok with it. Really. :)
Our problems have come about mainly because of fate. Not ideology. D*mn fate.
This is the end of the thread.
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