Posted by fallsfall on March 17, 2006, at 11:32:06
In reply to Is this the article?, posted by Dinah on March 17, 2006, at 8:11:59
I've read the first third of the article. And as I'm reading it I feel like you are screaming out to him. I feel the agony that this disruption is causing you. But I also think that it is so painful for you that you are feeling a need to hide behind this scholarly, intellectual article. You can talk about dependency in a detached way if you use this article.
The other thing that goes through my mind is that my first therapist didn't understand my need for dependency. And I wonder if I could explain it to her now. I don't know if it would ever make sense to her, given her theoretical orientation. But my dependency and the importance of having those needs met by my current therapist are very clear to me.
My current therapist is very accepting of my need of him right now. He never argues when I say that I *need* to see him 3/week. And he didn't try to tell me that when he was on vacation that I wouldn't need him. He did tell me that he thought that I would be able to handle that need for the duration of his vacation. But he never told me that I didn't HAVE the need.
And then I look at you and your therapist.
The sense that I get is that your therapist is accepting of your need, but (like my first therapist - theoretical orientation may play a part in this) that he doesn't know how to leverage that need to help you move forward. And in this current state of upheaval in his personal and professional life, he is even more at a loss as to how to proceed.
It makes complete sense to me that you are agonizing over dependency right now. But, when I turn to academic writing, I am trying to teach my therapist something that they haven't learned yet in their studies. And this is what you concretely say that you are trying to do. I brought first class materials to my therapist (Linehan's treatment manual), and she did read and learn, and I think it did help. But I couldn't turn her into a psychodynamic therapist by educating her one paper at a time. And it wasn't really fair for me to try to do that. She had made her choice on the career that she wanted, and made her choice on the way that she wanted to help people. And her methods DO help lots and lots of people. She's not wrong. She just wasn't right for me. And it wasn't until I could accept that the FIT wasn't there, that I could move on.
I know what you are saying. You are saying that the FIT between you and your therapist IS there. I guess I would counter with: There is SOME fit, but could a different fit be more helpful?
When we find ourselves desperate to retrain our therapists, to make them something that they aren't, maybe it is time to find a different therapist.
(((((Dinah)))))
poster:fallsfall
thread:620579
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060312/msgs/621286.html