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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 6 of 6. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by jammerlich on February 13, 2006, at 11:27:20
I wrote recently about the special teacher for whom I think I am a Jessica and decided to send her an email about getting together. We're having lunch tomorrow. She picked the date and I just now realized it was Valentine's Day. I don't know if she chose it on purpose or if, like me, she didn't realize. But either way, I can't think of anyone I'd rather see tomorrow. It's sad, but that even includes my husband.
I'm feeling compelled to share more with her and connect on a deeper level. But I'm sure many of you can understand how scarey that feels. I don't want the dynamic between us to change and I don't want pity from her.
I'd like to tell her about the hurt from ex-T, but I think they may know each other. Their husbands are in the same line of work and have offices in the same small building. And I've thought I could explain the situation without naming names, but even then I worry that she might think I'm a complete freak.
I'd also really like to ask her what she thought my family/home life was like when I was her student. I'm very curious about how things looked to outsiders. BUT, I think she would probably want to know why I asked and I would really hate for her to have even a moment's guilt or bad feeling about not having seen any signs. It wouldn't surprise me at all if she had no clue. And I'm just not so sure if I really want to tell her. It hasn't worked out so well for me, telling people IRL. I'm not sure it's even possible for it to be a positive experience. Plus, it's Valentine's Day. Maybe I should just keep it light.
I also know I'll be getting a hug that feels incredibly good. It's been a LONG time since I got one of those and I'm afraid the tears will start to pour. She's the only person I feel completely comfortable hugging (well, except for the tears - those are new). I'm thinking about getting to the restaurant early, so I can be seated when she arrives. That way at least the tears won't start until the end and I can make a mad dash to my car.
Any thoughts? I've never been nervous about seeing her, but this time I am extremely anxious.
Posted by muffled on February 13, 2006, at 12:11:23
In reply to A Special Valentine's Day, posted by jammerlich on February 13, 2006, at 11:27:20
My thought is thats its so cool that you have someone like that in your life.
And to get together on a special day is nice.
I'm not good at emotions, so I dunno what to say.
Just enjoy I guess!
Muffled
Posted by jammerlich on February 13, 2006, at 20:48:49
In reply to Re: A Special Valentine's Day, posted by muffled on February 13, 2006, at 12:11:23
Posted by Emily Elizabeth on February 13, 2006, at 21:28:17
In reply to A Special Valentine's Day, posted by jammerlich on February 13, 2006, at 11:27:20
I think that this is the sort of question that only you can answer.
That said, I have a thought. It sounds like you are at a point right now where you could really use some positive energy and some comfort. Asking deep questions about the past really opens a can of worms. Although it could have a positive result, it could have a negative one too. Most likely it will have both a lot of positive and negative. It will be complicated. So, maybe consider having another meeting w/ her if you want to talk abt that deep, painful, heavy stuff. Keep tomorrow about warmth and connection. Happy memories, accomplishments since you last spoke, new hobbies, a new book you read, etc.
One thing I like to do for such lunches is to bring along some recent pix--just a few--to show my pets, a recent vacation, etc. It makes conversation easy and natural and helps me show the impt things going on in my life. I don't know if that is relevant here, but I thought I'd mention it.
Best,
EEP.S. Could you link me to where the "Jessica" thing started? I've read a few references to it, but I must have missed the 1st thread on the topic. I don't quite get it. Thanks!
Posted by jammerlich on February 15, 2006, at 1:10:00
In reply to Re: A Special Valentine's Day, posted by Emily Elizabeth on February 13, 2006, at 21:28:17
I went with plans just to enjoy being with her - nothing heavy. But she surprised me as we were saying goodbye and said, "Are you okay, Jammer?"
My husband doesn't see it, my parents don't see it and neither do my friends. But this woman I see less than once a year could tell. She could sense that something wasn't right. I think I'm more convinced than ever that there is a special connection between us. And it made me feel like maybe it was right to ask the questions I want to ask and open up to her a little bit.
I told her I would like to talk to her more. And she was actually concerned. I guess that shouldn't surprise me, but it does. She was willing to get together again later today, but I felt like I couldn't ditch my husband on valentine's day. She's going to call me tomorrow.
I'm scared. This is a good thing, right?
Posted by fallsfall on February 15, 2006, at 9:03:06
In reply to Re:She surprised me, posted by jammerlich on February 15, 2006, at 1:10:00
Yes, this is a good thing.
This is the end of the thread.
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