Posted by jammerlich on February 13, 2006, at 11:27:20
I wrote recently about the special teacher for whom I think I am a Jessica and decided to send her an email about getting together. We're having lunch tomorrow. She picked the date and I just now realized it was Valentine's Day. I don't know if she chose it on purpose or if, like me, she didn't realize. But either way, I can't think of anyone I'd rather see tomorrow. It's sad, but that even includes my husband.
I'm feeling compelled to share more with her and connect on a deeper level. But I'm sure many of you can understand how scarey that feels. I don't want the dynamic between us to change and I don't want pity from her.
I'd like to tell her about the hurt from ex-T, but I think they may know each other. Their husbands are in the same line of work and have offices in the same small building. And I've thought I could explain the situation without naming names, but even then I worry that she might think I'm a complete freak.
I'd also really like to ask her what she thought my family/home life was like when I was her student. I'm very curious about how things looked to outsiders. BUT, I think she would probably want to know why I asked and I would really hate for her to have even a moment's guilt or bad feeling about not having seen any signs. It wouldn't surprise me at all if she had no clue. And I'm just not so sure if I really want to tell her. It hasn't worked out so well for me, telling people IRL. I'm not sure it's even possible for it to be a positive experience. Plus, it's Valentine's Day. Maybe I should just keep it light.
I also know I'll be getting a hug that feels incredibly good. It's been a LONG time since I got one of those and I'm afraid the tears will start to pour. She's the only person I feel completely comfortable hugging (well, except for the tears - those are new). I'm thinking about getting to the restaurant early, so I can be seated when she arrives. That way at least the tears won't start until the end and I can make a mad dash to my car.
Any thoughts? I've never been nervous about seeing her, but this time I am extremely anxious.
poster:jammerlich
thread:609168
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060211/msgs/609168.html