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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 11 of 11. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by happyflower on January 29, 2006, at 17:34:59
What is the point? The other 2 people I felt this connection to it was mutually felt, but I don't think he feels it with me, so I must be having delusional thoughts or hallucinations.
Even if he did feel it, nothing can come from it, it is like he is going to " die" just like my grandma and friend, only he will be alive. I will probably see him, but I can't share any of his life with him, it would be easier if he was dead. Besides if it was truely a connection, he would feel it too, it wouldn't be one-sided.
Maybe I can just try not to feel this, maybe it will go away some day. I just don't see the point in talking about it with him, if it won't change the way I feel, and nothing can come of it anyways. So why put myself through the grief? I should just just shut up and keep it to myself. Will I ever learn? I regret telling him in the first place.
Posted by Dinah on January 29, 2006, at 17:54:08
In reply to Thinking about not talking about my feelings, posted by happyflower on January 29, 2006, at 17:34:59
I dunno. I feel better for talking about it straight out. It always felt like we were talking on two different levels, and only I knew what we were saying.
Posted by happyflower on January 29, 2006, at 18:06:07
In reply to Re: Thinking about not talking about my feelings » happyflower, posted by Dinah on January 29, 2006, at 17:54:08
Posted by Daisym on January 29, 2006, at 20:04:57
In reply to Re: Thinking about not talking about my feelings » happyflower, posted by Dinah on January 29, 2006, at 17:54:08
I agree with Dinah. While it was hard, I'm glad I shared how I felt because those feelings complicate lots of other issues. And we've had some really great sessions working with those feelings.
But I have also felt the way you have, "I'm sorry I said anything, nothing is going to change" because it does hurt to feel something for someone when they don't/can't feel it back. If your therapist isn't open to talking about your feelings for him, or you won't use them in therapy, I can see where dropping this subject might be best. I don't happen to believe that he isn't connected to you, I think that the feelings are your side are different. It isn't about your bond, it is about love and sexual fantasies and wanting to be special and wishing you had that in your real life. Given the strain in your marriage and the one-to-one attention you get from your therapist, not to mention how compatible you are with him, it is easy to see why these feelings are so strong. Maybe talking about these feelings will lead to ways to strengthen your marriage.
Good luck with this. I know it is hard.
Posted by fallsfall on January 29, 2006, at 22:07:16
In reply to Thinking about not talking about my feelings, posted by happyflower on January 29, 2006, at 17:34:59
These feelings are important to you. Because of that you should talk about them in therapy. Even if things can't change to the way you want them to be, that doesn't mean that talking about it can't make your life better. It is so hard to keep talking about these hard topics, but (at least for me) it is worth it.
Posted by fairywings on January 30, 2006, at 0:52:29
In reply to Re: Thinking about not talking about my feelings » happyflower, posted by fallsfall on January 29, 2006, at 22:07:16
I agree with the others. It's important to talk to him. You need intimacy, and even if it's not the intimacy you want, he can still be so special to you. How could he help but be special? You've been through so much together. I know he can't tell you that you're special to him, but keep talking about how YOU feel. Somehow, one way or another, you'll work this out, and feel better for working on it.fw
Posted by muffled on January 30, 2006, at 23:03:42
In reply to Thinking about not talking about my feelings, posted by happyflower on January 29, 2006, at 17:34:59
Dunno what to say cept sorry its so hard. I don't understand people and relationships and all that weird sh*t. I'm supposed to be learning. Sounds all SO complicated.
Walls. Boundaries.
I dunno. I don't get all this stuff.
I know your T must like you alot.
My T says she likes me.
I just don't get it.
Don't wanna.
Too confusing.
Sigh.
I supposed to say nice things to Happyflower and I end up whining.
Sorry.
I really like you happyflower.
You take care.
Muffy
Posted by happyflower on January 31, 2006, at 11:16:30
In reply to (((((((((((((Happyflower)))))))))))) » happyflower, posted by muffled on January 30, 2006, at 23:03:42
Thanks Muffy for your support, I like you too. I don't think you are whinning, you are being honest, and I admire that about you. You are not fake, I can tell. When you tell me how you feel, I am getting someone who is real. :) I like that!
Posted by happyflower on January 31, 2006, at 11:19:49
In reply to Re: Thinking about not talking about my feelings » happyflower, posted by Dinah on January 29, 2006, at 17:54:08
> I dunno. I feel better for talking about it straight out. It always felt like we were talking on two different levels, and only I knew what we were saying.
I think I feel the same too. It also feels like we are talking on different levels, me being real, him being very reserved and a scared rabbit. LOL Sometimes I think I just need to see his actions, to know how he feels, because it doesn't come out verbally. yeah, it's ethics, but him not being "real" seems to go against what they are suppose to teach us about our feelings. Thanks Dinah.
Posted by happyflower on January 31, 2006, at 11:38:00
In reply to Re: Thinking about not talking about my feelings, posted by Daisym on January 29, 2006, at 20:04:57
>.
>
> But I have also felt the way you have, "I'm sorry I said anything, nothing is going to change" because it does hurt to feel something for someone when they don't/can't feel it back.
**I am
still on the fence if I want to talk more about my feelings. I don't want to get hurt. My session is tomorrow, so I have a lot of thinking to do.If your therapist isn't open to talking about your feelings for him, or you won't use them in therapy, I can see where dropping this subject might be best.
**I think this was my first impression I got. He felt like I wanted him to agree with me about fate, which I know he won't . I had to tell him I need to talk about it, it doesn't matter if he agrees or not. I told him if I believed I have creatures from outterspace living with me, and he doesn't beleive me, it doesn't mean that we can't talk about it, can we? LOL
I don't happen to believe that he isn't connected to you, I think that the feelings are your side are different. It isn't about your bond, it is about love and sexual fantasies and wanting to be special and wishing you had that in your real life.
**I don't think I feel this way, but maybe you are right, and I don't see it yet. I felt this way about him even when I thought my marrige was okay. For me it is that special bond is what I want to talk about. Why do I feel it for him? I never felt it for my DH or kids or most people I know ( I do feel a different bond for my DH and kids). But this bond I feel for my T is different. I do appreciate your post, I don't fully understand it, but I am happy you told me what you think. It gives me something to think about. Thanks! :)
Posted by happyflower on January 31, 2006, at 11:39:05
In reply to Re: Thinking about not talking about my feelings, posted by fairywings on January 30, 2006, at 0:52:29
This is the end of the thread.
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