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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 11 of 11. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by happyflower on January 25, 2006, at 19:20:19
I was worried that somehow what I told him would make both of us uncomforable with each other, but it didn't. I did tell him that I want to talk more about the bond that I have with him next session, even if he doesn't believe in fate. He said we could talk about it, but I won't get him to change his mind what he thinks of fate. I said I wasn't trying to, this is just a mystery in my life that I had for years.
So next week that will the topic. :)Well this session we talked about a lot of "heavy" topics like consciences, language, life after death, religion, after death communications, near death experiences. Wow! LOL
He even burned a couple of CD's for me from one of his favorite bands that he is going to see in concert in a couple of weeks. I wasn't totally familar with the group, and he said he thought I would like them. I was surprised that he remembered after last weeks topic! LOL I think things will be okay now. This is one of the first sessions in a long time we didn't talk about the same old thing, my marriage. I felt more relaxed that I have in a long time, and could just be myself. That is special in itself, ya know?
Posted by crazy teresa on January 25, 2006, at 19:28:54
In reply to Had a good session today!, posted by happyflower on January 25, 2006, at 19:20:19
Posted by happyflower on January 26, 2006, at 9:02:08
In reply to Had a good session today!, posted by happyflower on January 25, 2006, at 19:20:19
Posted by muffled on January 26, 2006, at 14:38:08
In reply to Had a good session today!, posted by happyflower on January 25, 2006, at 19:20:19
Glad you had a good session HF. You definately have an unusual T. relationship. Can't beleive your T don't see that.
Anyhow, sorry I haven't been very helpful or fun or communicative. I just get this way sometimes.
But I'm doing ok.
Take care you!
Muffly
Posted by happyflower on January 26, 2006, at 17:39:18
In reply to Re: Had a good session today! » happyflower, posted by muffled on January 26, 2006, at 14:38:08
> Glad you had a good session HF. You definately have an unusual T. relationship. Can't beleive your T don't see that.
Just wondering why you think it is unusual, does anyone else think that? I have only been in therapy once so I don't have anything to compare it to.
> Anyhow, sorry I haven't been very helpful or fun or communicative. I just get this way sometimes.
Hey, I think you just told us a great joke on social! :) I laughed anyways. I am glad you are doing okay! :) (((((MUFFY)(
> But I'm doing ok.
> Take care you!
> Muffly
Posted by muffled on January 26, 2006, at 22:44:35
In reply to Had a good session today!, posted by happyflower on January 25, 2006, at 19:20:19
> I was worried that somehow what I told him would make both of us uncomforable with each other, but it didn't. I did tell him that I want to talk more about the bond that I have with him next session, even if he doesn't believe in fate. He said we could talk about it, but I won't get him to change his mind what he thinks of fate. I said I wasn't trying to, this is just a mystery in my life that I had for years.
> So next week that will the topic. :)
>
> Well this session we talked about a lot of "heavy" topics like consciences, language, life after death, religion, after death communications, near death experiences. Wow! LOL
> He even burned a couple of CD's for me from one of his favorite bands that he is going to see in concert in a couple of weeks. I wasn't totally familar with the group, and he said he thought I would like them. I was surprised that he remembered after last weeks topic! LOL I think things will be okay now. This is one of the first sessions in a long time we didn't talk about the same old thing, my marriage. I felt more relaxed that I have in a long time, and could just be myself. That is special in itself, ya know?
>
>*** I dunno, I just read your post and it sounds more like a friendly visit amongst friends than therapy mostly.
Real good friends.
Hope its ok.
I dunno much bout T's and people and stuff anyways so I don't suppose what I think amounts to a hill of beans anyhow.
Glad you enjoying him and doing ok with 'stuff'.
Your sure great Happy, love to see your posts.
Muffy
Posted by happyflower on January 27, 2006, at 1:17:55
In reply to Re: Had a good session today! » happyflower, posted by muffled on January 26, 2006, at 22:44:35
> *** I dunno, I just read your post and it sounds more like a friendly visit amongst friends than therapy mostly.
> Real good friends.
> Hope its ok.You are right, we do relate in a friendly way, I am comfortable with him in that way. I don't feel he is above me in any way because he is a T and all. (maybe that is a problem ). But we do get a lot of therapy done somehow. I am mostly open to anything now.
> I dunno much bout T's and people and stuff anyways so I don't suppose what I think amounts to a hill of beans anyhow.
Hey, don't put yourself down now, I don't know much either, only my own experience. I am glad you are posting to me about this. I feel I must have scared people away from me from some of my past posts and people don't want to respond to my posts about my therapy anymore. :( Even If I disagree with the advice sometimes, and sometimes get upset whe I am told something I am not ready to hear, I still value it neverless.
I hate that people are walking on eggshells around me.> Glad you enjoying him and doing ok with 'stuff'.
I do enjoy my T most of the time and am doing a lot better than a year ago. I still have stuff to work out, mostly marriage stuff and social stuff. I enjoy talking to my T, I do enjoy the relationship whatever it is and I do like him. But it also makes it scary, the bond that I have with him, most of these situations I have had with the same bond was great until they died.
> Your sure great Happy, love to see your posts.
> Muffy
I think you are special too, I enjoy talking to you on the boards and it is really fun in open. We should try to do that again, maybe this weekend. :)
>
Posted by Daisym on January 27, 2006, at 10:52:41
In reply to Re: Had a good session today! » muffled, posted by happyflower on January 27, 2006, at 1:17:55
Happy,
I don't think you've scared people away. There seems to be a lot of pain on the board right now, for whatever reason. And I know lots of people are traveling too.
I've been thinking about what you've written, especially this idea of fate and wanting to talk to your therapist about it. I'm going to be VERY presumptuous here and I could be way, way off... and I know you didn't ask me...
But....
When I read that you want him to keep an open mind about "fate" and how important it is for you to talk to him about it and how you feel about being soul mates, etc. etc. -- to me it all feels like veiled wishes to keep talking about how you feel about him. You wrote that he said he has had clients in love with him before but that it goes away when he is clear that he doesn't love them back. (paraphrasing, forgive me.) To me the message would be: these feelings are wrong and unwanted by him. He doesn't want to talk about them, so instead you want to talk about fate.
Is it possible that there is a secret fantasy if you can convince him to believe in fate, he might be open to how you feel about him, and how you think he feels about you? There is nothing wrong with having this fantasy, I'm not suggesting there is. I have my own version of it...
I just saw the mood swing after you talked about the elepant in the room and i think there are a lot of unresolved feelings about all of this, including how he accepted or didn't accept what you were really trying to say. These things are so painful for us, knowing what we want, knowing we can't have it, knowing that if we ever got it we probably wouldn't really want it. Maybe I'm projecting all over the place but I would have a hard time saying, "Oh, OK then, I'll reclassify my feelings for you and stick them over here in the "I was just being silly" box.
I don't know if I'm making much sense this morning. I'm not sleeping much so I'm dense and slow. I just want to gently encourage you to think about what you really want to talk about but I'll be supportive of you not talking about it too.
Posted by happyflower on January 27, 2006, at 18:49:02
In reply to Re: Had a good session today! » happyflower, posted by Daisym on January 27, 2006, at 10:52:41
Hi Daisy,
Thanks for responding, I do need some advice, I hope you are right people are just busy and stuff to respond to my posts.
I think what I felt when I first talked about the elephant, was relief, I finally was able to bring it out into the open.But I didn't tell him that I loved him, because I am not thinking that I do. I do feel a bond with him that started the first day I talked to him on the phone. I have only felt this bond with 2 other people in my life who are all dead now. THe bond (as my T calls it) is that special feeling that I don't know what it is or if it has a purpose. I have been trying to find out the meaning of these feelings for years. I still feel this connection to these people within myself. It is weird. Is it fate, is it soul mates, what is it? This is what I want to talk more about with my T .
Am I reading too much into the amazing coincidenses between us that we keep discovering about each other? Does that special feeling that I have about him have anything to do with it?
After talking a little about it with him about fate and what I find that I read, I am not sure if I believe in fate either. But I am not sure. But I want to talk about it, and hopefully he can help me get an understanding on what it all means.When he mentioned about the others who have fallen in love with him being transference, he said it often ends rather quickly when he doesn't return the feelings. He hasn't done anything and my feelings are the same. I told him that I am not in love with him, but I like him a lot and enjoy talking to him and it sucks that we can't have a social relationship after therapy.
I guess my mood swings was about first relief, than reality, we can't be friends or have coffee together even though we would both like it if the situation was different.I will accept whatever his boundries are and live with it, it will hard to lose the connection. Even thought I think the connection will continue at least for me, even without talking to him socially.
I do admit that I am physically attracted to him, but I don't believe that is love though. Yeah, I have fantasies about that too. I haven't told him about that though, I don't know if it is really important. I know he is attracted to me too, but he doesn't talk about either. I might tell him though.
Maybe I will never find answers to my questions about this special bond that I feel. Maybe it is just what it is, a bond. I just want to explore it though.
So I don't know what to do, other than talk about it all with him. He said he would talk about fate with me and the feelings that I have next session.
He knows this has been on my mind for a long time now, and I need to talk about it no matter how awkward it is. Athough he said since my feelings aren't romantic, that it isn't awkward for him. So I am glad we wil be able to talk about this.
So does this help in giving me some advice or does it make any sense? Thanks again,
Happyflower
Posted by gardenergirl on January 27, 2006, at 20:38:47
In reply to Need some advice , please! » Daisym, posted by happyflower on January 27, 2006, at 18:49:02
Hey happy,
I'm just thinking...is it possible to just enjoy the bond without thinking too much about it? It is what it is, even if you're not sure what that is. And it will always be with you, even when therapy ends.
I don't know. My T and I had a conversation in my last session that was interesting. I said maybe I was wishing to include him in my family, especially since I had just spent a number of days with family who were openly expressing caring and love. And he countered with maybe I wished he included me in his family. He thought that meant the same thing, but to me its different.
I can think of him however I wish, regardless of how he feels. (Of course, if he expresses how he does or does not feel, that makes it harder to continue a wish if he says something contrary.) But he's free to choose or not to include me in his family, whether I wish it or not. So, it's different.
You can always think of your T as a soul mate even if he does not return the feeling.
Does that help at all, or is it too simplistic?
gg
Posted by happyflower on January 27, 2006, at 21:48:04
In reply to Re: Need some advice , please!, posted by gardenergirl on January 27, 2006, at 20:38:47
Sometime the simple way is the way to think about things. It is funny that earlier today I was thinking that maybe I should just let it be what it is and stop trying to analize it.
Just enjoy it, but I am just chickening out of talking about it next session? I wish life was more simple, ya know! :)
Thanks GG, it is nice to see ya posting again! ;)
This is the end of the thread.
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