![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 2 to 26 of 26. Go back in thread:
Posted by fairywings on January 16, 2006, at 0:28:21
In reply to Just a broken record here, posted by jammerlich on January 15, 2006, at 23:45:06
> I've been hesitant to start this thread because I haven't anything new to say, really. Former T's phone call to thank me for the
>
> I just know that I hurt....a lot.
(((jammerlich)))I think that says so much right there! You hurt a lot!!! Sounds like therapy is what you need, a place where it's okay to feel needy, okay to feel childish, okay to feel overwhelmed by the feelings you feel for another person, and okay to let her help you understand and work through all of that.
>
> I think I've been doing a good job of hiding it though.**Oh, that's got to be so difficult, and no one should have to hide the pain they feel from their partner. I know we all do it from time to time, but you esp. shouldn't have to take care of someone else who's doing okay when you're feeling so much pain.
>>Doing so seems like a necessity because when I don't my husband just ends up going on about how hard it is for him to see me "like this"
**Can you by any chance share with him how that makes you feel like you have to hide your pain from him? That you need him to be strong for you right now?
>>after he goes falls asleep, I go to another room, curl up in a corner and sob. I have to, otherwise I think I might implode.
** I hope you can find a way to share this with him. Don't you think he'd want to know how badly you're suffering? I know it's so hard to talk about, but so important to let them know.
>
> So you guys, you lucky babblers, get to be subjected to the thoughts that have no other place to go....**I'm glad you said something jammerlich. I'm so sorry you've been suffering in silence.
>
> But the relationship - I hadn't bargained for that. It terrified me***I don't think there are many of us who fully realize what we're getting ourselves into as far as the feelings we develop for our T's. I think the T's know it's bound to happen, and there are a lot of types of therapies where the transference is felt to be necessary. It's something to work through. I guess it's part of the process.
>>and I'm not sure she really understood that. I'm still terrified about that part though. Does that mean I'm not in a place for therapy?**I don't think so at all, I think it means you're in a perfect place for therapy, but it seems you'll have to let go a little and trust your T (if you go back), so she can help you. And of course, that's easier said than done, it takes time.
>
> If I went back, I'm not sure how I'd want her to be. I think maybe my boundaries were the ones that were so rigid, not hers. She used touch some and sometimes we'd sit near one another and there were times I thought that was what I wanted.**Sounds like she knew what you needed, and it sounds like you put up a bit of a wall, but she wanted to help you take down that wall and let her in, so she could help you and comfort you. She sounds very kind and caring.
>>But I could never let myself soak it in. I would just beat myself up for being so childish.**Yep, it's confusing and painful to be an adult and feel so childlike.
>>I'd never wanted closeness like that before and I HATED that suddenly I did. It felt dangerous to allow it and I was in a perpetual state of fear. But guess what? I STILL want it. It's like a fire was ignited and I can't put it out.
***I completely understand this. It feels like an addiction, like a spiral that you'll never be able to work your way out of, and you're afraid of getting caught up in it, and lost. I think it's completely normal to want that kind of attention, caring, reassurance, closeness, but at the same time, since it's not a relationship that's supposed to go on forever, it's very scary.
>>Only now, after what happened, I'm even more scared. So if I went back, I think I'd want to be in self-protection mode and keep every kind of distance there is. But that's such a sad feeling.***Maybe, since she called you, and sees that there's still a need for therapy, she sees that you felt so much danger in allowing her in? Maybe she knows you'll still have that wall around you, maybe she'll know it'll be reinforced at first? Sounds like that's a good place to start.
Any chance you can make an appt., and then put all of those feelings down in writing and send them to her b4 your first appt., so that she will know where to start, and you won't have a way to let yourself off the hook as far as letting her know how you're feeling?
>>Only I'd still want her to be like she was and I'm afraid she might not be and it would hurt knowing she'd sort of withdrawn from me. Yet I want to be withdrawn from her. I know it's unfair and juvenile, but it's what I want.**I'm sure she'll be just as wonderful as she was b4. After all she called you, she cares about you, she understands how you're feeling. And it's okay to feel like you want to stomp your foot, or pull away a bit, it's all normal. But don't cheat yourself out of an opportunity to have that relationship that felt so warm and nurturing to you. Life's too short to not give that to yourself.
>
> There's so much more I wanted to say, but I just can't get it all together. I'm exhausted and I need a kleenex. I hope it's ok if I come back and post more later.**I hope you do. It sounds like you could use a shoulder to cry on. Please don't hide your feelings (((Jammerlich))).
fw
Posted by Anneke on January 16, 2006, at 9:05:27
In reply to Just a broken record here, posted by jammerlich on January 15, 2006, at 23:45:06
Fairywings had a great post, I'm not sure how much I have to add....but I'll try.
> I've been hesitant to start this thread because I haven't anything new to say, really. Former T's phone call to thank me for the Christmas card has been weighing heavily on my mind and I still don't what course of action to take.
>
> I just know that I hurt....a lot.I'm so sorry you're hurting....I've been thinking about you, wondering what decision you've made, but I didn't want you to feel pressured in any way.
>
> I think I've been doing a good job of hiding it though. Doing so seems like a necessity because when I don't my husband just ends up going on about how hard it is for him to see me "like this" and then I have to take care of him and myself. There's no energy for that right now. Most every night, after he goes falls asleep, I go to another room, curl up in a corner and sob. I have to, otherwise I think I might implode.That is so hard....is that a familiar feeling? Having to hide how you're feeling, feeling like you neeed to take care of other people's feelings? (It is for me...)
>
> So you guys, you lucky babblers, get to be subjected to the thoughts that have no other place to go....That's what the board is here for!
>
> T told me back then that I was too ambivalent about therapy and that was one of the reasons I couldn't come back. I really don't think I was. Therapy - I knew I needed it. I wanted help, some guidance. But the relationship - I hadn't bargained for that. It terrified me and I'm not sure she really understood that. I'm still terrified about that part though. Does that mean I'm not in a place for therapy?To me it sounds like a perfect place to be in therapy....if you're ready to really look at the relationship and the feelings surrounding it. I guess not everyone would agree with me, but my feeling is that if the therapy relationship is bringing up this much feeling in you, then it's something really important to look at.
>
> If I went back, I'm not sure how I'd want her to be. I think maybe my boundaries were the ones that were so rigid, not hers. She used touch some and sometimes we'd sit near one another and there were times I thought that was what I wanted. But I could never let myself soak it in. I would just beat myself up for being so childish. I'd never wanted closeness like that before and I HATED that suddenly I did. It felt dangerous to allow it and I was in a perpetual state of fear. But guess what? I STILL want it. It's like a fire was ignited and I can't put it out. Only now, after what happened, I'm even more scared. So if I went back, I think I'd want to be in self-protection mode and keep every kind of distance there is. But that's such a sad feeling. Only I'd still want her to be like she was and I'm afraid she might not be and it would hurt knowing she'd sort of withdrawn from me. Yet I want to be withdrawn from her. I know it's unfair and juvenile, but it's what I want.Have you done any inner child work? I don't know any of your history, but it sounds like you may have been "taught" that closeness (emotional and physical) is "bad" or "needy" or leads to bad things. Or that you need to be independent or can't rely on people.
I'm talking from personal experience here, so bear with me....I understand that feeling of wanting to soak up her attention and touch, but beating myself up for wanting it. My therapist also uses touch (which I think can be a very powerful tool as welll as one which needs to be handled very carefully) and slowly I've been able to accept my need for safe touch and a close emotinal relationship as normal. But, it's not a linear process....there are times when I feel myself closing down and we talk about why that is, and it's usually because the little girl in me is feeling really needy but the adult me needs to feel in control and the best way I know how to do that is to put up walls all around. It's hard to negotiate between what the younger you needed and didn't get (at least in my case...my parents were really unemotional and physically distant) and what the adult needs to be a functional being.
It sounds to me that your past therapist is someone who will work with these feelings, yes? Because, in my opinion, for what its worth, they need to be worked on gently and with great understanding. I'm still not clear on what her definition was of your ambivalance, though, and that's the one thing that bothers me about the way your therapy ended. It's my feeling that it's her job to help you through that ambivalence because these kind of overwhelming feelings that we clients can have for our therapists ARE confusing and scary and painful and I don't think anyone would submit to them without a lot of ambivalence about whether or not they are really helpful. I love that my therapist has been through her own healing process and so she reassures me that she understands. And, she's so good at working with the scared, needy little child who needs her and the adult who wants to be very rational about the whole thing.
>
> There's so much more I wanted to say, but I just can't get it all together. I'm exhausted and I need a kleenex. I hope it's ok if I come back and post more later.Please come back and post.....I'm not sure if anything I wrote it too helpful; I feel like I'm in the midst of the process you're talking about, so I can't reassure you about the end result, but it has gotten so much easier and there is such a relief in just talking about the feelings. I like Fairywings suggestion about making the appointment and sending her your written thoughts ahead of time. I did that a lot in the beginning of therapy and still do from time to time. And, really, it sounds like your feeling pretty awful right now....what do you have to lose?
One final thought....are you/have you ever been on medications for depression? They can really help get you through these rough spots until the therapy starts to take hold.....
(((Jammerlich))))
Anneke
>
Posted by madeline on January 16, 2006, at 18:04:25
In reply to Just a broken record here, posted by jammerlich on January 15, 2006, at 23:45:06
how did your therapy with your ex-T end?
If she terminated you, then I would be very skeptical going back to the same therapist. For me, it was hard enough to trust my T, I can't even imagine if he terminated me.
Posted by Dinah on January 16, 2006, at 20:28:48
In reply to Just a broken record here, posted by jammerlich on January 15, 2006, at 23:45:06
Maybe it would be a good idea to meet and talk to her, so that you know what the possibilities are.
I don't think that what you said makes you unready for therapy. But I fear that if she truly doesn't understand, she might not be the right therapist for you. Not all therapists are trained to deal with the feelings their clients develop for them.
Which doesn't mean they can't learn, of course. But some are more willing to learn than others.
What you're describing isn't all that unusual in therapy, you know. A well trained empathetic therapist could help you explore the issue.
Posted by jammerlich on January 17, 2006, at 17:33:00
In reply to Re: Just a broken record here » jammerlich, posted by fairywings on January 16, 2006, at 0:28:21
**Can you by any chance share with him how that makes you feel like you have to hide your pain from him? That you need him to be strong for you right now?
I've tried before and it's never seemed to work. Seems pointless now - will only result in more hurt feelings and I already have enough of those.
***I don't think there are many of us who fully realize what we're getting ourselves into as far as the feelings we develop for our T's. I think the T's know it's bound to happen, and there are a lot of types of therapies where the transference is felt to be necessary.
I think one of the big problems is that I'm not exactly sure she practices one of these therapies. I never asked and we didn't talk about the relationship much. I don't know if that's because I never brought it up or because she didn't want to. That's probably something important to find out if I do go back to her. If she doesn't, I'm afraid it will always be painful and maybe it'd be better to cut my losses and run.
**Sounds like she knew what you needed, and it sounds like you put up a bit of a wall, but she wanted to help you take down that wall and let her in, so she could help you and comfort you. She sounds very kind and caring.So much of the time she really was. She surprised me with it all the time - offering hugs, calling occasionally between sessions, allowing me to call her as often as I needed. Those things shocked, pleased and terrified me all at the same time. I didn't really know what to do with it. But there at the end, she seemed very unkind and I'm not really sure which, if any, of my perceptions were/are correct.
**Yep, it's confusing and painful to be an adult and feel so childlike.
It really is. I wish it didn't hurt so much.
***I completely understand this. It feels like an addiction, like a spiral that you'll never be able to work your way out of, and you're afraid of getting caught up in it, and lost. I think it's completely normal to want that kind of attention, caring, reassurance, closeness, but at the same time, since it's not a relationship that's supposed to go on forever, it's very scary.Yes, it's doomed to end, so why let it happen in the first place? I had/have very little hope that the feelings will lessen gradually and that the process will work. And everything you said, I'd tell another person, but I just can't seem to make it apply to me. Somehow, I'm different - in my own mind, I mean. I wish I could allow myself the same compassion I have for others. But I can't.
***Maybe, since she called you, and sees that there's still a need for therapy, she sees that you felt so much danger in allowing her in? Maybe she knows you'll still have that wall around you, maybe she'll know it'll be reinforced at first? Sounds like that's a good place to start.
Well, I'd definitely write a lot for her before I went back. I'd tell her that it's the relationship I'm ambivalent about, not therapy itself and that the relationship scares me. But I'm not so sure I could admit the feelings I have for her and about the touching, etc. That would make me feel more vulnerable and I don't want her to have any more power than she must - not at first.
**Any chance you can make an appt., and then put all of those feelings down in writing and send them to her b4 your first appt., so that she will know where to start, and you won't have a way to let yourself off the hook as far as letting her know how you're feeling?
I'm not sure I'm allowed to just call and make an appointment. I'd write to her first, telling her as much as I feel safe telling, and then make an appointment if she contacted me giving her consent. It's just the writing of that letter that's so hard.
Thanks for posting to me. I really do appreciate it.
Posted by jammerlich on January 17, 2006, at 17:34:58
In reply to Re: Just a broken record here, posted by Anneke on January 16, 2006, at 9:05:27
So much of what you said made a LOT of sense. You touched on some raw spots - but in a good, I feel understood sort of way. Would you mind if I sent you babble mail?
Posted by jammerlich on January 17, 2006, at 17:39:24
In reply to Re: Just a broken record here, posted by madeline on January 16, 2006, at 18:04:25
> how did your therapy with your ex-T end?
>
> If she terminated you, then I would be very skeptical going back to the same therapist. For me, it was hard enough to trust my T, I can't even imagine if he terminated me.Yes, she did terminate me and I have the same concerns you do and I am scared. But so often she was terribly kind and there were a couple of time when she interrupted me and finished my sentence exactly the way I was going to and it was very powerful. So powerful I think I might need to give it another shot.
Or maybe I'm just a glutton for punishment. Sometimes I'm not really sure.
Posted by jammerlich on January 17, 2006, at 17:45:40
In reply to Re: Just a broken record here » jammerlich, posted by Dinah on January 16, 2006, at 20:28:48
> Maybe it would be a good idea to meet and talk to her, so that you know what the possibilities are.
I know I really need to, otherwise I'll just sit here doing the "what ifs" until I drive myself crazy. Right now my fear has me pretty much paralyzed.
> I don't think that what you said makes you unready for therapy. But I fear that if she truly doesn't understand, she might not be the right therapist for you. Not all therapists are trained to deal with the feelings their clients develop for them.
I fear this too and it's something that MUST be discussed if I do go back. She may not even know how I was feeling. I'm not really sure if I ever said it. I think maybe it was all so loud in my head I thought she HAD to have know - but I can't say for sure if I ever really verbalized it.
> Which doesn't mean they can't learn, of course. But some are more willing to learn than others.
And even if she's willing, I'm not sure I'm willing to be the guinea pig. I just keep thinking, though, that with 20 years under her belt, it'd have been something she'd have at least mentioned.
> What you're describing isn't all that unusual in therapy, you know. A well trained empathetic therapist could help you explore the issue.Thanks for letting me know I'm not a freak. I certainly feel like one sometimes.
Posted by Anneke on January 17, 2006, at 22:00:33
In reply to Re: Just a broken record here » Anneke, posted by jammerlich on January 17, 2006, at 17:34:58
Not a problem...send away. I'll look forward to it.
Posted by jammerlich on January 17, 2006, at 22:46:22
In reply to Re: Just a broken record here, posted by Anneke on January 17, 2006, at 22:00:33
Today is her birthday. I'm not "supposed" to know this, but I do. I'm one of those people who google and find whatever I can, and that's one of the things I stumbled across. I don't know why I mention it, other than that because of it I think I've thought of her a little more than usual today.
When we last spoke, she invoked her "good judgment" in relation to my refusal to take AD's. She never knew why I wouldn't, because I could never bring myself to tell her, but her saying that came off as arrogant to me. And of course it implies that my judgment is bad. So now, I'm sitting with the feeling that I'm bad and she's good. Maybe I'm being too sensitive, but this is also something that scares me when it comes to the possibility of going back. Is she always going to think she's the expert?
And can I really trust her to say what she thinks? I felt like our last phone call was a dump on Jammer event. But, with the exception of the AD issue, they were things she'd never talked to me about. It's like they were building up for her and she let it get too big and then it exploded all over me. I couldn't come back because if I did, she'd feel like she was enabling me to not get well(not her exact words, but I'm pretty sure that's what she meant). I couldn't come back because I was ambivalent about therapy. I couldn't come back because I wouldn't take AD's. So even if I HAD agreed to take the AD's, the other issues would still have been there. Plus, when I saw her, she suggested getting them from my general practitioner, but when she terminated me, she suddenly insisted that I MUST get them from a pdoc. I don't understand where everything changed so much.
And she talked in euphemisms a lot there at the end, so I don't really know what exactly she expects and I'm concerned confusion could be created in the future. She said, to get better I might have to do things that made me "uncomfortable." Well, at that point, anything that required getting out of bed was uncomfortable. So, I took some time and started getting out of bed, showering and getting out of the house a little, but that wasn't enough for her. I had to work hard to pin her down on the AD's and it didn't seem to me like she wanted to be pinned down. But, my goodness, is it too much to ask to want to know exactly what she expected?? So this "if you ever find yourself in a different place," thing... I don't know what the h*ll that means.
I've been listening a lot to her Christmas message lately and mostly it just makes me sad. The voice is just not the same - not the warm, gentle one I got as her patient. I've moved to the outer circles of her life and I want to be back in the more inner ones. I think I find it so painful because I can't remember at all what she looks like - not her face, at least. I could barely hang onto her face between sessions, so now that I haven't seen her for a year, it's completely gone. But her voice....that I had always been able to keep with me. And now I don't get it anymore. I'm a nobody.
Posted by fairywings on January 17, 2006, at 23:03:09
In reply to Re: Just a broken record here » fairywings, posted by jammerlich on January 17, 2006, at 17:33:00
I'm not sure why you couldn't make an appt. Why would you have to have her make the contact and tell you it's okay to make an appt? I know it's so hard to feel so vulnerable, it doesn't feel very good. I know you'll make the right decision for you though. I hope you feel good about whatever you decide to do.
fw
Posted by Anneke on January 18, 2006, at 0:03:50
In reply to Re: More Ramblings, posted by jammerlich on January 17, 2006, at 22:46:22
I've done the google thing too....I think a lot of people have....
I wish I could know exactly what to say and how to make it better, but (I feel like I'm channeling my own therapist here...) I guess only you really know what will help. And, that's one thing that I truly do believe...that inside each of us, deep, deep down, sometimes....we really know what it is we want and need. And, the challenge is getting the rest of ourself to believe it and go after it. But it's so damn scary. Too many what ifs and potential pitfalls and what not. I think I know some of what your feeling.....I have absolutely no doubt that I would be curled up in bed crying my eyes out if I felt like I had "lost" my therapist's voice.
I'm tired but can't sleep....going over some of my own session from today in my mind....but I'm going to go back to bed and try again. Hang in there and babblemail me if you still want...I'll listen to whatever ramblings you want to send my way... and you'd be my first babble mail ever!
Anneke
Posted by jammerlich on January 19, 2006, at 20:53:13
In reply to Re: More Ramblings, posted by Anneke on January 18, 2006, at 0:03:50
Sometimes I think I am damaged beyond repair.
And will this aching for her EVER end? I can't tell that it's improved at all and I think that after a year, surely I should feel at least a little better. Does that mean that something's wrong with ME? It must. Surely it isn't normal to hurt this badly for this long. I think I must be a very weak and pathetic person.
I want to annihilate this needy, miserable child who seems to have taken over. I wish someone would tell me how. I hate her.
Posted by Anneke on January 20, 2006, at 9:37:54
In reply to Feeling broken, posted by jammerlich on January 19, 2006, at 20:53:13
((Jammer))
You are not weak or pathetic or any of those other shaming statements that I suspect are swirling around your head right now. You are a caring human being who is still mourning a significant loss because you haven't had a chance to process it with someone....you've had to keep it all inside of you. And, I suspect, there are more feelings that are being kept locked up inside you too that have everything and nothing to do with your therapist.
Unfortunately this needy miserable child needs exactly what you feel least like giving her....space to feel her feelings. Can you let her write it out or draw it out or something? I KNOW it feels horribly icky. Wish I could do more...but know you're not bad for feeling this way. Is there any way you could call your ex-T and make an appointment?
Anneke
Posted by fairywings on January 22, 2006, at 23:08:40
In reply to Feeling broken, posted by jammerlich on January 19, 2006, at 20:53:13
(((jammerlich)))
I'm sorry you're hurting so badly, but please don't think that makes you pathetic. Your timeline doesn't have a set schedule. What does your T say about how you're doing? I'm sad for you.
Maybe it would help if you could somehow love the child bec. she is part of you. I don't know how to do that bec. no one's ever told me, so I can't offer any words of wisdom. I know it's hard bec. inside it hurts so bad, and maybe you feel that if you could only make the hurt part go away it seems everything would be okay, but then part of you would be lost instead of healed.
fw
Posted by fairywings on January 22, 2006, at 23:10:51
In reply to Re: Feeling broken, posted by fairywings on January 22, 2006, at 23:08:40
I'm sorry I remember now that you weren't in therapy right now. I think, like anneke said, doing some inner child work might be helpful.
fw
Posted by antigua on January 23, 2006, at 7:20:52
In reply to Re: Feeling broken, posted by fairywings on January 22, 2006, at 23:08:40
Hi, here's an idea or two to love that little girl inside.
Sometimes I pick up her and just hug her as close as can be. Usually, I take her to the bathroom first and give her a wonderfully warm, safe bath and put clean flannel jammies on her. I paint her room yellow, so it's not a scary place and I have beautiful new sheets on the bed. I read to her and tuck her in, and either leave the light on or stay with her until she falls asleep.
With the older girl I'll take her for a walk and buy her an ice cream and I'll listen to what she has to say. I'll sit really close to her and hug her if she'll let me.
The angry girl, I still can't get close to, but she's watching me with the others and I figure I'll persuade her to come closer soon.
Mostly I provide comfort to the little girls. That's what they need most. They didn't do anything wrong, and they just need love.
this is just what I do, but thought I'd share.
antigua
Posted by littleone on January 23, 2006, at 14:39:24
In reply to Re: Feeling broken » fairywings, posted by antigua on January 23, 2006, at 7:20:52
This was so touching. My very first thought was "will you be my mummy?"
How do you actually do these things? Do you sit down and visualise doing these things, or do you just imagine them as you're going about your day, or do you verbally talk your younger parts through them, or do you do them symbolically somehow, or something else altogether?
I never could have come up with your ideas. Those things are so foreign to me. Thank you for sharing.
Posted by antigua on January 23, 2006, at 17:13:10
In reply to Re: Loving the little girl » antigua, posted by littleone on January 23, 2006, at 14:39:24
Well, if I'm having a bad day, I might go lie down and work through comforting them, actually telling the littlest girl that she will be o.k., etc. It's all visualization, but the conversations are more vocal. This sounds silly, but I have stuffed bear my daughter gaveme for Christmas that I can use to pretend it's the girls. (o.k., so I'm really just a kid...)
Otherwise, the comforting stays with me all the time, and I pull it out when I need it.
antigua
Posted by littleone on January 23, 2006, at 20:34:32
In reply to Re: Loving the little girl, posted by antigua on January 23, 2006, at 17:13:10
Thanks for explaining. It doesn't sound silly at all. It sounds like it helps you a lot. I'm glad you've learnt to nurture yourself.
Sorry for hijacking the thread.
Posted by jammerlich on January 24, 2006, at 17:53:27
In reply to Re: Loving the little girl » antigua, posted by littleone on January 23, 2006, at 20:34:32
That's what I want to say - STOP telling me to be nice to the stupid little girl. But I don't really mean it, I don't think. I'll read anything you write for me. It just doesn't happen to be what I want to hear.
I'm pretty sure the hatred goes both ways, though. She sees the nice things you all do for your little girls and wonders why in the world she got stuck with ME.
I wonder who while annihilate whom? I don't even care. I just hope it happens soon.
Posted by muffled on January 24, 2006, at 19:32:01
In reply to Re: STOP everyone, posted by jammerlich on January 24, 2006, at 17:53:27
> That's what I want to say - STOP telling me to be nice to the stupid little girl. But I don't really mean it, I don't think. I'll read anything you write for me. It just doesn't happen to be what I want to hear.
>
> I'm pretty sure the hatred goes both ways, though. She sees the nice things you all do for your little girls and wonders why in the world she got stuck with ME.
>
> I wonder who while annihilate whom? I don't even care. I just hope it happens soon.Well if its any consolation I fight with my kid. i told her she not allowed to get attached to T. and she had a hissy and we not getting along. Doesn't feel good. She just a kid I guess. Thats what I got try and remember.
Crazy.
Take care,
Muffled
Posted by Anneke on January 24, 2006, at 19:36:53
In reply to Re: STOP everyone, posted by jammerlich on January 24, 2006, at 17:53:27
Jammer---
Sometimes the dialogue between you and the little girl in you can get ugly, I think. I remember the first time my T asked me to talk to her, my first reaction was "Go away...I don't want you." And, that made me realize how hurt both of us were...because in essence, that's what I was telling myself. And, the first time I tried writing back and forth between my adult and child, my child wrote..."I hate you!" But, it was a start....at least we were talking.
Have you read "Reclaiming and Championing Your Inner Child" It lays out stuff you can do on your own, although I really think it's best if you can find a therapist to work through it with you....it can bring up a lot of crap and feelings. Or google Inner Child and see what you come up with. It does feel strange at first, at least it did to me.
Don't feel bad about hating your inner child...tantruming kids can be really hard to love. Maybe just start by tolerating her??
Anneke
Posted by fairywings on January 24, 2006, at 21:46:19
In reply to Re: STOP everyone, posted by jammerlich on January 24, 2006, at 17:53:27
Hi Jammerlich,
I found a way around this that worked for me. I had an adult (in my head) take care of her. He's really good with her, and I really like him, so it works.
fw
Posted by antigua on January 25, 2006, at 9:37:30
In reply to Re: STOP everyone, posted by jammerlich on January 24, 2006, at 17:53:27
I hated my wounded child and just wanted her to die for the longest time. I thought she had to die in order for me to get better. Somewhere along the line it just changed. This may never happen for you, but just know that I felt that way too.
take care,
antigua
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