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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 10 of 10. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by happyflower on January 21, 2006, at 9:23:50
I want to talk about this "fate" thing, I need to talk about it. But I feel my T is being totally closed minded about it. I kinda of found this out months ago, and it kept me from talking about my "fate" feelings with him.
I feel like I want to push him, because I want to talk about it. How do I go about this? I don't need him to agree with me, or validate what I am feeling, but I need him to listen to me no matter how silly he thinks what I am saying is.
It is so weird, because normally he is so open minded about most things. Do I need to get another T to work out these feelings because my T wants to avoid it? Is it because it has to do with him, and he doesn't want to encourage feeling for him and talking about this will? What can I do or say?
Posted by happyflower on January 21, 2006, at 9:36:18
In reply to How do you push your T to talk about something?, posted by happyflower on January 21, 2006, at 9:23:50
I think it will be better for me to talk about this while it is fresh on my mind, and after I opened up the can of worms already. I hope he has an opening for me. I did tell him to call me back, that little jerk. lol
Posted by fairywings on January 21, 2006, at 9:38:58
In reply to How do you push your T to talk about something?, posted by happyflower on January 21, 2006, at 9:23:50
Caroline Myss is big into destiny, and life being lived according to a plan. She has a lot of CDs you can get from the library. Like maybe "Sacred Contracts". I think it's a Jungian theory.
fw
Posted by happyflower on January 21, 2006, at 9:39:57
In reply to Re: How do you push your T to talk about something? » happyflower, posted by fairywings on January 21, 2006, at 9:38:58
Posted by Tabitha on January 21, 2006, at 10:46:24
In reply to How do you push your T to talk about something?, posted by happyflower on January 21, 2006, at 9:23:50
Just tell him you need him to listen, and it's important for you to talk about it even if he doesn't agree. Maybe you'll get more understanding of why it's important, and what you're wanting from him.
With my T I've learned that even when she doesn't agree or really understand some of my ideas, she can at least understand what it means *to me*, and that feels good enough. It also sort of helps me since she's modeling for me a healthy way to respond to differences of beliefs. She doesn't argue or try to convince me, or adopt my belief to please me. I can try to learn from her example how to respond when other people have beliefs I don't share.
Posted by happyflower on January 21, 2006, at 11:38:55
In reply to Re: How do you push your T to talk about something? » happyflower, posted by Tabitha on January 21, 2006, at 10:46:24
I think we should be able to talk about this no matter what his views are about it. I just feel he is like, "well you are not going to ever convince me that fate is real", so shut up and forget about it. I have never encountered such strong beliefs from him, but what is bad is that he is closed minded to even talking about it.
I don't know what I believe, but I want to discuss it anyways.
I am not looking for any validation from him, I am not trying to convince him of something, and I don't need him to believe me. But what I do need is him to explore this with me. I was feeling good about all the coincedenses, it made me happy to connect in this way, but his pig headedness is making it all yucky for me.
It is just weird that he is being so narrow minded about this, and closed for discussion. Why do you all think he is being so stubborn? Any ideas?
He has even on said before that we have a lot in common. Why is he now trying to down playing all of it? Is there something going on with him that I am not aware of? It is so frusterating to me.
Posted by JenStar on January 21, 2006, at 16:04:23
In reply to Re: How do you push your T to talk about something? » Tabitha, posted by happyflower on January 21, 2006, at 11:38:55
hi happyflower,
I think it would be good to talk about it with him, just to understand again the limitations on the relationship, and what you can/cannot get from it with him. Hoepfully he can respect how you feel, even if he does not reciprocate it, and hopefully he can help you develop some strategies to deal with the feelings and use the insights to make emotional progress.I know it must be frustrating to feel such a connection to him, but then to hear that he doesn't share that same special feeling with you. I'm sorry. Regardless of who the person is, it DOES really hurt when tender feelings are not given back. I'm sorry you're experiencing that. :( I hate that feeling.
He admitted in the past that you both have a lot in common, but that's not the same thing as feeling a strong fateful bond and connection to another person. Maybe he's trying to be firm about it so he doesn't give you any false hopes or misleading actions?
But I definitely agree that you should both talk about it and figure out what is going on on both of your ends. I hope he can be honest with you. And hopefully, even though this is painful now, it will lead to good insights and developments for you.
take care and good luck with this. :)
JenStar
Posted by happyflower on January 21, 2006, at 18:03:08
In reply to Re: How do you push your T to talk about something? » happyflower, posted by JenStar on January 21, 2006, at 16:04:23
Is it worth to butt heads with someone who won't even budge or even want to talk about this? Am I just wasting my time.
I don't want to do this to convince him I am his soul mate. But I want to talk about what all coincedenses mean, if anything. I have had this feeling before with 2 others in my life, and I want to know what it means before he dies or something. I just don't if I can let it go. I feel like I need to talk about it, I just don't know if I am just barking up the wrong tree.
I am not expecting a relationship with him, he made that point completely clear with me. I just don't know what to do.
Posted by fairywings on January 21, 2006, at 22:11:12
In reply to Now I am thinking I should just forget about it, posted by happyflower on January 21, 2006, at 18:03:08
You're paying him hf, you should be able to talk about whatever's on your mind, esp. if you are comfortable with it. Should his discomfort even be evident? Maybe just tell him it's your dime, and to put his bullheadedness aside and let you talk. He doesn't have to agree, I'm not even sure he should even reveal how he feels about it, but I know it doesn't always work that way.
fw
Posted by happyflower on January 22, 2006, at 10:40:58
In reply to Re: Now I am thinking I should just forget about it » happyflower, posted by fairywings on January 21, 2006, at 22:11:12
Well okay I am talking to my workout buddy Charlie and then jogs by my T .(the first time I saw him ) And Charlie (who doesn't know he is my T )yells out to him are you sure you are okay? Well it turns out that my Charlie was there the day my T was having some heart problems (one of the few days I have missed), and he asked him if he needed help. Now my T knows Charlie's wife, because she used to work with my T. Then Charlie proceeds to tell me the story about my T while my T is jogging circles around us. Now that was kinda funny but weird. (I can't imagine what my T must be thinking knowing Charlie is talking about him to me) LOL Well I had to confess that that little jerk was my T! LOL He didn't even know he was a therapist or that he knew his wife. LOL I still think I need to squirt him with my water bottle, that little jerk! lol
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