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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 19 of 19. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Dinah on December 23, 2005, at 21:38:46
He seems to be more present in our sessions. Which is the most important thing.
Mind, it's only been two sessions, but I feel a bit more hopeful that there's some way to work this out if we end up somewhere near each other geographically. Even if it's three hours away.
Maybe I'll feel completely differently after next time, but I'll enjoy this feeling for at least a bit. :)
Posted by sleepygirl on December 23, 2005, at 23:10:23
In reply to The ritual seems to be working, posted by Dinah on December 23, 2005, at 21:38:46
Posted by sleepygirl on December 23, 2005, at 23:13:43
In reply to The ritual seems to be working, posted by Dinah on December 23, 2005, at 21:38:46
it's nice to hear it's working, but it's left me intensely curious...in case you don't want to share, do you have any advice for a sleepygirl who's not too connected these days?
Posted by annierose on December 24, 2005, at 7:48:36
In reply to The ritual seems to be working, posted by Dinah on December 23, 2005, at 21:38:46
I'm so happy to hear this, especially right before the holiday mayhem is upon us. Soak up all the support you can get, take deep breaths, and onward.
Are you able to see him between Christmas and New Year's?
This is good news Dinah!! Even though you may not be able to feel his connection sometimes, know that in your heart, it's always been there, maybe buried under some layers of stress.
Good Luck with your dinner tonight. I set the table, cooked ahead what I could, and now I'm saddly off to work, to come home and work at home, then tuck the kids into bed and play Santa. My little one still believes; makes it all worthwhile. Does your son still believe?
Posted by Poet on December 24, 2005, at 10:07:28
In reply to The ritual seems to be working, posted by Dinah on December 23, 2005, at 21:38:46
Hi Dinah,
Keep enjoying the feeling and I hope it lasts far into the new year.
Poet
Posted by fallsfall on December 24, 2005, at 10:54:03
In reply to The ritual seems to be working, posted by Dinah on December 23, 2005, at 21:38:46
I'm glad to hear this. I hope the connection helps you get through the holiday.
(((Dinah)))
Posted by Dinah on December 24, 2005, at 11:25:11
In reply to oops! should've been a message there :-o » Dinah, posted by sleepygirl on December 23, 2005, at 23:13:43
Well, it was more for him to be fully present than for me. But I would guess it would work both ways. We have three minutes of silence at the beginning of the session, well really before the session, then "empty ourselves" of the things that might be standing in the way of a genuine connection.
Posted by Dinah on December 24, 2005, at 11:31:28
In reply to Re: The ritual seems to be working » Dinah, posted by annierose on December 24, 2005, at 7:48:36
I see him Monday, then the following Monday. He's going on a vacation Tues thru Fri. I'm glad. He needs a vacation.
My son still believes, or else he's too smart to want to give up Santa goodies for the sake of mere accuracy. It's going to be very sad when we lose that. :(
I'm sorry you have to work today. :( I do too, but at least from home. We have no particular plans for tonight. It's the night we usually went to my husband's family. And all of them are gone now. Perhaps we should have Christmas breakfast tonight instead, because it really is too heavy to have before all that roast beast and yorkshire pudding.
And my uncle declined politely for tomorrow. I'm truly sorry to say he's sick. Which is not, of course, the way I wanted to get out of a stressful guest situation.
Posted by Dinah on December 24, 2005, at 11:34:01
In reply to Re: The ritual seems to be working » Dinah, posted by Poet on December 24, 2005, at 10:07:28
It's gone already. I was up half the night feeling unwell physically, but managed to work in emotional distress as well, by convincing myself that the only help I can give this man that I genuinely care about is to stop seeing him and take one burden from him.
But I suspect he needs my fee, so I'm not sure. Maybe I should ask?
Posted by Dinah on December 24, 2005, at 11:36:23
In reply to Re: The ritual seems to be working » Dinah, posted by fallsfall on December 24, 2005, at 10:54:03
I'm glad I'm seeing him Monday. It feels like I left way too much unsaid.
Posted by Dinah on December 24, 2005, at 13:18:38
In reply to Re: The ritual seems to be working » Poet, posted by Dinah on December 24, 2005, at 11:34:01
Late night speculations rarely make much sense.
Posted by annierose on December 24, 2005, at 16:30:33
In reply to Never mind, posted by Dinah on December 24, 2005, at 13:18:38
You are going through such a rough patch. It's not about him, it's about you. Try to focus how you are feeling without worrying about him and his needs (financial or otherwise). He is human. He has his faults, but he has been and will continue to be a wonderful therapist for you.
I worry that you worry too much about him.
Besides being a year of such loss for you in all areas of your life, it's also Christmas and all it's stresses. Deep breath again. It's almost over.
My guests are due in 30 minutes, time to pull the house and last minute details together. But I have to say, everything "looks" beautiful on the outside ...
Posted by Dinah on December 24, 2005, at 20:00:47
In reply to Re: Never mind » Dinah, posted by annierose on December 24, 2005, at 16:30:33
I'm sure it's beautiful all the way through!
I know I worry too much. In fact, I even feel guilty about it, because I know it's stepping over that therapy boundary that it is intrusive of me to step over. But, well... What would I have learned about relationships and caring over ten years of therapy if I *didn't* worry about someone who's been so important in my life when they're having rough times?
I try to toe the line, at least in person. :)
I'm sure your party will be wonderful. Have a terrific Christmas Eve and a very Merry Christmas.
Posted by Tamar on December 24, 2005, at 21:38:19
In reply to Re: Never mind » annierose, posted by Dinah on December 24, 2005, at 20:00:47
Hey Dinah,
Sorry, I haven’t read the whole thread… But…
> I know I worry too much. In fact, I even feel guilty about it, because I know it's stepping over that therapy boundary that it is intrusive of me to step over.
No! no! (IMHO) It’s not intrusive and you’re not stepping over any boundaries. It’s natural, and particularly in the present circumstances you’re very aware of his feelings. You are allowed to worry about him. But he’s not really allowed to let you worry too much… which is why you should probably tell him when you’re worrying…
> But, well... What would I have learned about relationships and caring over ten years of therapy if I *didn't* worry about someone who's been so important in my life when they're having rough times?
Exactly. You are a compassionate and loving person. Of course you worry about him. Honestly, it would be strange if you didn’t worry about him at least a little bit.
> I try to toe the line, at least in person. :)
Och, toeing the line is over-rated. You are allowed to tell him you’re worried. And then it’s his job to ask you how much of that worry is about him and how much of it is about yourself… And like most things, it’s probably a bit of both… And it’s his job to own the parts he can own and explore with you the parts that can be explored…
Have a wonderful Christmas, Dinah!
Love,
Tamar
Posted by Dinah on December 25, 2005, at 12:01:26
In reply to Re: Never mind » Dinah, posted by Tamar on December 24, 2005, at 21:38:19
I like that balance, Tamar. Yeah, I should talk to him about it. I guess the downside to talking about it is that he might shut himself off again, put himself in professional mode again, and basically not be "present" in the moment. I think if I want him really there, and I do, I have to take the less cheerful aspects of him too. I'll have to think of a way to talk about my concern without making him feel like he can't be present with me, warts and all. Because it really felt like therapy was actually harming me when he was just phoning it in, so to speak. I was really ready to quit, seriously, for the first time in I don't know how long. It's his presence that is healing.
I've been reading a book "The Lord is My Shepherd" by Harold Kushner. And there are several things in there that remind me of therapy, but mostly when he says that God doesn't promise that no evil will touch you, he promises that you don't have to fear it because he is present with you. That's how I feel about therapy. He doesn't have to be at his best, or give brilliant interpretations, or challenge me with skill. He doesn't have to make it all better. It just feels better to have someone completely there with you. I hope it's not sacriligious to make the comparison... Although the book does mention that people can be with someone too, even if they can't make things better, and that somehow makes things better.
Isch. I don't know. I guess I'm even more afraid of being alone in therapy than I am worried about him. :( Awful of me?
Posted by Dinah on December 25, 2005, at 15:50:22
In reply to Re: Never mind » Tamar, posted by Dinah on December 25, 2005, at 12:01:26
This started out as a positive thread. It probably says more about me than him that it turned negative.
Admittedly I'm braced right now for terrible things to happen. And that may not be altogether fair.
My husband and I are getting along well. My therapist says that this is just an ebb in the therapeutic relationship and that he expects that it will end sooner or later. I'm way behind at work, but so far no one's complaining because everyone else is so far behind and so busy. Altogether things could be worse. I've got a job, a home, a family. That's more than a lot of people can say.
I should quit with the fussing already.
Posted by Susan47 on December 25, 2005, at 15:58:10
In reply to Ugh., posted by Dinah on December 25, 2005, at 15:50:22
Posted by annierose on December 25, 2005, at 21:57:28
In reply to Ugh., posted by Dinah on December 25, 2005, at 15:50:22
The positive message I read in this thread was that you are still very much connected with your therapist, you are getting along better with your husband (maybe the sex therapist has helped there??) and you are getting through each day the best you can. That's all good Dinah. Very good.
I hope your dinner turned out yummy. I hosted dinner last night for my parents, my recently divorced brother and a close friend. I think it went very well. I'm coming to realize that my mother just doesn't have it in to her to be expressive, loving mother; it's her limitation as a human being, a product of where she came from.
Posted by Dinah on December 26, 2005, at 14:14:30
In reply to Re: Ugh. » Dinah, posted by annierose on December 25, 2005, at 21:57:28
I'm glad it went well. :) Not that I'm surprised.
I think one of the hardest but most liberating things to do is to recognize a parent's limitations and stop expecting more from them. Therapy was very helpful with me for that. I hope you're able to get that peace with your mom.
I'm glad I had therapy today. I was able to air some of my concerns, and get somewhat reassuring answers. And no, he doesn't want me to quit. Maybe I can quit trying quite so hard to be "good" in therapy and not trouble him any. No, probably not. Grin.
So now I can go back to worrying about work, as I should be. :)
This is the end of the thread.
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