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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 19 of 19. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by gardenergirl on November 13, 2005, at 20:10:15
Hi,
My T told me last week that the clinic is getting so busy there is a wait list, and so I have to cut back to once per week. This is something I knew could happen, but I haven't thought about it in ages.I've really really benefitted from going twice a week. I think it leads me to work deeper, and I feel like I'm progressing faster. Recently, however, I've wondered myself if it's time to cut back to once a week. I could not decide if that was because I felt I was doing better and wanted to think about tapering to termination (a long process) or if I was actually trying to avoid something in therapy. Perhaps something therapy relationship oriented?
At any rate, the decision has been taken out of my hands. He reassure me that it was only an administrative decision, NOT a clinical one. I told him I wasn't devastated. Hmm, interesting way to put it.
I'm not devastated. But I am a bit worried about how therapy will change. It seemed SO MUCH SLOWER at once a week. I'm afraid it will become less meaningful. I suppose I'm afraid I'll become less meaningful to him. (not so secret wish to be favorite client!)
I don't know how this will feel, and that is making me anxious. Anyone have any experience or thoughts to share?
Thanks,
gg
Posted by orchid on November 13, 2005, at 21:39:56
In reply to Cutting down from 2times a week to once??, posted by gardenergirl on November 13, 2005, at 20:10:15
Hi GG,
Once a week would definitely make things slower. Is this a temporary cut down or permanent?
But perhaps reducing it might also give you an oppurtunity to gain some independance if you know you are moving towards termination in the nearby time.
Also, something which you could possibly do is to substitute this board for the cut back in your therapy. It might help you to cope up with the cut back and might keep the intensity at the same level. Most of my therapy I did through this board.
Posted by fallsfall on November 13, 2005, at 22:24:50
In reply to Cutting down from 2times a week to once??, posted by gardenergirl on November 13, 2005, at 20:10:15
Hmmmm. You are handling this so much better than I would. As I was reading your post I was trying to see how you could finagle things so that you could still see him twice a week. But I'm feeling a bit dependent and needy these days myself, so I bet I'm projecting a bit.
It WILL be different. I think you need to set your expectations carefully so this isn't a big disappointment.
We'll be here, but we aren't therapy. But we'll say that we love you! He won't do that.
Love you!
Falls.
Posted by gardenergirl on November 13, 2005, at 22:28:57
In reply to Re: Cutting down from 2times a week to once?? » gardenergirl, posted by orchid on November 13, 2005, at 21:39:56
That's a very good idea. Maybe I'll take the hour I would be in therapy later in the week and post. I miss posting like I used to.
Thanks for the support and the idea. I'm glad you found Babble to be helpful. It's a great place. :)
gg
Posted by daisym on November 13, 2005, at 22:29:47
In reply to Cutting down from 2times a week to once??, posted by gardenergirl on November 13, 2005, at 20:10:15
Going from twice to once per week will definitely feel different. I think it will be tempting to use the time to catch him up on the details of your life -- and not focus as intently on the issues. If it were me, I'd want to plan the sessions in detail, which would also probably not work. I think it might just take a little practice to settle in quickly and just see where things go.
I'm sorry you have to cut back right when things where really working. I know you do have to think about termination this spring but still... Deciding if you were avoiding something or if you were actually moving towards readiness seems awfully important. I hope you sort it out soon.
Posted by gardenergirl on November 13, 2005, at 22:30:17
In reply to Re: Cutting down from 2times a week to once?? » gardenergirl, posted by fallsfall on November 13, 2005, at 22:24:50
Hi,
I briefly thought of trying to finagle, too. But I do understand the wait list issue, and he did warn me about when I first went to twice a week. But still...bah.And wow, there's such power in hearing someone say they love you. Thank you for that from the bottom of my heart.
(((falls)))
Love you too.
gg
Posted by Augustina on November 14, 2005, at 10:27:22
In reply to Cutting down from 2times a week to once??, posted by gardenergirl on November 13, 2005, at 20:10:15
Hi GG,
it sounds like you are going through a tough time. I think going from 2x/week to 1x/week will not make you "less meaninful" to your T at all. You will still be YOU and the relationship you've built w/your T is still there, intact and special. I really hope the transition will be a smooth one for you, emotionally speaking. Hang in there!
Posted by Dinah on November 14, 2005, at 10:57:21
In reply to Cutting down from 2times a week to once??, posted by gardenergirl on November 13, 2005, at 20:10:15
How fortuitous that you were already considering it before it came up!
It certainly is different. Absolutely, positively different. (See my post below.)
But maybe you're ready for this difference?
(I don't think it will mean you're less important. I think once you've been a twice a week therapist and had that intensity, that the intimacy will always be there in the background.)
Posted by happyflower on November 14, 2005, at 12:07:23
In reply to Re: Cutting down from 2times a week to once?? » gardenergirl, posted by Dinah on November 14, 2005, at 10:57:21
Recently when I went from every 2 weeks to once a month, it was the hardest after the 1st two weeks , then got harder yet until I finally saw him again. Now I am at my 1 1/2 week point, and I don't feel so bad this time. Maybe it gets easier, I don't know, maybe we could go through it together.
I do feel the intensity changes though. I remember going weekly then going every other week. It seems like I had too much to talk about for just every 2 weeks.
But now I feel I don't have much to talk about other than social stuff, and just having a sounding board for my new activities. Good Luck!
I am must say it is really nice to have you around here, to see how it is on the other side. Do you think you going through therapy is helping you be a better T? :)
Posted by Shortelise on November 14, 2005, at 13:27:03
In reply to Cutting down from 2times a week to once??, posted by gardenergirl on November 13, 2005, at 20:10:15
Is it not always a question of what is best for the client?If you were in *need* of therapy twice a week, would it not continue to be so?
If your therapist has deemed that you no longer need to see him twice a week, why is it not being discussed in those terms?
Of course, if you were seeing him twice a week with an understanding that it was temporary, and done at your T's convenience in accordance with your temporary needs, then maybe that's different.
But to go from twice to once a week is big. It can easily represent the slow move toward termination, and that could certainly provoke (for me, obviously) a case of the heebie jeebies.
So, here's a ShortE reality check: YIKES!
ShortE
Posted by happyflower on November 16, 2005, at 12:27:09
In reply to Re: Cutting down from 2times a week to once?? » gardenergirl, posted by Shortelise on November 14, 2005, at 13:27:03
Posted by gardenergirl on November 17, 2005, at 7:42:36
In reply to Re: Cutting down from 2times a week to once?? » gardenergirl, posted by Augustina on November 14, 2005, at 10:27:22
Thanks, Augustina. Your words are comforting.
gg
Posted by gardenergirl on November 17, 2005, at 7:43:42
In reply to Re: Cutting down from 2times a week to once?? » gardenergirl, posted by Dinah on November 14, 2005, at 10:57:21
Thanks for reassuring me, Dinah. I think you're right...when the relationship is well-established, it can weather changes. Not entirely smoothly, perhaps, but we'll get by. Both of us.
Thanks.
gg
Posted by gardenergirl on November 17, 2005, at 7:49:23
In reply to Re: Cutting down from 2times a week to once??, posted by happyflower on November 14, 2005, at 12:07:23
> Recently when I went from every 2 weeks to once a month, it was the hardest after the 1st two weeks , then got harder yet until I finally saw him again. Now I am at my 1 1/2 week point, and I don't feel so bad this time. Maybe it gets easier, I don't know, maybe we could go through it together.
I remember how hard that was for you. I'm glad it's getting easier.
> I do feel the intensity changes though. I remember going weekly then going every other week. It seems like I had too much to talk about for just every 2 weeks.
I can see how that can happen. I feel like for my next appt. I have a lot to talk about that picks up right where we left off last time, so I feel pretty confident that I can jump right back in. But not that much new has happened in my world. Mostly in my head and heart. :) If there's a lot of stuff to tell, in order to get perspective on what you want to talk about, I can see how that would use up a lot of the time.
> But now I feel I don't have much to talk about other than social stuff, and just having a sounding board for my new activities. Good Luck!
Sounds like you have done well in therapy. Are you moving towards termination, do you think?
> I am must say it is really nice to have you around here, to see how it is on the other side. Do you think you going through therapy is helping you be a better T? :)
Thanks, sweetie. I definitely think it helps me to be a better T (still in training). It's definitely a good thing to experience how draining it can be, and how I think about therapy between sessions and at odd times of the day. Because clients don't often talk about this stuff, so it's good to know it might be there.
Still, I have to be careful, though, that I don't "see" in someone else similar issues that I am struggling with. I have to be careful to avoid identifying too much with my clients' struggles, so that I can be sure I'm hearing their stuff and not projecting mine. Sometimes when mine seem very front-burner, that gets harder.
Thanks for asking.
gg
Posted by gardenergirl on November 17, 2005, at 7:56:54
In reply to Re: Cutting down from 2times a week to once?? » gardenergirl, posted by Shortelise on November 14, 2005, at 13:27:03
>
> Is it not always a question of what is best for the client?
>
> If you were in *need* of therapy twice a week, would it not continue to be so?Well, I do think that clinically, twice a week has been a very good decision. I don't know that I would say I "needed" it, but it definitely helped the process develop faster. Although maybe I did need it in order to get to a deeper place. ??
>
> If your therapist has deemed that you no longer need to see him twice a week, why is it not being discussed in those terms?He made a point to tell me that this was not a clinical decision. It's not about what's best for me, but rather it's entirely due to the clinic's needs. And considering I go for free, I can understand that they have a duty and mission to serve other students in need. It doesn't seem "fair" (ewww, I hate that word!) if I get to go twice a week and someone else has to wait. I totally get that. But it still stinks.
>
>
> But to go from twice to once a week is big. It can easily represent the slow move toward termination, and that could certainly provoke (for me, obviously) a case of the heebie jeebies.Yeah, this isn't really about termination. I had been thinking maybe I was "ready" to go to once a week, but I also think maybe I was avoiding something. It's interesting that I tend to "run away" or feel like it, anyway, whenever we have one of those caring and golden moments.
>Thanks,
gg
Posted by gardenergirl on November 17, 2005, at 8:05:41
In reply to How are you doing gardengirl? I hope ok (nm), posted by happyflower on November 16, 2005, at 12:27:09
My session this week was not that great. I felt very un-validated and very challenged by him. I suppose I was a bit primed to feel that way from an earlier conversation, but still. It was frustrating. The younger part of me feels like everyone is saying what happened with my hubby was "my fault" and/or that I shouldn't be feeling as hurt and angry as I did and still am to some extent.
So moving right into trying to understand my hubby's point of view feels like taking sides. I didn't quite feel scolded, but when I left, I just burst into sobs. It was very unexpected and confusing. I suppose it was a reaction to leaving, knowing I wasn't going to "get" to come back for a week. And I was feeling very "unfed" was far as the nurturing and caring I often feel from therapy. So I was going away "hungry", and I couldn't come back to the table for a week.
I think I felt a bit like I had been a "bad girl". Some of that comes from my husband, who's position is that his reaction was "my fault" because I didn't keep my end of a very stupid and damaging bargain. (bah, that's a huge story!). So I feel like I'm hearing this from all sides, even though I know it's not exactly what people are saying.
I guess I'm just not all that ready to be compassionate and analyzing of what happened from his perspective, when I'm still trying to deal with my own emotions and reactions and what they mean to me. I guess he didn't get that. :(
And of course I am capable of understanding at least to some extent, what's going on with my husband, and I do feel compassion for him. I do want to understand and improve things. So it's complicated and conflicted. But like other times, I feel a lot like, "But what about me?"
I hate that feeling. It's old and ugly.
Hope you're not sorry you asked. :(
I appreciate knowing you care.
gg
Posted by happyflower on November 17, 2005, at 9:38:49
In reply to Re: How are you doing ---Not so good :( » happyflower, posted by gardenergirl on November 17, 2005, at 8:05:41
I am not sorry I asked, I was wondering about you. I know what you mean about wanting your T to validate what you are thinking and your feelings. Sometime I just want someone to listen and support me, not tell me what I did was wrong. Why can't they read our minds, darn it. LOL
One time my T was doing the same thing, and he caught himself and said I don't know why I am taking your DH side, when I haven't even talked to him or met him. Then he became a little more supportive and listened to me better.Then it sure doesn't help when you have deal with all those feelings until your next session. A week can seem like ages when you are in the middle of something. But sometime it is a good thing because it teaches you that you can manage on your own, and when the next appointment comes around, you don't need to talk about it because you dealt with it. But it is still hard I think.
Marriage is hard, I am learning.
Your not a bad girl, I am sure you know that! If you want I will take your side! :)
Posted by ClearSkies on November 17, 2005, at 14:51:06
In reply to Re: How are you doing ---Not so good :( » happyflower, posted by gardenergirl on November 17, 2005, at 8:05:41
GG, I'm sorry you are having a difficult time right now.
(((gardenergirl)))
ClearSkies
Posted by annierose on November 18, 2005, at 16:00:56
In reply to Re: How are you doing ---Not so good :( » happyflower, posted by gardenergirl on November 17, 2005, at 8:05:41
Hi GG -
I replied earlier but hit some key that wiped out my reply and I was too darn lazy to re-type!Anyway, how are you feeling today? I know that going from 2x per week to 1x is difficult. When I added another weekly session my T warned me that once I started this frequency, it is terribly hard to reduce sessions. Your T knows it will be hard on you. Since your relationship has experienced that level of intimacy, it should be helpful to kept working at it.
Disagreements with husbands always grind me up on the inside. I hope by now you have come to an understanding that suits the both of you. For better or worse, men do think differently than we do. UGH ... we just think we are right all the time (and we usually are!!!).
Anyway, I'm sure my erased post was much wittier and more fun. I'm tired from a long day at work. Just wanted to let you know that I'm thinking about you and hope you are able to pay me a visit when you are in town. I'd love to chat over a cup of coffee (or glass of wine).
This is the end of the thread.
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