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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 13 of 13. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by All Done on October 7, 2005, at 0:45:47
Are you doing okay?
Just thinking about you...
Laurie
Posted by fairywings on October 7, 2005, at 11:07:49
In reply to Daisy?, posted by All Done on October 7, 2005, at 0:45:47
I've missed you too, are you out there? I hope you're just really busy!
fw
Posted by daisym on October 7, 2005, at 20:38:50
In reply to Daisy?, posted by All Done on October 7, 2005, at 0:45:47
Thanks for thinking about me. I've been buried, both with work and emotionally. Things are unraveling for me and I spent a very bad night in a hotel room thinking that I had completely reached the end of my rope and I just couldn't face another day. I fell asleep clutching my cell phone and a bottle of sleeping pills. I slept for two hours, which was enough to gain some self-control again. I've decided drinking on nights like this is NOT a good idea.
My therapist called yesterday afternoon slightly panicked because I hadn't shown up for my appointment. He forgot we moved it to the evening because I was traveling. But as hard as he tried to be sort of nonchalant in his message I could hear the edge and I hate myself for putting such a huge burden on him and making him worry. And I wasn't very nice during the session. He told me something has to give, I had to let go of something. And I snapped at him that everyone tells me that, but then they add "but not my stuff." He is the same way because he wants me to prioritize therapy -- and I told him I'm too busy for therapy. He countered with "it doesn't matter how much work there is to do if you aren't alive to do it." Ouch. I think he is getting p*ss*d about all of this.
My homework is to try to write about why I want to die. What is driving these thoughts and why is this the only answer? I haven't done it yet. I want to just scream "enough" and keep screaming it. But no one is listening, so why bother?
I am touched that you thought about me, but don't worry.
Hugs, Daisy
Posted by muffled on October 7, 2005, at 22:18:19
In reply to Re: Daisy? (trigger), posted by daisym on October 7, 2005, at 20:38:50
He countered with "it doesn't matter how much work there is to do if you aren't alive to do it." Ouch. I think he is getting p*ss*d about all of this.
Mebbe he cares and is scared?
>
> My homework is to try to write about why I want to die. What is driving these thoughts and why is this the only answer? I haven't done it yet. I want to just scream "enough" and keep screaming it. But no one is listening, so why bother?I would think the people on this board are listening. Go ahead hit the caps lock and let her GO. mebbe you could write stuff here and print it out for T. mebbe some people can ahve some good ideas, or bad ones, just take what you want. Its free!
>
> I am touched that you thought about me, but don't worry.
> Hugs, DaisyIts hard for people not to worry when they care.
Sorry you feel so bad.
Muffled. :(
Posted by fallsfall on October 8, 2005, at 8:24:27
In reply to Re: Daisy? (trigger), posted by daisym on October 7, 2005, at 20:38:50
"I am touched that you thought about me, but don't worry." ?????????
You went to sleep clutching your sleeping pills... You say that you are too busy for therapy... You are feeling very hopeless. And when I talk to you, you don't want to talk about you, you only want to talk about me.
Sure. I won't worry.
He is not getting p*ss*d at you. He is being realistic. It **DOESN"T** matter how much work there is to do if you aren't alive to do it. This is a TRUE statement. It is a fact. Facts don't have emotion. He just wants you to see the truth.
You have some really difficult things ahead of you. But I'll tell you the same thing that I just told Dinah. You wouldn't let *us* get away with giving up. You wouldn't let your kids get away with giving up. Don't let yourself get away with it. **I** won't let you get away with giving up.
Your "consider the possibility" goes like this:
Consider the possibility that your life could be different. That change is possible. That the problems that are (I get an image of a (big)lump of Silly Putty plopped on top of you, making you immobile) "covering" you are NOT permanent. That things COULD be different.
If you could see that there is a *possibility* that things could be different in the future, would that be something that might make a difference in your life? Would that be something that might make giving up a bit premature? You don't have to know WHAT would be different, you don't have to understand HOW it could get to be different. All you need to do is to wonder... if something somehow could change, and my life wasn't going to be like this forever, would it be worth sticking around to see what my new life could be?
MY "new" life was worth sticking around for...
I love you,
Falls.
Posted by 10derHeart on October 8, 2005, at 15:36:37
In reply to Re: Daisy? (trigger) » daisym, posted by fallsfall on October 8, 2005, at 8:24:27
Falls,
Your post made my cry.
You are so special.
Daisy is so special.You both make me want to be a better person, on several levels, for a variety of reasons (yes, I just *borrowed* that line from "As Good As It Gets") !
I always get so much out of every single post either of you write.
Falls, Daisy has a wonderful friend in you and I'm sure she knows it.
Daisy, Falls has a wonderful friend in you, and I'm sure it would nearly kill her if anything ever happened....
Hold on, Daisy. You can. You have before. You have to. You will. Just have to get back closer to, "I want to, " maybe, to make the others easier. Babblers will be here for you 24/7 - absolutely, 100%.
(((Daisy)))
(((Falls)))
Posted by fairywings on October 8, 2005, at 16:03:11
In reply to Re: Daisy? (trigger), posted by daisym on October 7, 2005, at 20:38:50
You are always so kind and so thoughtful, wish there were something I could do or say that would make an ounce of difference. I do care, you are one person (of many) I would miss if you weren't on the boards.
I hope you will prioritize therapy and daisy!
fw
Posted by daisym on October 8, 2005, at 20:13:13
In reply to Re: Daisy » daisym, posted by muffled on October 7, 2005, at 22:18:19
I'm trying to think of how to respond but all I can say is I hear what you are all saying and truly, I'm trying to envision things being different. All I can envision is them without me. Or all of these pressing problems stretching on and on and on... I think I understand why people reach for things that numb out the pain. I don't want to feel like this anymore. I used to be able to find the creative solutions or the sliver of silver lining. I don't even have the energy to pretend there is a solution.
But I still love all of you. I do have energy for that.
Posted by muffled on October 8, 2005, at 20:22:35
In reply to Re: Daisy, posted by daisym on October 8, 2005, at 20:13:13
Posted by gardenergirl on October 9, 2005, at 21:15:10
In reply to Re: Daisy, posted by daisym on October 8, 2005, at 20:13:13
Sweetie,
Perhaps numbing is a good idea? Any thoughts about meds? I know pdocs have not been all that sensitive. But if you went in with a list of symptoms related to your emotions and asked for help with them, without going into the background, might that help?(((daisy)))
I wish I could make it easier.
gg
Posted by fairywings on October 10, 2005, at 8:46:49
In reply to Re: Daisy, posted by daisym on October 8, 2005, at 20:13:13
> I'm trying to think of how to respond but all I can say is I hear what you are all saying and truly, I'm trying to envision things being different. All I can envision is them without me. Or all of these pressing problems stretching on and on and on... I think I understand why people reach for things that numb out the pain. I don't want to feel like this anymore. I used to be able to find the creative solutions or the sliver of silver lining. I don't even have the energy to pretend there is a solution.
>
> But I still love all of you. I do have energy for that.Sometimes it is easier just to take an Rx to make you numb out at least a bit to get past the really bad feelings. Maybe gg's suggestion of seeing a p-doc is a good one?
((((hugs))))
fw
Posted by All Done on October 10, 2005, at 12:31:44
In reply to Re: Daisy? (trigger), posted by daisym on October 7, 2005, at 20:38:50
> Thanks for thinking about me. I've been buried, both with work and emotionally. Things are unraveling for me and I spent a very bad night in a hotel room thinking that I had completely reached the end of my rope and I just couldn't face another day. I fell asleep clutching my cell phone and a bottle of sleeping pills. I slept for two hours, which was enough to gain some self-control again. I've decided drinking on nights like this is NOT a good idea.
That is so scary, Daisy. I'm sorry you're feeling so desperate, but I'm glad you're talking to us.
> My therapist called yesterday afternoon slightly panicked because I hadn't shown up for my appointment. He forgot we moved it to the evening because I was traveling. But as hard as he tried to be sort of nonchalant in his message I could hear the edge and I hate myself for putting such a huge burden on him and making him worry. And I wasn't very nice during the session. He told me something has to give, I had to let go of something. And I snapped at him that everyone tells me that, but then they add "but not my stuff." He is the same way because he wants me to prioritize therapy -- and I told him I'm too busy for therapy. He countered with "it doesn't matter how much work there is to do if you aren't alive to do it." Ouch. I think he is getting p*ss*d about all of this.
>
> My homework is to try to write about why I want to die. What is driving these thoughts and why is this the only answer? I haven't done it yet. I want to just scream "enough" and keep screaming it. But no one is listening, so why bother?Forgive me if I'm way off base here, Daisy, but I wonder if you're the one getting p*ss*d, not your T. I think you have plenty of reasons to be p*ss*d, but I know how hard it is to deal with anger. I stuff it all inside until I'm ready to burst. I'm afraid you might be turning your anger inward. You really don't deserve that.
> I am touched that you thought about me, but don't worry.
> Hugs, DaisyHugs to you, too, Daisy. I'm still thinking about you.
Laurie
Posted by B2chica on October 10, 2005, at 12:48:43
In reply to Re: (((Daisy))), posted by All Done on October 10, 2005, at 12:31:44
This is the end of the thread.
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