Posted by All Done on October 10, 2005, at 12:31:44
In reply to Re: Daisy? (trigger), posted by daisym on October 7, 2005, at 20:38:50
> Thanks for thinking about me. I've been buried, both with work and emotionally. Things are unraveling for me and I spent a very bad night in a hotel room thinking that I had completely reached the end of my rope and I just couldn't face another day. I fell asleep clutching my cell phone and a bottle of sleeping pills. I slept for two hours, which was enough to gain some self-control again. I've decided drinking on nights like this is NOT a good idea.
That is so scary, Daisy. I'm sorry you're feeling so desperate, but I'm glad you're talking to us.
> My therapist called yesterday afternoon slightly panicked because I hadn't shown up for my appointment. He forgot we moved it to the evening because I was traveling. But as hard as he tried to be sort of nonchalant in his message I could hear the edge and I hate myself for putting such a huge burden on him and making him worry. And I wasn't very nice during the session. He told me something has to give, I had to let go of something. And I snapped at him that everyone tells me that, but then they add "but not my stuff." He is the same way because he wants me to prioritize therapy -- and I told him I'm too busy for therapy. He countered with "it doesn't matter how much work there is to do if you aren't alive to do it." Ouch. I think he is getting p*ss*d about all of this.
>
> My homework is to try to write about why I want to die. What is driving these thoughts and why is this the only answer? I haven't done it yet. I want to just scream "enough" and keep screaming it. But no one is listening, so why bother?Forgive me if I'm way off base here, Daisy, but I wonder if you're the one getting p*ss*d, not your T. I think you have plenty of reasons to be p*ss*d, but I know how hard it is to deal with anger. I stuff it all inside until I'm ready to burst. I'm afraid you might be turning your anger inward. You really don't deserve that.
> I am touched that you thought about me, but don't worry.
> Hugs, DaisyHugs to you, too, Daisy. I'm still thinking about you.
Laurie
poster:All Done
thread:563956
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20051008/msgs/565233.html