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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 8 of 8. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by B2chica on October 4, 2005, at 12:50:10
ever since these memories of abuse (i say that word without believing it applies to me) started to come back to me i feel like my whole day surrounds them. i eat drink and sleep them. i just dwell on it. sometimes i have so many questions, other times i'm confused, other times in disbelief, then of course times that i start the blame game and push myself further into depression.
will it ever let up.
what helps.
how many times do i have to re-live this cr@p, how many more memories will i have, do people get tired of hearing cr@p like this. i feel like i shouldn't be talking at all about this at all. sometimes i feel like my T would get tired of hearing this crap session after session. (he's never shown me that, it's just me thinking that).
i just can't seem to think about anything else.b2c.
Posted by happyflower on October 4, 2005, at 13:46:42
In reply to getting over 'abuse', posted by B2chica on October 4, 2005, at 12:50:10
AUUGGH! I just lost a long post I wrote to you. I will try again.
I have been were you are not too long ago. It seems to me that you are almost ready to admit that yes you were abused. I think at least for me, was a huge step. I didn't want to admit it because I didn't want to be seen as damaged goods. But admiting it, took a huge weight off my shoulders, but it was hard.Even though you are reliving so much pain right now, I think you are making progress. The next step for me was to accepting it , and moving on because the abuse didn't "own" me.
But I still get triggered now and then. This weekend there was this mom at the dollar store smacking her young child maybe 2 yrs old and then yelling at her to shut up and stop crying. I wanted to run to the child and pick her up and take her away from her monster. Seeing this stuff makes me angry and gives me a very upset feeling in the pit of my stomach.
I think all child abusers should be sent to an island to live with each other so they can experience what it feels like.
My heart goes out to you, it is very painful to remember this stuff. It must be something T 's do to desenatize us, which is common in child abuse cases. My T used EMDR, which was a lot less painful, but still hard.
My T says that reliving abuse is like throwing up, it is much harder coming back up then it was going down. Sorry for the grossness, my T specailizes in trama and he has a good way to make me understand it, even if it is gross. But heck abuse is gross.
Hang in there B2, write often, we care. It will get easier, just keep up the hard work.
Posted by happyflower on October 4, 2005, at 13:56:13
In reply to Re: getting over 'abuse', posted by happyflower on October 4, 2005, at 13:46:42
I was also going to say that I think you never get over abuse, I think you just find a way to keep it in your past without effecting you as much in your present life.
Posted by lynn970 on October 4, 2005, at 20:23:28
In reply to getting over 'abuse', posted by B2chica on October 4, 2005, at 12:50:10
I had to forgive my abuser. It helped me to heal. Now, I wont go back into the abusive situation. My mom tried again. I told her that she will never hurt me again.
Posted by antigua on October 5, 2005, at 10:12:09
In reply to getting over 'abuse', posted by B2chica on October 4, 2005, at 12:50:10
I know how you feel. It will get better. You have to wallow in it for awhile until you can come to terms with it, and you will. Like it's already been said, you will never forget it but once you deal w/it, it should have less day to day effects. I know it's hard to escape the constant barrage, but try to do something nice for yourself just so you can find a few moments of peace.
best,
antigua
Posted by B2chica on October 5, 2005, at 11:16:50
In reply to Re: getting over 'abuse' » B2chica, posted by antigua on October 5, 2005, at 10:12:09
right now i'm feeling a lot of fear. scared of DBT, fear of memories, scared of everything, scared of others finding out. i feel like i did then, fear and shame. :(
b2c.
Posted by Tamar on October 5, 2005, at 17:29:11
In reply to getting over 'abuse', posted by B2chica on October 4, 2005, at 12:50:10
Hi B2Chica,
I don’t know if I have answers to all your questions. They’re still my questions too sometimes… but I’ll try…
> ever since these memories of abuse (i say that word without believing it applies to me) started to come back to me i feel like my whole day surrounds them. i eat drink and sleep them. i just dwell on it. sometimes i have so many questions, other times i'm confused, other times in disbelief, then of course times that i start the blame game and push myself further into depression.
The blame game is awful, isn’t it? It’s so hard to come to the point of believing that it wasn’t your fault. And when the memories won’t go away, it’s easy to blame yourself, no matter how often people tell you that it wasn’t your fault, that almost no one fights back, that people who do bad things are morally responsible for those bad things, and that you didn’t ask for it. (((((B2C)))))
> will it ever let up.
Eventually, but it takes hard work and it hurts. Eventually it will hurt less.
> what helps.
For me, one thing that helped was talking, talking, talking with my therapist. He was wonderful.
> how many times do i have to re-live this cr@p,
Sometimes you need to look it at from several different perspectives, and it takes time to get through them. But it will get easier. It really will.
> how many more memories will i have,
It’s impossible to know. But as long as you keep talking it will get easier to process the memories that emerge.
> do people get tired of hearing cr@p like this. i feel like i shouldn't be talking at all about this at all. sometimes i feel like my T would get tired of hearing this crap session after session. (he's never shown me that, it's just me thinking that).
That one I *can* answer. The answer is: No. People don’t get tired of hearing about it. Your therapist doesn’t get tired of hearing about it. And people at Babble don’t get tired of hearing about it. You can keep talking about it as much as you need to. You can ask your therapist straight out if you don’t believe me. Just ask him whether he gets tired of hearing about it. I’m certain he’ll say he doesn’t get tired of it. (I’d bet my house on it.)
> i just can't seem to think about anything else.
It can be overwhelming. I used to have to write everything down. Putting it on paper got it out of my head, so that I wasn’t spiralling through the same stuff over and over again. And I used the stuff I’d written as a springboard for discussion with my therapist.
It can be intrusive, though… it’s easy to find yourself thinking about it when you want to be doing other things. If you’re finding it hard to put it aside when you really need to (like when you’re at work), maybe you could talk to your therapist about that.
I think you’ve been making amazing progress over the last few months. I know it can be hard to feel that way when you’re still in the middle of it. But from over here it seems that you’re making great use of your internal resources.
Tamar
Posted by fairywings on October 5, 2005, at 18:27:00
In reply to getting over 'abuse', posted by B2chica on October 4, 2005, at 12:50:10
I'm in the same place you are (((B2))). My T says you never "get over it", you learn to deal with it. I agree with everyone else, ppl here don't get tired of hearing you, your T won't get tired of hearing you, you just go ahead and say what you need to say. And the idea of writing it down is excellent. I do that now, and it's so cathartic. I keep a journal of my therapy, so I can see what we've done. It helps so much. It is hard not to blame yourself, maybe because you were blamed by the abuser? Or because that was the way you justified there "okayness" to yourself at the time? At some point you will feel anger toward them maybe, and a lot of other feelings. It feels like sh*t, I know.
(((hugs)))
fw
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