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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 16 of 16. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by orchid on October 4, 2005, at 18:09:29
ANy ideas on what to do to get over the feeling of not being likeable?
I still have somehow very staunch feeling that I am not likeable at all. I don't know why though. I keep thinking nobody really likes me - neither in family, nor at work, nor among friends. For that matter, I somehow take it for granted that my hsuband doesn't like me even deep down. Even though he says he likes me a lot.
I can't really get over the feeling. I somehow think I am totally not likeable. I behave decently well with most people, but more and more I am kind of retracting into a shell mainly because I think no one really likes me anyways, so why bother.
I have tried to get it out of my system, but it doesn't seem to go.
Posted by orchid on October 4, 2005, at 18:13:54
In reply to How to get over the feeling of not being likeable?, posted by orchid on October 4, 2005, at 18:09:29
That sometimes, I am at the heights of confidence.. Sometimes I think I am the most likeable person, even to the extent of being arrogant. But even during those times, I think I just believe deep down that if someone really gets to know me, they won't like me.
It has become kind of like an unshakeable faith and I don't know why I feel that way.
In fact even with my ex T, I was pretty sure she didn't like me and she wouldn't want to hear from me. But I was quite surprised when she was warm. I didn't expect her to be warm.
Posted by Angela2 on October 4, 2005, at 20:08:53
In reply to I should add... » orchid, posted by orchid on October 4, 2005, at 18:13:54
Could there be memories from your past influencing the way you feel in the present? (I don't know your past, these're just my thoughts)
Take care orchid/ pinkeye.
Posted by lynn970 on October 4, 2005, at 20:25:30
In reply to How to get over the feeling of not being likeable?, posted by orchid on October 4, 2005, at 18:09:29
When I feel like noone likes me, I just think, "ok, though noone may love/like me, I know that God does." That makes me feel much better.
I am sure that you are very likable. Just remember that the disease of mental illness causes you to believe the lie.
Posted by sleepygirl on October 4, 2005, at 22:21:10
In reply to How to get over the feeling of not being likeable?, posted by orchid on October 4, 2005, at 18:09:29
Me too!! I can't seem to shake it. I'm putting some serious energy into it right now.
I think I'm just so used to thinking it (it's safer somehow that way and more familiar), but of course in the end not terribly comfortable and pretty sad.
I wish you good luck changing that and much compassion for yourself. Let us know how it goes.
Posted by JenStar on October 5, 2005, at 1:26:53
In reply to How to get over the feeling of not being likeable?, posted by orchid on October 4, 2005, at 18:09:29
First of all, Orchid, I like you very much here on Babble! :) I think you're quite likeable. I think you're interesting, warm, and thoughtful.
About convincing yourself...I don't know. It's hard, I know! I think maybe the problem is that YOU don't like parts of yourself, maybe (?), so that's where the conviction comes from that you are unlikeable. People say this often can develop in childhood, especially if someone suffers abuse in the home -- after being abused either mentally or physically, a person just feels unworthy.
To fix it...you might have to delve into why YOU don't like parts of yourself, or parts of your past (if that's in fact true) and understand that in order to "kill" it.
I also think that it's important to develop self-worth and self-importance by treating yourself with respect at all times, by respecting your own body and mind, and doing things for YOU - things which make you happy, fulfilled and content as a human being. If you're always giving in to what other people want, it's hard to be happy with that, and it could contribute to a nagging sense of dissatisfaction.
You ARE likeable. I hope you can see it! :)
JenStar
Posted by Dinah on October 5, 2005, at 7:33:48
In reply to I should add... » orchid, posted by orchid on October 4, 2005, at 18:13:54
Well, I find you likeable.
But what you said about extreme shifts in your feelings about yourself makes me wonder if there may be a chemical component to the problem. Do the shifts in your self confidence level have to do with external circumstances, or do they just happen?
I have the same thing happen to me with energy levels, and I'm 100% positive it isn't psychological as much as it is chemical.
Posted by greyskyeyes on October 5, 2005, at 12:04:25
In reply to How to get over the feeling of not being likeable?, posted by orchid on October 4, 2005, at 18:09:29
I have that same problem... I'm very shy but I still get along very well with people. But deep down, I'm convinced that they're only pretending to like me. I had that happen a lot in elementary/ middle school and I guess it's become a permanent way of thinking for me. Depression only exacerbates the feeling. I'm working on it in therapy but it's so hard.
No words of wisdom unfortunately, just wanted to let you know I understand.
~ grey
Posted by Tamar on October 5, 2005, at 17:54:14
In reply to How to get over the feeling of not being likeable?, posted by orchid on October 4, 2005, at 18:09:29
Well, I like you. And I know other people here like you. But I suspect that no matter how many people say they like you, you find it hard to believe. And even if everyone you know tells you they like you, you might still have difficulty believing it. I think it’s like JenStar said: you need to like yourself in order to feel likeable. (((((Orchid)))))
I hesitate to ask but… have you thought about doing more therapy? I know you have a lot of serious issues in your past and while you may have dealt with the most problematic of those issues, perhaps this feeling of not being likeable is related to some of your past experiences. But maybe it’s difficult to find appropriate therapy at the moment.
I can tell you that one thing that helped me was thinking about Jung’s ideas about the animus and the shadow. I tried to think about aspects of myself that I don’t usually like to consider part of my personality, and I found that trying to accept those things was helpful. It’s still an ongoing process, though.
I hope you find something that works for you.
Tamar
Posted by orchid on October 5, 2005, at 18:36:14
In reply to Re: I should add..., posted by Angela2 on October 4, 2005, at 20:08:53
Possibly. I thought I was over everything. But maybe I am not.
Thanks for your input.
Posted by orchid on October 5, 2005, at 18:36:40
In reply to Re: How to get over the feeling of not being likeable?, posted by lynn970 on October 4, 2005, at 20:25:30
Thanks Lyn. I use that strategy quite often too.
Posted by orchid on October 5, 2005, at 18:37:18
In reply to Re: How to get over the feeling of not being likeable? » orchid, posted by sleepygirl on October 4, 2005, at 22:21:10
Thanks Sleepygirl.
Posted by orchid on October 5, 2005, at 18:42:41
In reply to Re: How to get over the feeling of not being likeable? » orchid, posted by JenStar on October 5, 2005, at 1:26:53
Thanks JS !!
You are right about the fact that I have to like myself in order to feel likeable. And that is the problem. I don't like myself quite as much as I should perhaps.
I don't understand why, but it seems extremely hard to develop a good sense of self liking. I have never been able to like myself too much. These days I am more forgiving towards myself, but even then, many days, I just don't like me.
Posted by orchid on October 5, 2005, at 18:44:54
In reply to Re: I should add... » orchid, posted by Dinah on October 5, 2005, at 7:33:48
Thanks Dinah.
I don't have exteme shifts strong enough to justify a chemical imbalance. IT is usually pretty low self liking. Once in a while I get over confident, but that usually disappears quickly.Actually what I meant about getting over confident, is sometimes I fight too much for something with my hsuband. But in retrospect, I think even that is a hallmark of low self esteem rather than high self esteem. I don't have a health way of saying no. Instead I just fight and argue and shout, and 10 mins later, I apologize and then give in.
Posted by orchid on October 5, 2005, at 18:45:36
In reply to Re: How to get over the feeling of not being likea » orchid, posted by greyskyeyes on October 5, 2005, at 12:04:25
Thanks. I have had this issue from childhood as well.
Posted by orchid on October 5, 2005, at 18:56:29
In reply to Re: How to get over the feeling of not being likeable? » orchid, posted by Tamar on October 5, 2005, at 17:54:14
Thanks Tamar.
I also think what JS said is true.
Regarding further therapy, I am not sure at this point. First, it is very boring to start all over again with one more T. Second, even if I want, I don't know how to go about finding a good T. I still think my first T was perhaps one of the best in my state, and I really don't think the quality is good enough for the rest of the folks. I might be wrong, but that is my impression. I think nobody even gives a 45 - 50 minute appt. Most of the medical profession these days there aim only at making money and not on giving quality health care. My first T was really great in that aspect. IT will be hard to find someone like that again. And third, it is usually considered not acceptable to have mental health issues. If I go to a T staying with my in laws, it will further increase the problems and issues.
So considering all that, it is not worth it. I have this board as well. I think it will suffice.
If it gets worse, I will think of trying some one there.
I have been trying to come to terms with myself, but for some reason, it is quite hard to like me for me. MAybe it will get better with time.
This is the end of the thread.
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