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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 8 of 8. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by muffled on September 15, 2005, at 22:06:41
I'm struggling with the whole concept. The whole T. relationship. Sometimes it feels like such a horrendous twisted parody of real life and it bothers me. I got to learn to trust, really truly trust I guess. Its just very hard to do when you been going at it alone for such a long time.
I can't quite trust my T. She has very careful boundaries. She won't phone back at certain times, no matter what, not even later if you leave a message. Its like she's there for me but she's not. I wonder if she has too much on her plate personally and even mentally too. It can't be easy being a T.
I very rarely call.
This is why a person just shouldn't get attached, cuz this is just what happens. Its like its all just proving a point to me. But maybe I'm just expecting too much? She's very good to work with in session. Especially since I don't communicate well.
I dunno. I'm just rambling cuz I got other things going on, I don't wish to say right now.
Thanks for listening to me whine!
Muffled
Posted by daisym on September 16, 2005, at 0:11:50
In reply to RE: ataching to T., posted by muffled on September 15, 2005, at 22:06:41
I'm struggling with the whole concept. The whole T. relationship. Sometimes it feels like such a horrendous twisted parody of real life and it bothers me.
***I think this is why I hate comedies about therapy. It cuts too close to how I really feel, even if I can keep my self under control. I don't talk about my deep feelings much IRL either, for the same reasons. I guess that is why I need Babble so much.I got to learn to trust, really truly trust I guess. Its just very hard to do when you been going at it alone for such a long time.
***totally! And you needed to go it alone to keep yourself safe for a long time. So you have to respect and honor that part of yourself. But it gets awfully lonely, doesn't it?I can't quite trust my T. She has very careful boundaries. She won't phone back at certain times, no matter what, not even later if you leave a message.
***I hate banging into those boundaries. I know they are around for a reason and while I only have one therapist, he has 40 of me, but still... I guess I would say it is a good thing that she has articulated her boundaries so that you know them and don't take it personally. I think it helps if you know what to do in an emergency and you've worked on defining what an emergency is. My therapist is great about calling me back and all that, but I know that he usually checks his service for the last time each evening around 9. So if I leave a message after that, I probably won't hear from him until the next morning. And he can take a few hours to call back sometimes. But we've talked about all this and I know what to expect. I might not like it, but I understand it.Its like she's there for me but she's not. I wonder if she has too much on her plate personally and even mentally too. It can't be easy being a T.
***It isn't your job to take care of her. You should tell her your worries. I bet it would lead to a good discussion.I very rarely call.
***I didn't either for a long time. Then I did a lot, and now I don't much. I think being able to call actually allows me to wait more. And, I know the difference between missing him, and needing him to help me with something. So I think you should call if you need to. And talk to her about this.This is why a person just shouldn't get attached, cuz this is just what happens. Its like its all just proving a point to me. But maybe I'm just expecting too much? She's very good to work with in session. Especially since I don't communicate well.
***What are you expecting? What point is being proved? In my experience, being attached has allowed me to go deep into the scary places of myself and explore very old wounds. It feels good to be allowed to care about someone like this, with no expectations other than honesty and to be yourself. And it feels good to know he cares about me, even after seeing the worst parts of me. And besides, can you really help it? You might keep it a secret, but it sounds like you are attached already.I dunno. I'm just rambling cuz I got other things going on, I don't wish to say right now.
Thanks for listening to me whine!
Muffled
***No problem rambling. I hope the other things aren't to hard and you can be OK.
Posted by muffled on September 16, 2005, at 12:03:58
In reply to RE: ataching to T., posted by daisym on September 16, 2005, at 0:11:50
Thanks Daisym. I'm just struggling with the whole trust and letting someone close thing. Its very hard to understand..........
Posted by cricket on September 16, 2005, at 15:04:57
In reply to RE: ataching to T., posted by muffled on September 15, 2005, at 22:06:41
Attachment is hard.
I think that just talking about it and thinking about it is a step in the right direction. I know that when I first went to my therapist I didn't even understand the word attachment.
And now it seems like I am in about the same place you are, so maybe it's progress.
Posted by rabidreader on September 17, 2005, at 14:55:21
In reply to RE: ataching to T. » muffled, posted by cricket on September 16, 2005, at 15:04:57
I hate saying this, but because of recent events n my own T-world I feel obligated to. It's okay and even right to attach to a therapist. But, just as in any relationship: guard your heart. Remember it is a professional relationship and T's are not your family, friends, or lovers. I have recently been learning this the hard way when T's have had to move on and I've felt abandoned.
I think it would be great to talk to him/her about attaching and SPECIFICALLY what it means to attach in a therapy relationship. I'm going to be doing this, because I have maybe attached too much to my T's, I don't know.
But maybe I just feel burned right now. At any rate, the best thing to do is open the dialogue with your T. This has really helped me lately...I haven't been just leting big issues like this stew in my head. It is so freeing!
Posted by happyflower on September 17, 2005, at 22:52:56
In reply to RE: ataching to T., posted by rabidreader on September 17, 2005, at 14:55:21
I remember talking to my T a couple of months ago about feeling very clingy to him. He didn't seem to even bat an eyelash. He made it feel okay that I felt like this, he didn't try to make me feel any diffferent. I needed to feel close to get "real" about my therapy. Now I still close to him, but yet I am not too clingy anymore. I am going every 2 weeks now, and even though it is hard sometimes, I know I can do it. If I can 't and I need to see him earlier, I am sure he will find time for me. But I am still trying to make it on my own.
So I would say it is okay to feel attached. It must be something that we all need in our lives. Most T's are safe to be attached to. :)
Posted by jammerlich on September 17, 2005, at 23:39:53
In reply to RE: ataching to T., posted by happyflower on September 17, 2005, at 22:52:56
>>>> Most T's are safe to be attached to.
Are they, really? I'm not so sure. Mine wasn't.
Posted by rabidreader on September 19, 2005, at 14:44:36
In reply to RE: ataching to T., posted by jammerlich on September 17, 2005, at 23:39:53
I agree with jammerlich. It's a messy deal, this therapy. I used to get very attached to my T's. Now I don't know what to do, because the endings have taught me that T's are professionals with their own lives and families, and while they may care for you, they have an obligation to keep a professional distance. It's a very difficult and fragile relationship. Can it help? In some instances, I think so. Can it hurt? Most definitely.
This is the end of the thread.
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