Posted by daisym on September 16, 2005, at 0:11:50
In reply to RE: ataching to T., posted by muffled on September 15, 2005, at 22:06:41
I'm struggling with the whole concept. The whole T. relationship. Sometimes it feels like such a horrendous twisted parody of real life and it bothers me.
***I think this is why I hate comedies about therapy. It cuts too close to how I really feel, even if I can keep my self under control. I don't talk about my deep feelings much IRL either, for the same reasons. I guess that is why I need Babble so much.I got to learn to trust, really truly trust I guess. Its just very hard to do when you been going at it alone for such a long time.
***totally! And you needed to go it alone to keep yourself safe for a long time. So you have to respect and honor that part of yourself. But it gets awfully lonely, doesn't it?I can't quite trust my T. She has very careful boundaries. She won't phone back at certain times, no matter what, not even later if you leave a message.
***I hate banging into those boundaries. I know they are around for a reason and while I only have one therapist, he has 40 of me, but still... I guess I would say it is a good thing that she has articulated her boundaries so that you know them and don't take it personally. I think it helps if you know what to do in an emergency and you've worked on defining what an emergency is. My therapist is great about calling me back and all that, but I know that he usually checks his service for the last time each evening around 9. So if I leave a message after that, I probably won't hear from him until the next morning. And he can take a few hours to call back sometimes. But we've talked about all this and I know what to expect. I might not like it, but I understand it.Its like she's there for me but she's not. I wonder if she has too much on her plate personally and even mentally too. It can't be easy being a T.
***It isn't your job to take care of her. You should tell her your worries. I bet it would lead to a good discussion.I very rarely call.
***I didn't either for a long time. Then I did a lot, and now I don't much. I think being able to call actually allows me to wait more. And, I know the difference between missing him, and needing him to help me with something. So I think you should call if you need to. And talk to her about this.This is why a person just shouldn't get attached, cuz this is just what happens. Its like its all just proving a point to me. But maybe I'm just expecting too much? She's very good to work with in session. Especially since I don't communicate well.
***What are you expecting? What point is being proved? In my experience, being attached has allowed me to go deep into the scary places of myself and explore very old wounds. It feels good to be allowed to care about someone like this, with no expectations other than honesty and to be yourself. And it feels good to know he cares about me, even after seeing the worst parts of me. And besides, can you really help it? You might keep it a secret, but it sounds like you are attached already.I dunno. I'm just rambling cuz I got other things going on, I don't wish to say right now.
Thanks for listening to me whine!
Muffled
***No problem rambling. I hope the other things aren't to hard and you can be OK.
poster:daisym
thread:555476
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050912/msgs/555519.html