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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 7 of 7. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by fairywings on September 15, 2005, at 23:52:51
I gave my new T the stuff I wrote about my dad, and he read it, and then he said my dad was a sadist, and that he terrorized our family, which i already knew.
After that, we talked, and I told him it took me years not to expect my husband to react to me the way my father had, and he said, "So, if your husband ever got really mad at you, the way your father used to, would it be the hurt child who would respond to him, or the adult who would respond?" and I told him that it would be out of character for my husband, but that if he did get that mad, it would be the child I suppose.
Then he said a lot of stuff, but basically, that I have to get in touch with the hurt child inside of me and that if I don't, the child will continue to respond every time I'm in a situation where I feel threatened. He said lots of other stuff too. My head is kind of spinning, it's late, and I can't even think straight. I started my higher dose of topamax tonight which I think is messing me up a little too. Anyway, I said, "So what do I have to do?" And he said, "Don't respond to the child the way your father would have." and then he said some other stuff, and I don't remember all of what he said, and OMG! I'm so freaked out! What is he saying to me?! I asked him several times, and he didn't say exactly, I think he knew he had me totally freaked out! I think he knew I was really scared by all of this.
If this isn't coherent, I'll try to write more tomorrow. it's ironic, just last night i told my p-doc i liked the new T, and my p-doc said he was really smart, but that a lot of people quit because he'll see things that ppl don't want to see, and take them places they don't want to go, and so they quit. i'm freaked out, that's for sure.
fw
Posted by daisym on September 16, 2005, at 0:30:38
In reply to Totally freaked out by session!, posted by fairywings on September 15, 2005, at 23:52:51
I'm sorry you are freaked out. But it is freaky stuff. I think I remember when Tender posted about her experience with this. It was hard for her too. I'll try to find the link.
Go slow and don't force anything. I think you will find that the left over scared parts will emerge on their own as you work through this process. My therapist said the same thing to me about people quitting. No doubt, therapy is hard and painful. Regression is uncomfortable but not everyone does this.
I think the most important thing is to not look too far forward and worry about what might happen. Instead, focus on your current issues and keep pushing yourself to be honest. Your therapist sounds great.
Posted by fairywings on September 16, 2005, at 5:51:02
In reply to Re: Totally freaked out by session! » fairywings, posted by daisym on September 16, 2005, at 0:30:38
So daisy, is this what he's telling me, that i'm DID? That i have parts?
so, what happens now?
fw
Posted by gardenergirl on September 16, 2005, at 9:16:50
In reply to Re: Totally freaked out by session! » daisym, posted by fairywings on September 16, 2005, at 5:51:02
Hi,
He's not saying you have DID or that you have parts or alters like those with DID do.But we do have memories, feelings, hurts, and longings from childhood that can continue into adulthood. These are more primitive and basic than the thoughts and feelings we have as fully developed adults. Yet they can still drive our behavior. So when we try to apply adult, rational understanding to a situation when the situation is, at least in part, stemming from a childhood need or experience, it can be hard to work out.
So talking about an inner child is a convention or pragmatic way to try to start talking about these unresolved issues from childhood. We all do retain our child selves as part of our whole self. Most of us are more or less whole selves with our lifetime of experiences and our lifetime of knowing our Self integrated into who we are today.
Sometimes therapy works well if you start to piece apart that whole Self in order to see what's going on at any given moment.
So for an example, I tend to interact with male authority figures in ways that are not as effective, because I keep expecting them to reject me or ignore me, or otherwise act like my father did. And since as a little girl, I wanted nothing more than to know my father loved me, cherished me, really, any rejection from him was devastating. It seems I tend to seek what I didn't get from my dad (approval, etc.) from male authority figures. So this makes those interactions way more weighted and messy than they need to be. So, you could say that my inner child is coming to work with me and interacting with my boss or other male authority figures in hopes of finally getting what she didn't get from my dad.
Okay, way more than maybe you wanted to know. But please be reassured. T's talk about parts as a way of understanding the whole self. He's not talking about DID.
((((fw)))
gg
Posted by fairywings on September 16, 2005, at 9:29:23
In reply to Re: Totally freaked out by session! » fairywings, posted by gardenergirl on September 16, 2005, at 9:16:50
thanks gg,
so, if i have these two children inside of me, that became apparent to me after i read the book "Homecoming", and i can see them, interact with them, talk to them, that is still okay, as long as i don't become them, because i don't, they are just inside of me, nothing else.
i am very aware that when i feel threatened or unsafe i do react like the younger child would, but none of me has the "balls" of the older one! Darn shame.fw
Posted by Tamar on September 16, 2005, at 15:27:17
In reply to Totally freaked out by session!, posted by fairywings on September 15, 2005, at 23:52:51
Sorry you’re feeling freaked out. I don’t think I can add to anything Daisy and GG said, but I did just want to say I’m thinking of you.
(((((Fairywings)))))
One thing… It’s interesting what your p-doc said about your T. If it’s true, I would imagine that it’s particularly important to tell him when you’re feeling freaked out, because it seems to me that there are already places you’re not sure you want to go (like what you posted before about not wanting to discuss your experience of rape with him, or not wanting to discuss what happened when you talked about rape with your former therapist). But I think if you tell him when you’re feeling freaked out he should be able to help.
Feel free to hit me with something heavy if I’m out of line…
Tamar
Posted by fairywings on September 16, 2005, at 17:04:04
In reply to Re: Totally freaked out by session! » fairywings, posted by Tamar on September 16, 2005, at 15:27:17
Thanks tamar, i don't think you're out of line at all, and i really appreciate that you responded to me, i've been so upset today letting my imagination go wild. i think he knows i was freaked out last night because i told him that i felt very threatened and that my exT had said i dissociated and that it was kind of schizophrenic, and it felt like when he said that. he said i wasn't schizophrenic and i wasn't psychotic, and he didn't know why my ex T went there, but he thought maybe, in an effort to try to fix things, he was trying to take me somewhere i wasn't ready to go or something like that, i don't remember.
He's told me he'll push and go as far as i'm comfortable with, but i think the lack of explanation last night made me feel left out on a limb, i don't know where he was going. and also, when he said, "DON'T respond to the child the way your father would have!" at that moment i felt he'd left me, and become the champion for my child, and i felt really abandoned. and i don't know why in the world he'd EVER think i would respond to anyone the way my father would have, that just makes me very sad.
i will talk to him about all of this next week.
thanks tamar,
fw
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