Posted by fairywings on September 15, 2005, at 23:52:51
I gave my new T the stuff I wrote about my dad, and he read it, and then he said my dad was a sadist, and that he terrorized our family, which i already knew.
After that, we talked, and I told him it took me years not to expect my husband to react to me the way my father had, and he said, "So, if your husband ever got really mad at you, the way your father used to, would it be the hurt child who would respond to him, or the adult who would respond?" and I told him that it would be out of character for my husband, but that if he did get that mad, it would be the child I suppose.
Then he said a lot of stuff, but basically, that I have to get in touch with the hurt child inside of me and that if I don't, the child will continue to respond every time I'm in a situation where I feel threatened. He said lots of other stuff too. My head is kind of spinning, it's late, and I can't even think straight. I started my higher dose of topamax tonight which I think is messing me up a little too. Anyway, I said, "So what do I have to do?" And he said, "Don't respond to the child the way your father would have." and then he said some other stuff, and I don't remember all of what he said, and OMG! I'm so freaked out! What is he saying to me?! I asked him several times, and he didn't say exactly, I think he knew he had me totally freaked out! I think he knew I was really scared by all of this.
If this isn't coherent, I'll try to write more tomorrow. it's ironic, just last night i told my p-doc i liked the new T, and my p-doc said he was really smart, but that a lot of people quit because he'll see things that ppl don't want to see, and take them places they don't want to go, and so they quit. i'm freaked out, that's for sure.
fw
poster:fairywings
thread:555516
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050912/msgs/555516.html