![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 3 of 3. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by orchid on August 15, 2005, at 16:43:23
All the time she wants to be the number one, she drives her husband mad on why he is not a millionaire yet, she drives her kid mad.
And she drives me also mad sometimes. She is just so very aggressive, and pushes everybody around to excel.
I feel very sorry for her husband and her kid. Her husband is feeling suffocated already, and I can see it so very well.
I have tried telling her repeatedly not to view life in terms of competition, she never gets it.
She wants to be the number one all the time. Any tips on how to put some sense into her head?
Posted by madeline on August 15, 2005, at 17:30:14
In reply to My best friend is like a race horse.., posted by orchid on August 15, 2005, at 16:43:23
Try to remind yourself why she is your best friend, then you could (1) try to just opt out of any competition and (2) explain to her how her competitive spirit makes you feel when you are around her. Be as honest as you can, but I don't think you are going to change her very much.
Her husband and her children, as much as I know you care really aren't your problem or responsibility.I think you should focus on how she makes you feel and why you continue to be friends.
Posted by jadah on August 15, 2005, at 18:29:14
In reply to My best friend is like a race horse.., posted by orchid on August 15, 2005, at 16:43:23
I have only one friend from grade shcool. We had a blast growing up, we were inseparable. Once we graduated high school though everything changed. It was an unscripted competition about who was going to get the best job, who would graduate from college first, who would marry first, have the most kids... My friend changed. All she wanted to do was marry "rich" so she could have a big house, nice car, status.... Ive never been materialistic (unlike her I had to earn everything I had growing up) She married and had kids. I graduated college, twice and made enough money to make ends meet. I dont have the big house like she does. Her husband thinks Im a loser b/c I dont have all the "toys".... My childhood friend seemed to me a stranger. I started to lose touch with her b/c we had nothing in common and when I did go see her I left feeling like pond scum. I felt as though I would never live up to her and her husbands standards, nor did I want to. While she sat at home sipping margaritas with her bunko group I was trying to get by. Birthdays and christmas' came and went. She was angry at me for not being around.... her kids were growing.... but so was her ego. One day instead of making thousands of excuses for why I couldnt see her I got the courage up to tell her the truth. I felt that I had to do that if the relationship meant anything to me. I told her how I felt around them (tried to stick with I statements), how weve both changed.... I am who I am.... the ball was in her court. She surprisingly didnt get mad she in fact was glad I told her b/c she couldnt figure out what was wrong. She acknoweledge some of what I had said. Did things change? for a little while. I finally realized that we are just two different people now and I needed to move on and find friends that treated me well and made me feel good about myself. Friends support eachother no matter what. They are there to listen, to talk to , to laugh with, cry with, be adventurous with... these are things I look for. Eventually you have to ask yourself, "what am I getting out of this relationship?"
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Psychology | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.