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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 25 of 28. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Poet on April 19, 2005, at 20:17:55
Okay, go ahead and laugh.
For the last month or so, my T has been telling me to write what I am feeling. The last two sessions I brought my notes, but I couldn't convince myself to read her anything or even rip out a few pages and hand them to her as I ran out the door.
She kept asking wby I am writing and I bring the notes if I am not going to share them. She responded to my I don't know with a writing assignment.
I am supposed to write about how I feel emotionally about my mother without crossing anything out. Write without censoring myself.
That is tough to do, but I have been writing. If your T has given you assignments or you keep a journal, do you read it to them, let them read it in front of you or hand it and run?
I see her Thursday, and I am getting anxious over this all ready. I feel like a kid in school with a report that might have to be read in front of the class. Just when I thought I had gotten over social anxiety, though maybe this is therapy anxiety?
Thanks for any help.
Poet
Posted by alexandra_k on April 19, 2005, at 20:36:57
In reply to T gave a writing assignment, how do I hand it in?, posted by Poet on April 19, 2005, at 20:17:55
email.
email is wonderful.
I email stuff.
That way you can email it before hand.
Snail mail is another option if you don't have the email address.
That way they can have a read before hand and have a think about it.
I like to have time to figure out what to say...
I figure that they might too...
Posted by Dinah on April 19, 2005, at 20:39:53
In reply to T gave a writing assignment, how do I hand it in?, posted by Poet on April 19, 2005, at 20:17:55
Mine made me read it aloud. :(
As I got better at talking to him, and at reading, he dropped that requirement.
There's still one thing I handed him on a folded up post it note, and still refer to as "that thing I told you on the post it note" that he'd still like me to read, I guess. But I won't. I won't even let him unfold it in front of me.
Posted by alexandra_k on April 19, 2005, at 20:52:36
In reply to Re: T gave a writing assignment, how do I hand it in? » Poet, posted by Dinah on April 19, 2005, at 20:39:53
> Mine made me read it aloud. :(
Oh no!!!
> As I got better at talking to him, and at reading, he dropped that requirement.Phew!
> There's still one thing I handed him on a folded up post it note, and still refer to as "that thing I told you on the post it note" that he'd still like me to read, I guess. But I won't. I won't even let him unfold it in front of me.Heh heh :-)
You are classic ;-)
Posted by LadyBug on April 19, 2005, at 21:20:35
In reply to T gave a writing assignment, how do I hand it in?, posted by Poet on April 19, 2005, at 20:17:55
My T. tells me to make copies of my journal and mail them to her. That way she has a chance to read over what I have written and it gives us a starting point when I go to my appointment. It really has worked well for us. She understands me better and I feel like we don't waste as much time talking about nothing as we have a lot to talk about from the journal pages I send her.
Maybe your T. would consider something like this. Ask, you have nothing to lose.
I do better when I write anyway, so my feelings come out better.
Good luck with it and don't give up unitl you both figure out what will work best for both of you.LadyBug
Posted by littleone on April 19, 2005, at 21:28:41
In reply to T gave a writing assignment, how do I hand it in?, posted by Poet on April 19, 2005, at 20:17:55
Okay, firstly, I'm not gonna laugh. This stuff is hard and I'm really proud of the way you've progressed in your therapy lately. Think I'll give you a double thumbs up instead. b d
> She responded to my I don't know with a writing assignment.
Oh, I hate it when they do that! "I don't know" is a big defence for me and I'm always spitting it out. Needless to say, I get a lot of writing assignments :(
> That is tough to do, but I have been writing.
Good good good!
> If your T has given you assignments or you keep a journal, do you read it to them, let them read it in front of you or hand it and run?
Normally I photocopy the journal pages and just hand him the copy. Even that was really tough for me early on, but has got a bit easier. Mind you, I still kind of freeze up when he asks for them and then bend down to my bag all kind of slow and creaky. I guess that means it's still tough.
I had holidays recently and didn't have access to the work photocopier and just wasn't organised enough to pay for photocopies somewhere. So I was having to actually hand him my journal and let him read it straight from there. That was really tough. He kind of respects my privacy and won't read other pages if I don't let him, but when he pushes I usually cave in and somehow he always ends up getting more than I intended.
Oh, and I have photos of him that I printed off the internet. They're just loose in the back of my journal, but I'm always careful so they don't slip out. But when he had my journal, they fell out and he talked about them and that was pretty humiliating. So if you have loose stuff, I'd recommend you take it out before your session.
Once I had some really terrible shameful stuff written out. I couldn't even bear to be there when he read it. So I *forgot* to give it to him until I was about to walk out the door. Even that was terribly hard. He read it between sessions and tried to raise it during our next session, but I was pretty closed off. I found it really hard between the sessions to tolerate knowing he had that information. Really drove me round the bend.
I never read my stuff out loud. And he doesn't really push that because he suspects that if I knew I *had* to read it out, I wouldn't write it in the first place.
Alex's idea of mailing is good. I've done this too. When I'm distant from my T, I can think clearer and realise that I do need to give him a particular write up. So then I mail it and I don't have to worry about changing my mind or trying to screw up the courage to do it while I'm in session with him. Although, the instant it leaves my fingers and starts to drop into the mailbox, I think "UGH UGH UGH UGH" and desperately try to catch it before it disappears.
Posted by happyflower on April 19, 2005, at 21:58:23
In reply to Re: T gave a writing assignment, how do I hand it in? » Poet, posted by littleone on April 19, 2005, at 21:28:41
My T doesn't make do the writing, but I journal anyways. Sometimes it is easier to have him read what I write than have to say the stuff out loud. Since I have been doing therapy, my old writing skills from high school are coming out and I am writing poetry after a 20 years dry period. lol
Posted by Shortelise on April 19, 2005, at 23:12:16
In reply to T gave a writing assignment, how do I hand it in?, posted by Poet on April 19, 2005, at 20:17:55
Writing has helped me in therapy in that I have been able to keep track of things, work things out on paper, too, but mostly keep track of things.
I occasionally have read things to him, but mostly I have told him about the things I have written. I do read my dreams to him.
ShortE
Posted by daisym on April 20, 2005, at 1:51:12
In reply to T gave a writing assignment, how do I hand it in?, posted by Poet on April 19, 2005, at 20:17:55
Poet,
I've been a writer since I was a really little kid. There is a need to be honest on paper about my feelings and now, about the stories that need to be told. But it was hard for me at first, because the words on paper made it so much more real. I bet I spent a lot of the first 9 months of therapy saying, "well, in my journal, I said..." But when I finally told him about the csa, he very much used the fact that I journal to gently open things up and give a voice to all parts of me. I don't know if you remember, I used to post my writing assignments. Some of them were sort of illy or fun, others more serious. But it helped me get used to sharing my writings. Now, whenever I'm stuck or really having a hard time telling him something, he reminds me to write.
He likes me to read it to him. I told him it felt like cheating, that I should "just" tell him whatever was in the writings. But he notes that I am very honest in my writings and he likes to hear from those parts of me too. And we have great discussions about small things that I've written down, word choice or even smart alex remarks. Reading used to be hard, sometimes it still is. But I like to read it with him because I'm sometimes surprised at what I've written.
We are now using writing assignments to stay connected. If I'm up in the middle of the night, he wants me to write to him...he wants me to note how old I feel and then let that part tell him what she feels and what she wishes, particularly if she is sad and needing him. So I have started doing this. I don't always take it to him, but it helps me catalog all these confusing feelings.
You can do this, Poet. It is a small way to trust her a little more and a little more. She will hold you and your stories safely. It will take courage, but I know you can do it.
Hugs from me,
Daisy
Posted by whirlpool on April 20, 2005, at 14:16:58
In reply to T gave a writing assignment, how do I hand it in?, posted by Poet on April 19, 2005, at 20:17:55
Poet-
If you give him the written material before you leave, you can add written comments about how and when you would like the issues to be discussed in the following sessions. Perhaps part of the difficulty is knowing the stuff will come up during the next session, and it might be easier if you feel more in control about how soon you will discuss the problems. In the meantime, knowing he had read your journal will be a step in the right direction.
Whirl.
Posted by Poet on April 20, 2005, at 22:27:04
In reply to Re: T gave a writing assignment, how do I hand it in? » Poet, posted by alexandra_k on April 19, 2005, at 20:36:57
Hi Alexandra,
My T once emailed me a link to a website, but never said that I could email her anything.
I have snail mailed her stuff, but when she referenced it, I wouldn't talk about it. With email I might be able to write back a response which seems less threatening. I'll have to get up the courage to ask about an email option.
Thanks,
Poet
Posted by Poet on April 20, 2005, at 22:31:37
In reply to Re: T gave a writing assignment, how do I hand it in? » Poet, posted by Dinah on April 19, 2005, at 20:39:53
Hi Dinah,
I'm glad your T dropped the reading out loud requirement. I don't have a folded up post it note, but there is something my T refers to as *that thing you won't say.*
So far I plan to photocopy my notes if I can do it at temp job tomorrow, otherwise hand her the originals to be read silently.
Poet
Posted by Poet on April 20, 2005, at 22:34:44
In reply to Re: T gave a writing assignment, how do I hand it, posted by LadyBug on April 19, 2005, at 21:20:35
Hi LadyBug,
I'm trying hard to stick with writing. I do write better than I talk (in therapy anyway, I just clam up...) I did mail her my first notes, but then refused to talk about them, which is probably why she wasn't happy that I brought notes and then refused to let her see or hear them.
I'm glad that you and your T found a good way to share your journal. I hope my T and I find one, too.
Thanks,
Poet
Posted by Poet on April 20, 2005, at 22:42:48
In reply to Re: T gave a writing assignment, how do I hand it in? » Poet, posted by littleone on April 19, 2005, at 21:28:41
Hi littleone,
I like your idea of photocopying notes. Then I'd have the originals. If I can sneak in copies at temp job tomorrow I will. When I was letting her read them I ripped out the originals and handed them to her on the way out. I did mail some of them, so that hopefully is still an option.
It's too late to mail them, so hopefully she'll just ask for them at the end of the session, that's what she was doing until I started refusing to leave her anything.
I just don't want to have to read them out loud. I hated doing that in school, I'll take a failing grade in therapy note sharing.
Thanks for your help. I am going to get through this.
Poet
Posted by Poet on April 20, 2005, at 22:48:05
In reply to Re: T gave a writing assignment, how do I hand it in?, posted by happyflower on April 19, 2005, at 21:58:23
Hi Happyflower,
I would much rather she read it, hopefully when I am not there. I had been ripping out my originals and leaving them with her (mailed them once) but hopefully I can photocopy them. Only until I get up the courage to read them, which could take years.
I barely talk in therapy after 2 1/2 years.
My poetry writing comes and goes, I'm glad you've got your creativity back. I have let my T read some of my poems, you might let yours read some of yours. Not in front of you of course, if you can do that, you are way braver than I am.
Thanks,
Poet
Posted by Poet on April 20, 2005, at 22:53:52
In reply to Re: T gave a writing assignment, how do I hand it in? » Poet, posted by Shortelise on April 19, 2005, at 23:12:16
Hi ShortE,
I have read her my dreams, she loves to hear dreams. It's the stuff I consciously put down on paper that I just don't want her to hear/see.
I hope that I can start using writing to help me, not just try to hide it or behind it. Thanks for your expertise.
Poet
Posted by Poet on April 20, 2005, at 23:08:49
In reply to Your MAKE yourself! » Poet, posted by daisym on April 20, 2005, at 1:51:12
Hi Daisy,
I don't wanna! Cyber space temper tantrum.
I remember your homework posts, some were silly and fun, and others serious. I hope I get some silly and fun ones, I am scared of the one that will be about my brother.
T keeps telling me to write, it's something I'm *good at.* I do consider myself a good writer, but one that edits it until it's the best version. This not crossing out stuff is hard, but I have to admit more true to what I am feeling.
I will try to force myself to share my assignment on my mother with my T. Even if I just hand it to her and run, it's an improvement over bringing notes and refusing to share them in any way. This is an assignment, I have to turn it in or I'll fail. I hate failure! Probably why she gave an assignment, she knows that I will do it, even if I don't want to.
I will email you when I am ready to rehearse what we talked about last week in open. I'm definitely not ready now.
Time for an Ambien, got to be that happy, peppy temp tomorrow. My assignment is probably ending next week. I'm already feeling the old career failure/rejection self hatred. It'll give me more time to babble, that's something good, I guess.
Take care, I know you're not having an easy time right now, and I appreciate you wanting to help me. Hopefully I can help you in return.
Poet
Posted by Poet on April 20, 2005, at 23:14:02
In reply to Re: T gave a writing assignment, how do I hand it in?, posted by whirlpool on April 20, 2005, at 14:16:58
Hi Whirl,
I didn't think about writing comments on how I'd like the issues to be discussed in the following sesssions. She is always saying that I'm in control, this way she has the notes, but I still have a way not to talk until I'm ready. Hmm, I like this.
Thanks for the idea. Even if I give them to her to read in front of me, the comments will be there. If I have to read out loud (NOOOOO!) I could tell her upfront what I wrote about talking more.
Poet
Posted by happyflower on April 21, 2005, at 8:28:26
In reply to Re: T gave a writing assignment, how do I hand it in? » happyflower, posted by Poet on April 20, 2005, at 22:48:05
Yes, Poet, I let him read everything! lol He even asked if he could share one of my poems to some of his EMDR shrinks. Maybe I will share that one with babble. :) It really explains my pain.
Posted by littleone on April 21, 2005, at 15:48:19
In reply to Re: T gave a writing assignment, how do I hand it in? » littleone, posted by Poet on April 20, 2005, at 22:42:48
> When I was letting her read them I ripped out the originals and handed them to her on the way out.
I've only ever done that once, but never again! I forget exactly what I've written and then obsess over it all big time. Worry about what I've revealed to him. At least if I've still got the originals I can always look back at them if need be.
Also, sometimes it's nice to read your earlier stuff and see how you've progressed or what thoughts have changed. You can't do that if you're handing her the originals.
> Thanks for your help. I am going to get through this.
I know you will. And to help you along, I have all my fingers and toes crossed. At least, I will once I stop typing :)
Posted by Dinah on April 21, 2005, at 16:02:52
In reply to Re: T gave a writing assignment, how do I hand it in? » littleone, posted by Poet on April 20, 2005, at 22:42:48
Posted by Poet on April 21, 2005, at 23:09:40
In reply to Good luck! (nm) » Poet, posted by Dinah on April 21, 2005, at 16:02:52
I brought my journal (I guess I should call it that) and a photocopy of my *assignment.*
As I was sitting down, I dropped the copy on the floor. I quick snatched it up, she said *did you think I was going to grab that away from you.* I said, maybe, she said *I'd never take anything you bring in without your permission, besides you were closer to it, I'd have had to get up from my chair.* That made me laugh and broke the tension.
She didn't refer back to it, at the end of the session, I asked *do you want this?* She said, *I always want to see what you wrote.*
I can mail it, too. She doesn't like to use email, I think it's because it would be so easy for me to fix it as I write it, but I didn't say that. In case that isn't why, and she might let me in the future. ;)
Besides my handwriting is terrible, it's more of a challenge.
Poet
Posted by alexandra_k on April 22, 2005, at 1:19:55
In reply to Handed copy to her at end of session, posted by Poet on April 21, 2005, at 23:09:40
Phew.
Was it so very bad?
Mailing sounds good.
I think my p-doc is beginning to regret having given me his email address...
Posted by fallsfall on April 22, 2005, at 7:16:35
In reply to Handed copy to her at end of session, posted by Poet on April 21, 2005, at 23:09:40
Excellent! Good for you!
Her "did you think I was going to grab it" comment is SOOO "therapist-esque"
Posted by shrinking violet on April 22, 2005, at 10:24:31
In reply to Handed copy to her at end of session, posted by Poet on April 21, 2005, at 23:09:40
{{{{{{{{{{poet}}}}}}}}}
I know that was hard for you.....I'm so proud of you.
Hm, when I used to bring in writings for my T, she would almost visibly "itch" for them. She would read them herself, not patient enough to wait for me to decide whether I wanted her to read them or not. ;-) And, once or twice, she almost went over to my purse and snatched them!
Again, I'm proud of you. I hope you're pleased with yourself too.
Peace,
SV
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