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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 5 of 5. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by messadivoce on March 10, 2005, at 2:48:53
I've felt so down lately. Just sad for no particular reason. I wonder why...then I realized again that I lost my T not too long ago. So no wonder. And that horrible meeting I had, with that terrible, bitchy, soulless VP. She just didn't care. Am I allowed to hate her?? To hope she gets hit by a bus or eaten by ants??
You all said I'm so strong. I don't feel strong though. I feel broken, sad, abandoned. I just want my T back. I was talking to her on the phone a few weeks ago and I said, "I don't understand why this keeps happening." (Being left). She said, "It's certainly nothing you've done." But I don't believe that. Something must be wrong with me, if people keep leaving. I must have done something. What?? Will I pay for it the rest of my life??
My T has not answered her e-mail in a week, but I know she is assisting a friend who had sugery yesterday. I don't know when she'll reply. I miss her so much. And my old T too. Who I am certainly not over, not at all.
Posted by Susan47 on March 10, 2005, at 9:50:14
In reply to Wake me up when it's over...., posted by messadivoce on March 10, 2005, at 2:48:53
Whatever bad luck is causing you to be left by your T's, it's NOT your fault. Even if you honestly believe anything you've done caused them to leave you, which I sincerely doubt.
When our minds are messed up by trauma, we all do or say things we don't understand or will see differently later when we're able to think clearly.
I spent the majority of my life not being able to think. I don't know how I stayed off the streets, how I managed survival at a decent level. I believe now that there was one person in particular, and many others along the way, who understood I needed protection, and they afforded me that. My brain is finally beginning to come out of the shadows. It's being able to put pieces together and comprehend the world in a different manner. And I can see how my past behaviours were dysfunctional but I don't even need to forgive myself for that, because I know I was helpless.
So even if you believe now that it's your fault, Voce, I hope the day comes when you can clearly see that it isn't.
Posted by Susan47 on March 10, 2005, at 10:19:54
In reply to Wake me up when it's over...., posted by messadivoce on March 10, 2005, at 2:48:53
You've been through hell Voce, and you've stuck up not only for yourself, but for others as well, through your actions. Your courage at bringing about a meeting and going through with it, and stating how you felt about what happened to you and to others, will have had an effect. Perhaps even last night that VP was having nightmares about the meeting. Well, there's a good bit of revenge, and it's a lot more likely than her being hit by a bus, 'cause you KNOW people dream about stuff even if they refuse to think about it. That is, unless they're in a certain mental state. I believe there is a mental state that precludes dreaming or the remembrance of dreams ...
Posted by pinkeye on March 10, 2005, at 14:58:17
In reply to Wake me up when it's over...., posted by messadivoce on March 10, 2005, at 2:48:53
I am sorry for what you are going through.
Take care, and it will get better.
Remember I suggested that to you not to go to this meeting? It was only to prevent this kind of aftershock. But you are brave, so hang on.
Think of the life you will be having once you finish your school and get to work and marry. That will keep you away from thinking about this.
Posted by Aphrodite on March 11, 2005, at 11:42:43
In reply to Wake me up when it's over...., posted by messadivoce on March 10, 2005, at 2:48:53
> I've felt so down lately. Just sad for no particular reason. I wonder why...then I realized again that I lost my T not too long ago. So no wonder. And that horrible meeting I had, with that terrible, bitchy, soulless VP. She just didn't care. Am I allowed to hate her?? To hope she gets hit by a bus or eaten by ants??
Absolutely!! You have every right to be angry.
>
> You all said I'm so strong. I don't feel strong though. I feel broken, sad, abandoned. I just want my T back. I was talking to her on the phone a few weeks ago and I said, "I don't understand why this keeps happening." (Being left). She said, "It's certainly nothing you've done." But I don't believe that. Something must be wrong with me, if people keep leaving. I must have done something. What?? Will I pay for it the rest of my life??I know it's hard not to think that it is *you*, but it is not. Your T was very concerned about you and would have never wished for it to end this way.
>
> My T has not answered her e-mail in a week, but I know she is assisting a friend who had sugery yesterday. I don't know when she'll reply. I miss her so much. And my old T too. Who I am certainly not over, not at all.
>
>
Wow -- a double whammy. No wonder you do not feel strong. I hope she will respond and become a part of helping you know what to do next.I'm so sorry.
This is the end of the thread.
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