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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
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Posted by alexandra_k on February 28, 2005, at 17:23:08
In reply to Re: More Freud stuff ...and new insight ***trigger**** » alexandra_k, posted by Dinah on February 28, 2005, at 9:56:24
I hate clothes shopping. I have no idea what size I am. Well, I could be one of about three different sizes. Bigger on my top half than my bottom half too.. I guess different brands size things a bit differently as well...
But I hate it.
I tend to buy things either a bit too big or a bit too small. Even though I try them on. I just can't gage it quite right...
Yeah, I sympathise with the 'tent look'. I have a lot of oversized t-shirts. And really baggy tracksuit pants. I wore them when I was my most overweight. They concealed me rather :-)
I really do hate clothes shopping...
Posted by gardenergirl on March 1, 2005, at 7:02:07
In reply to Re: More Freud stuff ...and new insight ***trigger****, posted by Speaker on February 27, 2005, at 16:55:19
> I'm so glad you are connecting with your T and trust him enough to talk about the big S word!
Thanks, it feels surprisingly good.
> My father was just like your..."If God wanted holes in your head he would have put them there". My parents never went to church except for weddings so I also knew that had nothing to do with his attitude. I always thought it was a control issue as he was a very in charge kind of guy...but a really good dad otherwise.
Yeah, my mom always said it was due to his religious beliefs, but I never heard him ever talk about religion. Maybe he did to her, but I doubt it given their different backgrounds and lack of communication skills. But who knows?
>
> I was also raped (I've never even typed that or talked about that yet...seems odd to see that in print)and I gained weight very consiously wanting to but unattractive.Wow, are you okay after having written this? (((Marie))) I remember very clearly the first time I acknowledged what happened as rape. It was a date-like scenario, so I had lots of doubts and guilt (still do when I am letting my emotions rule). I also remember a lovely girl saying to me with a sad smile after I told her, "welcome to the club" and hugging me. It's sad that anyone else ever has to "qualify for membership", but it is helpful to know that others understand personally. (Please know she was not being at all insensitive. It's hard to convey that moment in print.)
>I dealt with csa and in high school I also gained weight for the same reason. For me when I did have children it was like I was so busy that I lost the weight and busy enough I just set aside my issues. You never know children might be a break from some of this for you :). I always say if denial works go for it as it never lasts long enough.
Hmmm, now if only I could get pregnant in new and mysterious ways, since the current method is not working well, mostly for lack of trying. :-/
>
> It sounds like you are making some great progress and I'm so glad for you! You make me miss my old T as I had a very open relationship with him too.
> Keep up the good work....blessings!
>
> MarieThanks for your post. I'm grateful for the support.
gg
Posted by gardenergirl on March 1, 2005, at 7:03:56
In reply to Re: More Freud stuff ...and new insight ***trigger**** » gardenergirl, posted by alexandra_k on February 28, 2005, at 3:47:46
> You would fit right in with Tainui (a maori tribe). Women are supposed to have a blanket over them when they are lying down. It has to do with modesty. I feel uncomfortable uncovered too.
LOL, somehow I think my very pale skin and red hair might get noticed, blanket or not. :)
Thanks,
gg
Posted by gardenergirl on March 1, 2005, at 7:09:59
In reply to Re: More Freud stuff ...and new insight ***trigger**** » gardenergirl, posted by alexandra_k on February 28, 2005, at 3:54:27
Ugh, swimsuits! I hate hate hate them. I always wear some nylon shorts with my suit. And I wore a bikini once when I was thin and my hubby and I were still dating. I didn't like the reaction I got from his brother, who I think was just trying to compliment me. I forget what he said, but sheesh, you aren't supposed to tell me you noticed, unless you are my sweetie! Anyway, no more bikinis for me, for that and other reasons (about 50+ of them).
Incidentally, I saw my GP yesterday, and we decided to up my thyroid meds (actually switching to Armour, but also upping the dose). I think recent extra 10 pounds or so are related to low thyroid function. Plus he gave me Topamax samples, but I want to wait til I see my pdoc on Friday before I take that for weight loss. But my insight has me feeling a bit more motivated to get healthy, even if that means getting a bit more attractive.
>
> I have heard that sex is supposed to be an act of agression. But not always. Is it???Well, I really hate that I feel that way about it. I never did prior to the rape. I even feel that way now about sex with my hubby, who is being very very understanding. Although I suppose it gets him off the hook for working on his own sex issues. ;)
But it is a very personal intrusion on your personal space. At least if invited, it's not a violation, but still a very personal space issue.
gg
Posted by gardenergirl on March 1, 2005, at 7:13:49
In reply to Re: More Freud stuff ...and new insight ***trigger**** » Dinah, posted by alexandra_k on February 28, 2005, at 17:23:08
> I hate clothes shopping.
Me too. I do 75% of mine on the internet. The other 25% I am not very likely to try stuff on, even if I'm right there in the store. It makes for a lot of returns. :(
gg
Posted by Dinah on March 1, 2005, at 9:32:17
In reply to Re: More Freud stuff ...and new insight ***trigger**** » alexandra_k, posted by gardenergirl on March 1, 2005, at 7:13:49
I'm exactly like that. I think my catalog return shipping fees are higher than my clothing costs.
Posted by Dinah on March 1, 2005, at 9:36:27
In reply to Re: More Freud stuff ...and new insight ***trigger**** » alexandra_k, posted by gardenergirl on March 1, 2005, at 7:09:59
> But it is a very personal intrusion on your personal space. At least if invited, it's not a violation, but still a very personal space issue.
>
> gg
>If I could improve to that point of thinking, I'd be a lot better off. Part of me does feel that way, I guess, but another part feels like, invited or not, it's a violation. Maybe only part of me wholeheartedly feels like I've made the invitation.
Posted by Susan47 on March 1, 2005, at 10:43:02
In reply to Re: More Freud stuff ...and new insight ***trigger****, posted by gardenergirl on March 1, 2005, at 7:02:07
GG, everybody else here who posted about their rapes.. if you are triggered about the guy, don't read this, because yes, I was raped as well.
It was date rape. I was eighteen.
I pretended it didn't happen. I actually put it out of my mind. But the fact is, I've had enormous trouble with sex ever since. Cannot reach the pinnacle with anyone. No trust. No trust. None.This man was such a pig. Such a big enormous pig, very brutal. A brute. But I tell myself men aren't really like that. And I've loved men since, I've learned to love them. And myself. I was innocent.
Posted by Susan47 on March 1, 2005, at 12:12:59
In reply to ****TRIGGERS****, posted by Susan47 on March 1, 2005, at 10:43:02
Oh dear, and I've realized just now that I'm coming up this year to the thirtieth anniversary of that. It happened in the fall, I think. Yes, September. Oh dear. I thought I'd forgotten all this stuff. Oh God oh dear oh man. Thank somebody that I have this therapist, but she's a woman and that's okay but women see things differently and it wasn't a woman that did this to me. It wasn't, it was a man. And I'm a sexual woman. I like sex, always have,except when I was repulsed by it, which I dont' think I realized I was until an experience I couldn't ignore happened. Oh dear, I don't think it's safe to go with this on the boards. This wouldn't be safe.
Posted by Aphrodite on March 1, 2005, at 14:01:45
In reply to More Freud stuff ...and new insight ***trigger****, posted by gardenergirl on February 26, 2005, at 23:54:10
I am late to your thread, GG, but just wanted to mention a couple of things. . .
First, I admire that you can discuss this with your T. There's no way I could, so that really speaks to the depth of your connection with him.
Secondly, I have thyroid issues as well and I don't know if you buy this kind of stuff (I'm not sure even I do), but many alternative healers who believe in mind-body connection say that thyroid disorders are a disruption of the second chakra which arises because of the inability to speak for oneself, or feeling silent. I also get a lot of sore throats, etc. which are also supposedly indicative of not being able to "tell" or "talk." It also kind of explains why women deal with thyroid disorders much more than men.
Lastly and most importantly, I just want to say how sorry I am for what happened to you and the understandable effects it has had on your daily life and how you see yourself. I am so glad you have a wonderful T to help you heal.
No great insight -- I just wanted to let you know you are in my heart.
Posted by alexandra_k on March 1, 2005, at 14:33:58
In reply to Re: More Freud stuff ...and new insight ***trigger**** » alexandra_k, posted by gardenergirl on March 1, 2005, at 7:09:59
>LOL, somehow I think my very pale skin and red hair might get noticed, blanket or not. :)
There aren't any full blooded Maori around anymore. All of them have the odd European (at the very least) in their ansestry now. That means some are lighter than others, and some even have red hair. There are also people who have been adopted by Maori (either when they were children or just by marrying someone in touch with their culture). I knew a lady who was very very scottish (blonde hair and blue eyes and freckles) who had a crap childhood, married someone of Maori ansestry and now considers herself Maori - and they accepted her fine.
> I didn't like the reaction I got from his brother, who I think was just trying to compliment me. I forget what he said, but sheesh, you aren't supposed to tell me you noticed, unless you are my sweetie!
Yeah, I understand.
> But my insight has me feeling a bit more motivated to get healthy, even if that means getting a bit more attractive.Yeah. I have decided to try to lose weight too (by eating healthier in my case).
> Well, I really hate that I feel that way about it. I never did prior to the rape. I even feel that way now about sex with my hubby, who is being very very understanding.Yeah. I understand.
> But it is a very personal intrusion on your personal space. At least if invited, it's not a violation, but still a very personal space issue.Yes. Though if it is invited then I guess I wouldn't see it as an 'intrusion'. But I think I get you. Once you have been intruded upon that way I guess it is hard to see it differently.
I am sorry that that happened to you. And to others as well. I don't know what to say.
Posted by Susan47 on March 1, 2005, at 15:11:00
In reply to Re: More Freud stuff ...and new insight ***trigger**** » Dinah, posted by gardenergirl on February 27, 2005, at 9:46:26
Oh wow I never heard anyone say that before, isn't that strange. That's similar to my experiences growing up too. I felt like hiding myself away and just wanted to tell my dad to f*ck off and die. He did stuff like walk in on us when we were bathing and once he had the idiocy to call a neighbour in to come and see my long legs. What an idiot *sshole.
I'm sorry about the bad language, gg. Please forgive me.
Posted by Susan47 on March 1, 2005, at 15:14:27
In reply to Re: More Freud stuff ...and new insight ***trigger**** » annierose, posted by gardenergirl on February 27, 2005, at 9:57:06
I never thought of the aggressive aspect of sex, the violence, what happened to me, as being the reason it turns me off so easily but of Course that must be part of it, the motions of sex themselves can be violent and then the trauma of being used like that so hurtfully, so much pain, god I remember I screamed.
Posted by Susan47 on March 1, 2005, at 15:15:21
In reply to ***MAJOR TRIGGER, Sorry it being here****, posted by Susan47 on March 1, 2005, at 15:14:27
Oh dear now I think I need to phone my ex-T listen to his voice, oh dear oh
Posted by Susan47 on March 1, 2005, at 15:16:46
In reply to Re: ***MAJOR TRIGGER, Sorry it being here****, posted by Susan47 on March 1, 2005, at 15:15:21
I can't find the phone. That's good I guess. I'm breathing deeply and I'm going to do my homework.
Posted by Susan47 on March 1, 2005, at 15:27:40
In reply to Re: ***MAJOR TRIGGER, Sorry it being here****, posted by Susan47 on March 1, 2005, at 15:16:46
Ever been in an accident? Ever seen one? You know how you remember the sound of the accident for days? The scream was like that. It echoed in my head for days. That sound. I remember that now, too. Not the sound, but the remembrance of the sound. Like my soul was echoing it back to me as a reflection of who I'd become .. frightened.
Posted by alexandra_k on March 1, 2005, at 16:54:50
In reply to Re: ***MAJOR TRIGGER, Sorry it being here****, posted by Susan47 on March 1, 2005, at 15:27:40
Posted by pinkeye on March 1, 2005, at 17:00:49
In reply to Re: ***MAJOR TRIGGER, Sorry it being here****, posted by Susan47 on March 1, 2005, at 15:27:40
I am so very sorry for what you had to go through. I cannot comprehend the pain that must have caused you. I am really really sorry.
Posted by gardenergirl on March 1, 2005, at 22:34:28
In reply to Re: More Freud stuff ...and new insight ***trigger**** » gardenergirl, posted by Dinah on March 1, 2005, at 9:32:17
Yep, and just got something else that needs to be returned. A wrap dress that looks like it's way too low cut. Don't need boobage going on for the purpose of this dress (wearing to a banquet at a professional conference).
gg
Posted by gardenergirl on March 1, 2005, at 22:39:56
In reply to Re: More Freud stuff ...and new insight ***trigger**** » gardenergirl, posted by Dinah on March 1, 2005, at 9:36:27
You mean you don't use engraved invitations? Huh. I've got to simplify my life.
giggle
But seriously, yeah, even if I am willing and eager, it still hurts at the intial part, and that feels yucky.
gg
Posted by gardenergirl on March 1, 2005, at 22:41:58
In reply to ****TRIGGERS****, posted by Susan47 on March 1, 2005, at 10:43:02
I wish we didn't have that in common.
Take care of yourself, sweets.
gg
Posted by gardenergirl on March 1, 2005, at 22:58:44
In reply to Re: More Freud stuff ...and new insight ***trigger » gardenergirl, posted by Aphrodite on March 1, 2005, at 14:01:45
Oh golly, your post brought tears to my eyes. Thank you.
And about the 2nd chakra...interesting. I always have to cough and clear my throat before I start my sessions. I should meditate on my chakras and see what happens.
Take care,
gg
Posted by daisym on March 2, 2005, at 1:16:42
In reply to Re: More Freud stuff ...and new insight ***trigger » Aphrodite, posted by gardenergirl on March 1, 2005, at 22:58:44
I find it intensely interesting that shopping got mixed up in this thread. I don't link the two...shopping is an escape for me. I could spend hours trying on clothes. :)
I don't have much to add as far as sex goes. I'm sure you've done the basics, change positions, etc. etc. I guess I've never thought of it as an intrusion before, but more about being "used" which is really old. Especially right now, since we are on different planets about this and he finds it soothing and settling and it sends me off the deep end.
I'm curious as to how you talk about sex with your therapist. Mine will say, "make love" or "get into it" or just plain "having sex" but almost never "intercourse". Sometimes we use proper terms, especially about body parts, but occasionally we get loose and use slang. (He swears about as much as I do, though I find it amusing sometimes.)Do you find you are using different words as a client than you do as a therapist?
Full of questions tonight -- feel free to ignore me.
Posted by gardenergirl on March 3, 2005, at 0:06:16
In reply to Re: More Freud stuff ...and new insight ***trigger**** » gardenergirl, posted by alexandra_k on March 1, 2005, at 14:33:58
Not knowing what to say is okay. It's a hard topic. My T's been doing a good job of saying supportive and validating things. Even the ones I try to make light of.
gg
Posted by gardenergirl on March 3, 2005, at 0:16:57
In reply to Sex and Shopping, posted by daisym on March 2, 2005, at 1:16:42
> I find it intensely interesting that shopping got mixed up in this thread. I don't link the two...shopping is an escape for me. I could spend hours trying on clothes. :)
Yuck and double yuck. Unless someone brought them to me. And helped me off with my shoes. And brought me a latte and cookies. :D
>
> I don't have much to add as far as sex goes. I'm sure you've done the basics, change positions, etc. etc.I think we actually could do more experimenting. We both agree that there are certain techniques we both dislike. Now to find what we both like...
>I guess I've never thought of it as an intrusion before, but more about being "used" which is really old. Especially right now, since we are on different planets about this and he finds it soothing and settling and it sends me off the deep end.
Ugh, I wouldn't like that feeling either. I guess when I think intrusion I am thinking of the specific penetration part. I mean, it's someone inside your body. That's about as intrusive, physically, as you can get. But that doesn't mean it's always bad. I think that word stays with me as much because of the intial pain. But I'm thinking that practice and increased frequency, should that ever occur, might also help with that. I'm kinda tender, you know? (sheesh, I can't believe I am talking about this in a public place!)
>
> I'm curious as to how you talk about sex with your therapist. Mine will say, "make love" or "get into it" or just plain "having sex" but almost never "intercourse". Sometimes we use proper terms, especially about body parts, but occasionally we get loose and use slang. (He swears about as much as I do, though I find it amusing sometimes.)Do you find you are using different words as a client than you do as a therapist?Um, I probably tend to use more clinical terms with clients when I want to be really sure what they are saying. But otherwise, I'll use what they use, although perhaps not swearing. I'm not much of a swearer except for the little words. And even then, it's more often poopy and darn and fudge. With my T, well, I suppose we use whatever works. I'm not remembering actual dialog at this point. Perhaps some euphemisms. But golly I did use some pretty specific terms at times, too. Probably painted an interesting picture. LOL.
>
> Full of questions tonight -- feel free to ignore me.Never.
gg
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