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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 25 of 35. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by rainbowbrite on February 19, 2005, at 9:53:43
I think I am about to throw in the towel, I have been thinking about therapy and I really don't feel like my therapist is useful AT ALL. Just expensive. I just read a post that sounded like my T and it has helped me to realize that not all Ts are good. In fact I think some are truely not invested in their clients and only for financial gain. I don't care if my T likes me or thinks about me, All I want is to know that I am getting what I pay for! Knowlegde and guidnece and a safe place to discuss. I don't feel attached in anyway to my T, I wouldn't really miss my T if I had to stop, I don't think about my T per se, out of therapy. ONLY how I will get through some of my issues, does that make sense? My T obviously has a part in that, but if I could do what is needed to get past my screwed up psyche by talking to a cat than I would. And I think a cat would give more reasurrance than my T. grrr! I have an upcoming apointment and I think it will be termination time. I just need some advice or something. How do I do this? I have spoken about my T many times before but I feel like Im getting nowhere. Of course I am part of the mess, but a therapist is trained, the patient is not trained to be a perfect patient. My life would be wonderful if I could just get past one thing (at least I think so)And I can't keep doing this it is becoming exhausting :(
Thanks for any help!
Posted by TamaraJ on February 19, 2005, at 13:32:32
In reply to NO therapy success??, posted by rainbowbrite on February 19, 2005, at 9:53:43
Hi Rain,
I was starting to worry about you because I hadn't seen you post for a while. Good to see you!:-)
Anyway, I am sorry about your therapy dilema. I am certainly no expert, but I will offer up something until more knowledgeable people repond to your post. So, here goes. It sounds like it just isn't a good fit between you and your current therapist. If you feel you are getting nowhere and your therapist is not able to bring you along, then you are right - you are paying a lot of money just to have a "gab session". That being said, it sounds like you feel you would benefit from therapy. So, maybe as a first step you could be open with your current therapist about what you see as her limitations and inadquacies in terms of your particular situation (obviously you won't want to be that blunt). And, you might want to start shopping around for a new therapist that will more appropriately and adequately meet your needs. I don't know if this is possible, but perhaps you can call a few therapists and have a brief discussion with them on the phone about your needs and goals to see if one appears to you to be in a position to meet your expectations.
I wish you the best. You obviously have a tough decision to make. Good luck, and take good care of yourself.
Tamara
(formerly jujube)
> I think I am about to throw in the towel, I have been thinking about therapy and I really don't feel like my therapist is useful AT ALL. Just expensive. I just read a post that sounded like my T and it has helped me to realize that not all Ts are good. In fact I think some are truely not invested in their clients and only for financial gain. I don't care if my T likes me or thinks about me, All I want is to know that I am getting what I pay for! Knowlegde and guidnece and a safe place to discuss. I don't feel attached in anyway to my T, I wouldn't really miss my T if I had to stop, I don't think about my T per se, out of therapy. ONLY how I will get through some of my issues, does that make sense? My T obviously has a part in that, but if I could do what is needed to get past my screwed up psyche by talking to a cat than I would. And I think a cat would give more reasurrance than my T. grrr! I have an upcoming apointment and I think it will be termination time. I just need some advice or something. How do I do this? I have spoken about my T many times before but I feel like Im getting nowhere. Of course I am part of the mess, but a therapist is trained, the patient is not trained to be a perfect patient. My life would be wonderful if I could just get past one thing (at least I think so)And I can't keep doing this it is becoming exhausting :(
> Thanks for any help!
Posted by rainbowbrite on February 19, 2005, at 14:04:46
In reply to Re: NO therapy success?? » rainbowbrite, posted by TamaraJ on February 19, 2005, at 13:32:32
HI JUJUBE/Tamara!
I was wondering who the heck was writing me lol. Im glad to see you too!
That is great advice.
I should have put some time intofinding a T to begin with but I just didnt want to have to search, so tiring and time consuming (prolly not really), but maybe I should do it now. I get the feeling most people do that...I lol sorta just pulled my Ts name out of a hat.
HAHA asking about my Ts inadequacies I would love to do!! lol But its so hard! Its so frustrating sitting there and talking about something with the other person squirming accross from you. I am the one who should squirm! I have no idea what to say or how to say without being insulting.
And if I do terminate it this week....how do I do it? It over between us lol....seriously, have you ever had to? It feels like such a big decision but I know it shouldn't.I feel like a broken record with this subject :( I just want and need help and I can't seem to get it. I truely feel like a failure in my own therapy.
Thanks so much :-)
....why not jujube anymore?
Posted by TamaraJ on February 19, 2005, at 14:22:44
In reply to Re: NO therapy success??, posted by rainbowbrite on February 19, 2005, at 14:04:46
Maybe you can make some inquiries and talk to others who have been in therapy to get some recommendations (word of mouth type of thing) for good therapists. Then proceed from there.
As for telling your therapist how you feel, perhaps you can write a letter about how you are feeling and drop it off at her office (in an envelope TO BE OPENED BY ADDRESSEE ONLY so it is not opened by someone else) in advance of your next appointment. This would give her the chance to absorb what you have said and deal with it in (hopefully) a rational and non-defensive manner. And, it would save you any immediate discomfort. I don't know, just a thought.
Don't ever feel like a failure, (there are no failures in this world, particularly when one continues to try to improve herself). What works for one will not necessarily work another. All we can do is keep trying to find a good fit and take it from there. So, you will get it right for you and your situation when you are with the right therapist or when your current therapist is able to adjust to meet your needs.
Take care Rain :-). And, good luck with your decision. My thoughts are with you.
Tamara
(P.S.: I changed my name because I always use "Tamara" at the end of my posts, so it was silly (to me) to continue to use jujube as a posting name.)
Posted by rainbowbrite on February 19, 2005, at 14:42:03
In reply to Re: NO therapy success?? » rainbowbrite, posted by TamaraJ on February 19, 2005, at 14:22:44
>Don't ever feel like a failure, (there are no failures in this world, particularly when one continues to try to improve herself). What works for one will not necessarily work another. All we can do is keep trying to find a good fit and take it from there. So, you will get it right for you and your situation when you are with the right therapist or when your current therapist is able to adjust to meet your needs.
Thanks Tamara, I really appreciate that.
When therapy is going down hill it is hard to think positively about it. and I often do start blaming myself. this is a different way to look at it though.I think I am pretty cerain in my mind at least that I am quitting this week. I am hopefuly going to build the courage to do it in person (gasp).
but I wonder how long it will take me to actually DO it out loud? maybe a month or 2 lolThanks for the support. How is your arm doing?
rain
Posted by TamaraJ on February 19, 2005, at 14:51:29
In reply to Re: NO therapy success?? » TamaraJ, posted by rainbowbrite on February 19, 2005, at 14:42:03
My pleasure :-). And, if you can do it in person, all the better. It can only help you build the confidence to deal with uncomfortable situations in the future. I guess you could think of it as a personal growth and learning experience to draw on for the future.
My arm is healing well. Thanks for asking. The cast came off and the pins were removed a couple of weeks ago. So now I am just getting used to using it again. I am slowly getting my range of motion back, so I am happy about that (although trying to use the hand to eat soup or yogurt is, at this point, a messy, sloppy experience! I am going to have to invest in a bib :-)).
Take care of yourself. Talk to you again.
Tamara
Posted by TamaraJ on February 19, 2005, at 14:57:05
In reply to Re: NO therapy success?? » rainbowbrite, posted by TamaraJ on February 19, 2005, at 14:51:29
have you spoken to or heard from Fallen? If you are talking to her, please say Hi to her for me and let her know that I am thinking of her and hoping all is well.
Tamara
Posted by TamaraJ on February 19, 2005, at 15:02:23
In reply to Re: By the way . . . » TamaraJ, posted by TamaraJ on February 19, 2005, at 14:57:05
Posted by rainbowbrite on February 19, 2005, at 15:12:56
In reply to Re: NO therapy success?? » rainbowbrite, posted by TamaraJ on February 19, 2005, at 14:51:29
That sounds painful :S pins! ouch. I can picture you spilling all over yourself lol. I don't even need a broken arm to spill all over me I do it is an innate gift of mine :)
And I agree with doing it in person, it can only build strength. BUT ugh! SO hard!
Posted by rainbowbrite on February 19, 2005, at 15:14:36
In reply to Re: By the way . . . » TamaraJ, posted by TamaraJ on February 19, 2005, at 14:57:05
I will for sure
Rain :)
Posted by TamaraJ on February 19, 2005, at 15:18:28
In reply to Re: NO therapy success?? » TamaraJ, posted by rainbowbrite on February 19, 2005, at 15:12:56
LOL! I don't need a fractured wrist either to spill all over myself. H*ll, I even spill all over myself taking a sip of water :-) (you know, the dribble down the side of your face sip :-) Always embarrassing - YIPES, I'm an uncultured spaz!)
Strength to you Rain. Be well.
Tamara
Posted by rainbowbrite on February 19, 2005, at 15:24:42
In reply to Re: NO therapy success?? » rainbowbrite, posted by TamaraJ on February 19, 2005, at 15:18:28
HAHA you made me lol
I am too, I try so hard not to be, no luck. im a clutz!
i have a hole in my cheek AND there is always a hole in any glass or bowl or even plate I use. Some one is out to get me LOL
Posted by TamaraJ on February 19, 2005, at 15:53:08
In reply to Re: NO therapy success?? » TamaraJ, posted by rainbowbrite on February 19, 2005, at 15:24:42
Posted by Dinah on February 19, 2005, at 20:07:28
In reply to NO therapy success??, posted by rainbowbrite on February 19, 2005, at 9:53:43
Well, you know what your desired outcome is. Do you have any preferance as to therapeutic approaches? What did and didn't work with this therapist?
You sound as if you're in a pretty good position to go therapist shopping, if you decide to pursue it. It's so much easier as a therapy veteran, I would think, than the first time we nervously call whoever we think might have us.
Posted by gardenergirl on February 20, 2005, at 7:04:26
In reply to Re: NO therapy success?? » rainbowbrite, posted by Dinah on February 19, 2005, at 20:07:28
Okay, I have to join this thread because I am in the spills food all over myself club, too!
Anyway, rain...it sounds like you have been frustrated for awhile. Maybe you can frame your discussion with your T in terms of what your goal is/was when you started, and how far you've come towards it. That is a good reason to terminate, if you are not making progress towards your goal. It could be that you and she are on different pages as to what you want to do. Also, you mentioned that there was this "one thing", I think, you really wanted to get better. Is that what you and your T talk about? Or does she not pick up on that?
Good luck, and try not to worry about the T's feelings too much. That may sound cold, but she is a professional. I've been "fired" by a client once or twice. It may sting a bit, but it's also a good learning experience. And in one case, I absolutely agreed that I couldn't be what she was looking for in a T, so ending therapy was very appropriate.
Take care,
gg
Posted by rainbowbrite on February 20, 2005, at 18:42:06
In reply to Re: NO therapy success?? » rainbowbrite, posted by Dinah on February 19, 2005, at 20:07:28
> Do you have any preferance as to therapeutic approaches?
To be honest even though Ive studied them a little I really have no idea what they are all about, except sort of CBT. Is there one that is better for sa? From what you wrote is seems to be more of a personal choice?
Thanks
rain
Posted by rainbowbrite on February 20, 2005, at 18:56:11
In reply to Re: NO therapy success??, posted by gardenergirl on February 20, 2005, at 7:04:26
HAHA welcome to the sloppy club!!
>Maybe you can frame your discussion with your T in terms of what your goal is/was when you started, and how far you've come towards it. That is a good reason to terminate, if you are not making progress towards your goal. It could be that you and she are on different pages as to what you want to do.
Well I started therapy with completely differnet issues, I came needing help with soemthing that in a way completely unrelated to me, But I have since then realized that my sole problem was something else, which I Believe if I deal with will solve ALL my life problems (I think Im dreaming lol). But for real, it is a huge part.
>Also, you mentioned that there was this "one thing", I think, you really wanted to get better. Is that what you and your T talk about? Or does she not pick up on that?"pick up on it" is a good way to word it, I think my T does not get it at all. I know I avoid, which is weird because I know I need to talk about it and I even want to do it to get it over with, but I still avoid. Its a strange feeling. My T is just not very good at taking my desparte hints and even my direct attempts to discuss ARG!! So now I need the strength to confront and either a miricle will occur or I will terminate. Its very stressful to think about having to do!
Didn't being fired make you hate the patient? I shouldn't care so much, ugh! but I don't know how to do it in a gentle way :(
I am pulling my hair out thinking about it.
Thanks
rainPS - I just spilled tea all over my leg lol
Posted by gardenergirl on February 20, 2005, at 19:52:21
In reply to Re: NO therapy success?? » gardenergirl, posted by rainbowbrite on February 20, 2005, at 18:56:11
Oh no, I'm influencing fellow club members over the internet! :)
No, I don't hate her. I do wonder how she is doing, though.
(((rainbowbrite)))
gg
Posted by TamaraJ on February 20, 2005, at 19:54:07
In reply to Re: NO therapy success??, posted by gardenergirl on February 20, 2005, at 19:52:21
Posted by rainbowbrite on February 21, 2005, at 1:17:24
In reply to LOL Hey, who moved my mouth when I wasn't looking (nm) » gardenergirl, posted by TamaraJ on February 20, 2005, at 19:54:07
Posted by rainbowbrite on February 21, 2005, at 13:16:40
In reply to NO therapy success??, posted by rainbowbrite on February 19, 2005, at 9:53:43
I cancelled appointment. Everyone clap for rain! I will go far in life like this....(sigh)
Posted by jasmineneroli on February 21, 2005, at 19:06:29
In reply to IM A CHICKEN!, posted by rainbowbrite on February 21, 2005, at 13:16:40
Hi: Well here I am sitting in the sweatshirt that I wear to cover my "good" clothes when I eat supper!!! I'm not kidding, I go further than a bib, Tamara!!! And wearing white to eat out...forget it, way too stressful! Is this something most Babblers have in common???
Anyway, Rain, I feel for you in your dilemma. It sounds like you feel like a failure, for this therapy relationship not working out. You aren't!
Maybe you could look at it more as period of self-discovery, to find out what you need from a therapist and what kind of therapy, and from whom?
And I don't think you are a chicken to cancel the app't. I think that was SMART! It buys you some time to really think about it and research different therapies etc.
Can you write your ONE THING down, and when you do eventually find a therapist, hand the paper over, so you don't have to spend a lot of time giving hints and feeling frustrated?
I think you are pretty brave to even start the therapy process. I've been thinking about it, but I feel too reluctant....no, AFRAID, to do anything about it.
Best wishes,
Jas
Posted by gardenergirl on February 21, 2005, at 19:25:37
In reply to LOL Hey, who moved my mouth when I wasn't looking (nm) » gardenergirl, posted by TamaraJ on February 20, 2005, at 19:54:07
I spilled Diet Coke on the front of my sweater on the way to my interview!
Nothing like blotting your boobies in the car at rush hour...
gg
Posted by TamaraJ on February 21, 2005, at 19:33:02
In reply to Re: LOL Hey, who moved my mouth when I wasn't looking » TamaraJ, posted by gardenergirl on February 21, 2005, at 19:25:37
Oh no! Well, I guess it could have been worse. At least you didn't spill diet Coke on the front of your sweater and end up having to blot your boobies during the interview! Joking aside, I hope the interview went well for you.
When I went to vote last fall, I was eating a Dairy Queen chocolate dipped cone. By the time I got to the polling station, I had chocolate stains all the front of my white blouse. I can dress myself up, but I can't take myself out!
Tamara
> I spilled Diet Coke on the front of my sweater on the way to my interview!
>
> Nothing like blotting your boobies in the car at rush hour...
>
> gg
Posted by rainbowbrite on February 21, 2005, at 23:08:50
In reply to Re: IM A CHICKEN!, posted by jasmineneroli on February 21, 2005, at 19:06:29
>Hi: Well here I am sitting in the sweatshirt that I wear to cover my "good" clothes when I eat supper!!! I'm not kidding, I go further than a bib, Tamara!!! And wearing white to eat out...forget it, way too stressful! Is this something most Babblers have in common???
WEll you are officially accepted into our group lol
>It sounds like you feel like a failure, for this therapy relationship not working out.
EXACTLY how I feel
>You aren't!
Thanks
>And I don't think you are a chicken to cancel the app't. I think that was SMART! It buys you some time to really think about it and research different therapies etc.
Thats a better way to think about it
>Can you write your ONE THING down, and when you do eventually find a therapist, hand the paper over, so you don't have to spend a lot of time giving hints and feeling frustrated?
I did with this one and it went weird, I think if I had a receptive person on the other I could talk it out, well maybe, I really need to find my perfect fit I guess and I never thought about that before. This seems like WAY too much work for me ugh
>I think you are pretty brave to even start the therapy process. I've been thinking about it, but I feel too reluctant....no, AFRAID, to do anything about it.Wow thanks, I have never thought of myself as brave in doing that, the opposite actually. I always think this is stuff I should figure out on my own.
thanks for you reply
rain
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