![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 14 of 14. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Dinah on January 25, 2005, at 19:57:30
Sort of at least.
I arrived at my appointment really mad at myself for forgetting the post that was supposed to be the subject of today's session. (Freudian forgetting?) I hinted rather broadly and he offered to let me use his computer and printer. I made a big deal out of trusting him not to return here. He responded by promising, and by telling me that he was trusting me with his computer. :) He sort of looked halfway as I came here and found the post, but he promised he could only see that there were words, he couldn't read them. Which was just as well, because I noticed some headers I prefer he not see. I guess he wanted to make sure I wasn't at hotguys.com or something.
Overall, I figure it was one of those good boundary crossings.
In the end, the post was only a springboard to a discussion that left me totally spaced out and half asleep. I slept in the car, then managed to drive home reasonably safely and sleep again. It strikes me as very odd to go to therapy because I'm afraid I will fail at my job, end up discussing why I might be sabotaging myself at work, and bringing up such strong feelings that I end up incapacitated for the day. I'm still groggy and thick.
Maybe I'd better not investigate why I'm behind in my work until I catch up with it.
And he's mainly interested in what happened and why it happened. I suppose so that I can learn to prevent it happening. At least he saw why I have trouble working. He admitted that working in the condition I was in would be pretty much impossible.
Posted by mair on January 25, 2005, at 21:15:04
In reply to My therapist joined me here at Babble today., posted by Dinah on January 25, 2005, at 19:57:30
One of the last times I talked to my T about the Board (really recently actually), she noted that she's at a huge disadvantage because she doesn't know what I write here or what I read here. I know, Dinah, that you print out posts you've written and let your T see them. I know others have done this too.
I hate it when my t reads back to me from her notes, things I've said. I don't think I could bear it for her to read something I wrote here.
Mair
Posted by Daisym on January 25, 2005, at 21:32:10
In reply to Re: My therapist joined me here at Babble today., posted by mair on January 25, 2005, at 21:15:04
This is a weird coincidence...
I had a tantrum today (yes indeedy folks, controlled, rational me was damn near hysterical "YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS LIKE!")which led to a discussion of how hard it is to be isolated from everyone because of the abuse. They don't know, I don't want them to know. But I said I understood why people join support groups. He said he could set that up, but I told him no, I'm not ready. Besides, I could see myself taking over, running the show, solving problems, being supportive and never revealing a thing about myself. He said the therapist in charge wouldn't let me do that. I raised an eyebrow and said, "wanna bet?" So he then raised the issue of on online support group. He said "it might be disembodied but I bet it would help. You just need to find a few people who you can relate to, and maybe it would even be safer for you and you would ALLOW support. You express yourself by writing a lot anyway."
I was really surprised. I've told him about chatting on line some but I still didn't blurt out about Babble. I'll need to think about that.
I'm always impressed by your honesty and bravery, Dinah. And I think it is lovely that he let you use his computer. My therapist doesn't have one in his office.
Posted by Dinah on January 25, 2005, at 22:24:12
In reply to Re: My therapist joined me here at Babble today., posted by mair on January 25, 2005, at 21:15:04
I read it to him, usually. Or he reads it silently. In the beginning he'd make me read it to him, but that's no longer necessary.
It seems astonishing to me that people who actively Babble and are in long term therapy of the interpersonal sort can manage not to mention Babble. It's such a big part of my life. And a huge percentage of my socializing activity. Even when I'm not in a dither about something Babbly, Babble makes me think about things in a new way and offers me insights that I'd have never thought of on my own. It opens avenues of conversation that on the surface seem unrelated to me, but are of course related to me in some meandering thought process.
It's like Babble is a field of gold. No, not quite right. But Babble is a rich source of something that is integral to therapy. Not bringing Babble to therapy would be missing out on so very much. A depth and richness that makes therapy... Darn it. It's not something I can express.
I'm not criticizing the choices of others of course. It's just that it's been so.... to me. Drat. I hate it when I lose my words.
Posted by Dinah on January 25, 2005, at 22:31:49
In reply to Re: My therapist joined me here at Babble today., posted by Daisym on January 25, 2005, at 21:32:10
Any honesty and bravery I bring to therapy has been repaid a millionfold. There is seldom a risk that hasn't been rewarded. It's one of my therapist's gifts. He truly appreciates risk taking in a relationship.
Unfortunately not true in real life. :)
I was so goal oriented when I hinted about the computer (I talked about how frustrated I was that I had forgotten it, how I would have stopped at the library if I'd have had time, and how the whole session was supposed to be focused on the cognitive distortions in that blasted post and I didn't even remember what I had said), that it didn't occur to me until much much later how improper I had been. Naturally I gave him tons of room to refrain from offering. And I did thank him nicely. But a laptop is a pretty intimate thing. :) I think it was lovely that he let me use it and didn't slap my hand for hinting. A hand slap wouldn't have been totally out of line for being so very forward.
I'm feeling rather particularly peculiar tonight. :) Please forgive me.
Posted by alexandra_k on January 26, 2005, at 1:01:00
In reply to Re: My therapist joined me here at Babble today. » Daisym, posted by Dinah on January 25, 2005, at 22:31:49
t2 knows I am a member of 'some internet chat group'. I tried to tell her a bit about it, but she didn't really seem interested. Thats partly why I think we don't 'click' very well.
But when she asked me how I was going to deal with the memories etc this week I said I would talk about it on the boards. She seemed suprised. She asked if I found people to be supportive and whether I think other people are going through similar stuff.
I think she may be starting to realise how helpful it is to me. Before she just thought I was an internet addict :-(
(Maybe also never just)
Posted by Susan47 on January 26, 2005, at 6:25:45
In reply to Re: My therapist joined me here at Babble today. » Dinah, posted by alexandra_k on January 26, 2005, at 1:01:00
are you aware that there's a History folder with Internet Explorer that records every site you visit and the folder has to be manually emptied (unless your T has it set so it doesn't keep a record, I think that's an option). You might want to know that now so it's not a surprise when you find out later, as it doesn't sound like your therapist is either aware of the folder, or, just didn't tell you. You'll probably want to know that, from him. Or maybe you already know all this and it's irrelevant. :)
Posted by Dinah on January 26, 2005, at 6:52:32
In reply to Dinah,, posted by Susan47 on January 26, 2005, at 6:25:45
I trust him. For one thing he's an internet snob and would consider it beneath him to come here.
For another, he knows I consider it a breach of trust worth quitting over.
Posted by Dinah on January 26, 2005, at 6:53:04
In reply to Re: Dinah, » Susan47, posted by Dinah on January 26, 2005, at 6:52:32
Heck, I'd consider it a breach of trust worth divorcing my husband over.
Posted by Susan47 on January 26, 2005, at 6:54:50
In reply to Re: Dinah,, posted by Dinah on January 26, 2005, at 6:53:04
Wow, and I was going to just say that I thought it was really nice that some people share babble with their therapists, didn't someone say that on this thread? Anyway, I know you have a good relationship with your therapist and what works for you is important.
Posted by Speaker on January 26, 2005, at 9:07:36
In reply to Re: Dinah,, posted by Susan47 on January 26, 2005, at 6:54:50
Dinah,
Because I'm so curious I can't imagine others not being that way. If I knew I could read something and the person I told wouldn't know...I think I would sneak...not much integrity is it? I am usually very confidential but that would be just too tempting to resist for me if I were a T. I know my T would recognize my posts so there is no way I would tell him I even visit here.
You have a great deal of trust in your T --- You are my hero!
Marie
Posted by Dinah on January 26, 2005, at 9:50:42
In reply to Dinah - My Hero!!!, posted by Speaker on January 26, 2005, at 9:07:36
And my husband. I don't trust easily or without cause. If they promise not to read, I trust both of them with my life not to read.
If perchance I'm dead wrong and they do read, well do you remember those old Greek myths about the avenging furies or something along those lines? :)
Posted by mair on January 26, 2005, at 15:46:10
In reply to Re: My therapist joined me here at Babble today. » mair, posted by Dinah on January 25, 2005, at 22:24:12
Dinah - it's not that I don't talk about Babble; it's just that I don't talk about it with any detail supplied. My T knows I come here (she doesn't know the name of the site); she knows that there is good and bad in my coming here; we've discussed both the good and the bad. Lately (yesterday) she was interested to know why I've suddenly come back and started actively posting after having been away for awhile.
I usually don't mind reading something I've written so long as I'm not reading it out loud. I don't like the sound of my own voice, in fact I really don't like to hear my recorded voice. I also don't like having my words read back to me. And sometimes (lots of times) I don't like what I've posted, after I've already posted it.
I just think I'd be very uncomfortable having my T read something I've written here even if it isn't about her.
Of course my reticence may also explain why after 6 years of seeing her, I still have trouble feeling a connection to her. I'm really pretty guarded and I tend to parcel out information sparingly.
It's got to be pretty aggravating for her. She did say something in the last session about how hard it is for her to tell if I'm having an emotional reaction to something she's saying because I'm so composed externally.
Mair
Posted by mair on January 26, 2005, at 16:03:58
In reply to Re: My therapist joined me here at Babble today., posted by Daisym on January 25, 2005, at 21:32:10
I think it's pretty neat that your T suggested an on-line group. When I first started talking to my T about Babble she had a kneejerk bad reaction to it. (as did my husband) I think for her it was bred of being someone who doesn't much use computers, and I think I was the first patient she had who used the internet for on-line support. After awhile, she came to understand that internet relationships could be every bit as real as other relationships and analyzing my reactions to things here was as valuable an exercise as processing my irl relationships, which I don't tend to bring up with her much. To her, the downside of participation is that certain buttons get pushed here, so being here can be upsetting to me, and that I sometimes use the Board to distill issues, so that by the time I talk to her about them, they've been stripped of emotional content. I think she'd prefer the unexpurgated versions.
In terms of your question about worrying about whether she's going to jettison me, I'm not sure when I stopped worrying about that although it did go on for a long time. I think we just talked about it alot over a long period of time. I spent parts of many sessions trying to convince her that she would be infinitely better off if she didn't keep trying to treat me, and she spent parts of alot of sessions trying to convince me that she she could see improvements where I couldn't and that she wasn't looking for a way out. Of course, alot of my thinking that way is a projection of how I'm feeling about myself. If I'm feeling like I'm never going to get anywhere with therapy, I do sometimes start thinking that she must be getting incredibly frustrated with me or bored or whatever and some of those insecurities do resurface.
Mair
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Psychology | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.