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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 7 of 7. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Racer on January 16, 2005, at 10:25:33
Yesterday I was feeling lousy -- full of self-loathing, miserable, feeling like a failure, kicking myself for my failures, wanting to restrict, feeling more depressed.
Then I realized what I was actually feeling: anger, because my husband had (as usual) made a beeline for the computer when there was something that we were supposed to do together towards cleaning the house! "I'm not just playing here -- this is *work*" OK, so it's work. House WORK is also work, and that all falls to me. What's more, I am lonely as hell, and feel all alone.
So, instead of realizing I was angry with him, and maybe approaching him about it, I stayed silent, and beat myself up. By the time I recognized what I was really feeling, I felt like a volcano! Just explosive, ready to devastate the land. And guilty and ashamed and miserable. Turns out, when I get angry, I turn it all in on myself. I suffer from my anger, but no one else even knows it's there.
So, pat on the head and a lollipop for me for identifying anger. Guess I know what SparklingBright and I will be talking about next, huh?
Posted by gardenergirl on January 16, 2005, at 11:32:57
In reply to I recognized an emotion! What now?, posted by Racer on January 16, 2005, at 10:25:33
Woo hoo! You go girl! Anger is okay. Certain behaviors associated with anger may not be okay.
For example, it would not be okay for you to chuck the computer out the window, 'cause then we couldn't email.
And it wouldn't be okay for you to dump cleaning solution over his head, again, cause it might hurt the computer, and then we couldn't email.
It might be okay to say, "You know what? You're an ahem, insert expletive here." But then again, those darned "I" statements are probably the best choice.
At any rate, congrats!
gg
Posted by Shortelise on January 16, 2005, at 12:21:26
In reply to I recognized an emotion! What now?, posted by Racer on January 16, 2005, at 10:25:33
Ah, Racer, what a fine thing that is!
It seems to me that there are people like us who turn their anger inward, and then there are people who turn it outward but not at the situations that engender it. Not that those are the only two ways, just I notice those most.
It's a long lesson, anger.
ShortE
Posted by mair on January 16, 2005, at 12:38:36
In reply to I recognized an emotion! What now?, posted by Racer on January 16, 2005, at 10:25:33
"What now?" is a really good question. It's tough for lots of us not to turn anger inward, because we've maybe never felt safe expressing it. I guess maybe the Ts would say that if you can recognize that you're angry and validate that anger, maybe then you won't turn it back on yourself - but still what do you get to do to vent those emotions? Search me.
Mair
Posted by daisym on January 16, 2005, at 14:05:25
In reply to Re: I recognized an emotion! What now? » Racer, posted by mair on January 16, 2005, at 12:38:36
Progress...is good...and bad!
'cause now you have to examine what you figured out. Not only how to confront what made you angry instead of giving it a self-focus, but also why you couldn't/didn't recognize it right off? In other words, what about being angry frightens you? (Yes, a recent revelation for me too...)
In my therapist's "safest" tone of voice, I'll ask you, "what is the worst thing that might happen if you were to get angry and express that anger in the moment, without first thinking up excuses for the other person?"
Still, sounds like progess to me! Glad you automatically thought of Sparkling bright too.
We miss you here.
Daisy
Posted by Fallen4MyT on January 16, 2005, at 19:48:06
In reply to I recognized an emotion! What now?, posted by Racer on January 16, 2005, at 10:25:33
Maybe write him a letter of complaint all your complaints and then give it to him or not...throw darts at a picture of him..slap a pillow around thinking of him and that house :) I am happy for you as you made progress
> Yesterday I was feeling lousy -- full of self-loathing, miserable, feeling like a failure, kicking myself for my failures, wanting to restrict, feeling more depressed.
>
> Then I realized what I was actually feeling: anger, because my husband had (as usual) made a beeline for the computer when there was something that we were supposed to do together towards cleaning the house! "I'm not just playing here -- this is *work*" OK, so it's work. House WORK is also work, and that all falls to me. What's more, I am lonely as hell, and feel all alone.
>
> So, instead of realizing I was angry with him, and maybe approaching him about it, I stayed silent, and beat myself up. By the time I recognized what I was really feeling, I felt like a volcano! Just explosive, ready to devastate the land. And guilty and ashamed and miserable. Turns out, when I get angry, I turn it all in on myself. I suffer from my anger, but no one else even knows it's there.
>
> So, pat on the head and a lollipop for me for identifying anger. Guess I know what SparklingBright and I will be talking about next, huh?
Posted by fallsfall on January 16, 2005, at 20:45:29
In reply to I recognized an emotion! What now?, posted by Racer on January 16, 2005, at 10:25:33
It is quite a shock, isn't it?
I'll say congrats, but if you are like me you won't be sure that this is really a good thing! No, I don't know what now either.
I'm sure it's progress - but I'm not sure it's "fun" progress.
This is the end of the thread.
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