Posted by Racer on January 16, 2005, at 10:25:33
Yesterday I was feeling lousy -- full of self-loathing, miserable, feeling like a failure, kicking myself for my failures, wanting to restrict, feeling more depressed.
Then I realized what I was actually feeling: anger, because my husband had (as usual) made a beeline for the computer when there was something that we were supposed to do together towards cleaning the house! "I'm not just playing here -- this is *work*" OK, so it's work. House WORK is also work, and that all falls to me. What's more, I am lonely as hell, and feel all alone.
So, instead of realizing I was angry with him, and maybe approaching him about it, I stayed silent, and beat myself up. By the time I recognized what I was really feeling, I felt like a volcano! Just explosive, ready to devastate the land. And guilty and ashamed and miserable. Turns out, when I get angry, I turn it all in on myself. I suffer from my anger, but no one else even knows it's there.
So, pat on the head and a lollipop for me for identifying anger. Guess I know what SparklingBright and I will be talking about next, huh?
poster:Racer
thread:442732
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050111/msgs/442732.html