![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 3 to 27 of 27. Go back in thread:
Posted by Miss Honeychurch on January 4, 2005, at 9:00:46
In reply to Maybe I'll tell him, but...., posted by Dinah on January 4, 2005, at 8:02:58
Also, I doubt he would recoil in disgust. He seems like an experienced professional. He will probably have some interesting insight into this dream!
Posted by vwoolf on January 4, 2005, at 9:34:43
In reply to Re: Maybe I'll tell him, but...., posted by Miss Honeychurch on January 4, 2005, at 9:00:46
I'm sure he won't recoil in disgust. You are expressing a very childish wish for closeness and dependency which is sort of being confused in your mind with adult fears of closeness and dependency. He will understand how afraid you are of appearing to be seductive - he knows you well enough by now to know that you are not trying this with him, and you know that he won't try and take advantage of you. I think you should trust him with this - it will take you onto another lvel in your therapy.
This sounds like a lot of psychobabble, but I really think you should go forward.
Posted by Joslynn on January 4, 2005, at 10:38:20
In reply to Maybe I'll tell him, but...., posted by Dinah on January 4, 2005, at 8:02:58
I have had sex dreams about my male pdoc and one about my female T (and I am hetereo).
I told them both about one of them and neither one recoiled in horror. I think they said what others are saying, that it symbolizes wanting to be close and that maybe also it is a way of wanting something forbidden. I don't remember exactly how the conversation went.
I wasn't planning on fessing up, but then I blurted it out spontaneously, like a confession.
It didn't have a major impact one way or the other.
But if you don't want to share it, don't, there are lots of other things to talk about. I just felt strangely compelled to blurt it out as soon as I sat down. Weird.
Posted by Dinah on January 4, 2005, at 12:11:35
In reply to Re: Maybe I'll tell him, but...., posted by Joslynn on January 4, 2005, at 10:38:20
I've told so many people, and meant it, that it's perfectly normal, nothing to be ashamed of, and that they should disclose or not disclose whichever they choose. If they choose not to they can just enjoy it and let it go. If they choose to disclose or if it becomes a problem they can disclose, and a good therapist will treat it respectfully.
Yet, it seems different when it's me. First of all, I really am ugly and poorly groomed, and I know his first reaction would be a recoil, even if he realized I didn't really want him.
Second, well... I'm not a woman, and it's not right for me to have sexual feelings. Although I suppose you don't have to be a woman to have sexual feelings. I remember the lawn sprinkler...
Oh well. It's no big deal either way, I suppose. The only big deal is that I'd be keeping something from him. And this wouldn't be the first thing. I never mentioned his nose picking, for example. Or the fact that I'm worried that his wife is young enough to still have a baby. Some things are better left unmentioned.
Posted by vwoolf on January 4, 2005, at 13:11:22
In reply to Y'Know it's funny, posted by Dinah on January 4, 2005, at 12:11:35
Dinah you are saying such hard things about yourself. Why are you being so harsh? Do you really think he will judge you like this? How do you want him to see you?
I am not sure I understand what you're saying with "I'm not a woman, and it's not right for me to have sexual feelings. Although I suppose you don't have to be a woman to have sexual feelings. I remember the lawn sprinkler...". Can you explain.....? Have I missed something?
You sound very anxious and distressed about all of this. I'm sorry.
Posted by annierose on January 4, 2005, at 14:39:31
In reply to Y'Know it's funny, posted by Dinah on January 4, 2005, at 12:11:35
Dinah -
I don't need to even see you to tell you that I think you are beautiful. A person's beauty is not on the outside, thank goodness. You are full of such depth and beauty and you are so wise. Surely you see that as a huge part of your self.
I wise I could use words that you do, your thoughts are so interesting AND beautiful. When I read your posts, I often have a Oprah Ahhh - ha moment (however that is spelled?). Ask your son who he sees? It's so hard. I too struggle with my self image, but I try to soak up all the wonderful loving comments my children say about me (even though a part of me doesn't want to believe it). When my daughter tells me (age 11) "Mom you are so beautiful" I can't shut her down, afterall, everyone tells her, "you look just like your mother". So I have learned to say, "thank you". I know it's hard.
Hey - and who defines what "is" beautiful anyway?
But after saying all of this, I would have a hard time sharing that dream with my T. I'm having a hard time sharing the simpliest of things these days!! Try to be kind to Dinah, the grown-up. She had an extremely rough year.
Annierose
Posted by littleone on January 4, 2005, at 15:37:16
In reply to Maybe I'll tell him, but...., posted by Dinah on January 4, 2005, at 8:02:58
I agree that sex dreams aren't about sex.
At one stage I was having two dreams on and off that persisted until I understood what they meant.
I won't go into details, but one was about me and my T's son. I came to understand that that one was about me in control and receiving admiration/adoration. The second one was about me and my T. That one was about me trying to please, me adoring him, me wanting his approval.
Even though they were both sex dreams, neither was really about the sex.
As soon as I understood what the dreams were really about, they went away, which was kind of shame really ;)
I was going to say that you should tell your T about them, the old grist for the mill. But I must admit that I was never game enough to tell my T about these dreams. I have told him other dreams that involved him, but they weren't sexual at all.
Your T knows you don't think of him in a sexual sense (remember the eunuch) and that you don't think of yourself in a sexual sense. I think he would quickly see past the sexual aspects portrayed in your dream.
If you're worried about seeing a flash of disgust over his face, warn him beforehand so he's prepared to hold a nice face.
Also, I know you've mentioned that picture with your dad before, but I can't recall if you've shown it to your T or not. Did he see an uncomfortable sexual aspect to it? I got a heap of old family photos reprinted to help with my sessions and I was really shocked to see how short some of my dresses were. Especially for an innocent 6 year old. They seemed very inappropriate and it was really unsettling for me to look back at them. Gives me the goobies just thinking about them.
I'd be interested to hear what your T said about your photo.
Posted by tryingtobewise on January 4, 2005, at 17:05:27
In reply to Y'Know it's funny, posted by Dinah on January 4, 2005, at 12:11:35
Dinah...
Stop! Please do not be so harsh to yourself. You would not tell your son he is ugly, please do not allow yourself to say it to yourself. I don't have any idea what you look like in real life, but I will say that I read a lot of posts, and am constantly amazed by the insight and self disclosure you graciously share. Even if you do happen to be on the plainer end of the spectrum, your intelligence and kindness are worth so much more than outward beauty. I know it sounds like a cliche, but it is true.
May I humbly suggest that one important thing to learn from your dream is not that you are capable of having a sex dream about your T., but instead that you are sure that he (and perhaps he represents men in general) would recoil. Maybe a topic of discussion at some point is how you feel about the physical aspect of yourself.
Be kind to yourself. From what I've read, the last few weeks have been extremely difficult in terms of life events.
And one last note... Not that I'm an expert (far from it), but I doubt that there are very few men...even well regarded Ts...who would not be flattered that someone has a sexual interest in them, even if it is inappropriate. Recoil??? I don't think so.
Kim
Posted by Fallen4MyT on January 4, 2005, at 18:54:07
In reply to Maybe I'll tell him, but...., posted by Dinah on January 4, 2005, at 8:02:58
it MUST matter............so tell him. Deep down you may want to and are OCD thinking to keep from getting at a key issue in therapy. He surely knows dreams like these happen and have no bearing on him for who he is.
Posted by Fallen4MyT on January 4, 2005, at 19:02:17
In reply to Re: Y'Know it's funny, posted by vwoolf on January 4, 2005, at 13:11:22
I am lost also on the woman comment you have me rather confused
> Dinah you are saying such hard things about yourself. Why are you being so harsh? Do you really think he will judge you like this? How do you want him to see you?
>
> I am not sure I understand what you're saying with "I'm not a woman, and it's not right for me to have sexual feelings. Although I suppose you don't have to be a woman to have sexual feelings. I remember the lawn sprinkler...". Can you explain.....? Have I missed something?
>
> You sound very anxious and distressed about all of this. I'm sorry.
>
Posted by Dinah on January 4, 2005, at 20:15:22
In reply to Re: Y'Know it's funny/ ????, posted by Fallen4MyT on January 4, 2005, at 19:02:17
Sorry guys.
I meant that girls also have sexual feelings. It's not something that happens just to women. And as for the lawn sprinkler, if you haven't experienced a sexual experience while frolicking in the lawn sprinkler as a child, I doubt I could explain it. But I *am* sorry. Very very sorry. ;)
Posted by Fallen4MyT on January 4, 2005, at 20:21:15
In reply to Re: Y'Know it's funny/ ???? vwoolf and » Fallen4MyT, posted by Dinah on January 4, 2005, at 20:15:22
lol ok i don't care what sex or even what sexual preference anyone is/has but man i was confused .,...wish i had known you as a kid i just used the sprinkler to get wet......well, you know....no i never used it your way...but....have a shower massage :P
> Sorry guys.
>
> I meant that girls also have sexual feelings. It's not something that happens just to women. And as for the lawn sprinkler, if you haven't experienced a sexual experience while frolicking in the lawn sprinkler as a child, I doubt I could explain it. But I *am* sorry. Very very sorry. ;)
Posted by annierose on January 4, 2005, at 20:26:29
In reply to Re: Y'Know it's funny/ ???? vwoolf and » Dinah, posted by Fallen4MyT on January 4, 2005, at 20:21:15
Posted by Dinah on January 4, 2005, at 20:28:32
In reply to Re: Y'Know it's funny/ ???? vwoolf and » Fallen4MyT, posted by Dinah on January 4, 2005, at 20:15:22
He sort of glossed over it, and I think his interpretation wasn't quite right. He thought it was because I saw him at the post office where I saw him as a man, not as my therapist mommy. That's not it. I saw my therapist mommy at the post office. Therapist mommies post letters too. But I guess if he wants to see it that way, I'm ok with that. At least I was honest with him.
I did tell him I was positive that it had something to do with the photo. He didn't see anything sexual about the photo. So I guess I just have a dirty mind. Come to think of it, I see many of my childhood photos from around that age (8-10 or so) as being way more sexual than I am now. Or sensual or something.
I did prepare the ground quite a bit before telling him about the dream. I asked about the photo, and told of Happy Dinah's high school and college experiences. Made sure he knew what I was talking about. Then mentioned it. Then checked a million times to make sure he wasn't repelled. Then asked him, if in the unlikely event I had another dream if I needed to tell him. He said yes, dreams about therapists were therapeutically significant. I made him promise not to recoil. He promised to *try* not to recoil. I guess he deserved some revenge since in my efforts to reassure him I wasn't hot for his bod, I reiterated several times that I didn't find him sexually attractive. Complete with comments about Dr. Drew.
I wasn't fishing you know. I'm not sure I even mind that I'm sexually repellant. I figure that at some level I aim for that. My therapist knows about that, don't worry. We've discussed it. And my therapist finds me rather more unattractive than most people. No, he hasn't told me but you know these things. He puts a high premium on being well groomed.
So I did tell him. It didn't seem to be terrifically significant to him, and it broke no new ground. I guess I sort of promised to tell him of any future dreams. I just hope being afraid of having any doesn't bring them on. :(
More of the session was devoted to another topic, but I'll start a new thread.
Posted by Dinah on January 4, 2005, at 20:40:10
In reply to I did tell him, and it was no big deal, posted by Dinah on January 4, 2005, at 20:28:32
I wasn't fishing, but I appreciate all the lovely comments. I'm trying to get better at accepting compliments so I'll just say
Thank you all.
Posted by Fallen4MyT on January 4, 2005, at 21:24:20
In reply to I did tell him, and it was no big deal, posted by Dinah on January 4, 2005, at 20:28:32
Dinah he is human and needs time to think it over and look into all hidden meanings..I bet he will bring it up or themes of it up in time
Posted by Dinah on January 4, 2005, at 21:26:47
In reply to Re: I did tell him, and it was no big deal » Dinah, posted by Fallen4MyT on January 4, 2005, at 21:24:20
He has many fine and useful qualities as a therapist. Insight isn't really one of them.
Posted by annierose on January 4, 2005, at 21:40:57
In reply to By the way, posted by Dinah on January 4, 2005, at 20:40:10
Posted by gardenergirl on January 4, 2005, at 22:49:57
In reply to Re: Y'Know it's not funny » Dinah, posted by annierose on January 4, 2005, at 14:39:31
Posted by gardenergirl on January 4, 2005, at 23:06:16
In reply to You give him waaaay too much credit ;P, posted by Dinah on January 4, 2005, at 21:26:47
LOL, about insight
I'm glad you told him. I imagine it wasn't easy. Good for you!
gg
Posted by fallsfall on January 4, 2005, at 23:16:48
In reply to I did tell him, and it was no big deal, posted by Dinah on January 4, 2005, at 20:28:32
Posted by DissociativeJane on January 5, 2005, at 9:43:35
In reply to I did tell him, and it was no big deal, posted by Dinah on January 4, 2005, at 20:28:32
Dear Dinah,
I'm glad you told your therapist about the dream. It took courage and trust. I admire your strength.
Posted by Aphrodite on January 5, 2005, at 19:49:30
In reply to You give him waaaay too much credit ;P, posted by Dinah on January 4, 2005, at 21:26:47
> He has many fine and useful qualities as a therapist. Insight isn't really one of them.
Thank goodness that's *your* strength! He probably learns quite a bit from you! I would even guess that he's used your wisdom and words with other clients.
Posted by Dinah on January 5, 2005, at 20:52:52
In reply to Re: You give him waaaay too much credit ;P » Dinah, posted by Aphrodite on January 5, 2005, at 19:49:30
He says he's learned a lot as a therapist from having me as a client. lol.
Posted by Joslynn on January 6, 2005, at 21:39:21
In reply to I did tell him, and it was no big deal, posted by Dinah on January 4, 2005, at 20:28:32
I'm glad this went well!
When I "told" about a similar dream, the male T said, "actually that's kind of flattering" along with other neutral psychological stuff.
In retrospect, that was a poor response for him to choose, even if he was just feeling awkward and trying to be funny. Those kinds of comments can certainly fuel a transference.
You don't want the person to be repulsed, but you don't want the person to be flattered either. (Well ok maybe you do, but you don't want to actually hear that.)
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Psychology | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.