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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 25 of 27. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by rainbowbrite on December 19, 2004, at 22:00:11
Hi
I am new here and I am trying to find some information about avarion therapy. I am really nervous and Im not sure what Im doing, but here it goes. I am wondering about therapy for sex aversion, for abuse victims. I also wonder how common a problem this is? Any information would be so appretiated. I am actually really uneasy posting this but I am feeling so alone.
thank you
rain
Posted by daisym on December 19, 2004, at 23:12:47
In reply to aversion therapy, posted by rainbowbrite on December 19, 2004, at 22:00:11
Welcome! You don't need to be nervous here. We are a pretty nice group.
Aversion therapy is usually to prevent someone from doing something. Stuff like rubber bands on the wrist all the way to electric shock.
I think you are looking for something to help you NOT fear or loath sex...right?
It is hard to know what to recommend without knowing what you've already done. If you haven't tried traditional "talk" therapy, I would recommend this first. You need to find a therapist that has a ton of experience working with individuals who have experienced sexual abuse. There are also support groups.
There are therapists who specialize in sexual disorders. But unless you've worked through some of the other issues about your abuse, they don't generally recommend you start with this.
I strongly recommend the book "Courage To Heal" as another resource.
It sounds like you are really hurting. Being alone is the worst possible feeling. Keep posting. I'm glad you found us.
Daisy
Posted by memoryleaves on December 19, 2004, at 23:20:30
In reply to aversion therapy, posted by rainbowbrite on December 19, 2004, at 22:00:11
Hi Rain,
I don't know a whole lot about therapy as I've only either been hospitalized or done EMDR, but EMDR can be a good therapy for aversions. I personally have not been able to work on my own aversions (csa related) in EMDR yet because there needs to be a certain level of trust for me that I was never able to attain with my therapist, mainly because he's a he. I was able to work on some other things with him, just not the csa. I will have to find a female T for that, and even then, who knows? But I have read an awful lot that EMDR can help immensely for this. Obviously there's no one size fits all therapy, but it may be something for you to inquire about.I wish you the best and I think it's great that you reached out. I'm new here too and have found this place very supportive. You're not alone.
Memory
Posted by daisym on December 20, 2004, at 1:01:00
In reply to Re: aversion therapy » rainbowbrite, posted by memoryleaves on December 19, 2004, at 23:20:30
I'm surprised that you feel your trust issues would be resolved with a female therapist. I saw one briefly when I started therapy, who came highly recommended. In retrospect I think I would never have come to trust her around this stuff because my mom didn't protect me. So how could she (the female T) keep me from being retraumatized? Of course, none of this was conscience because I had no intention of ever talking about it. But even just trying to talk about the depression issues with her was impossible.
I just found your post interesting and wanted to add my two cents.
Posted by vwoolf on December 20, 2004, at 2:11:43
In reply to aversion therapy, posted by rainbowbrite on December 19, 2004, at 22:00:11
Hi Rain, welcome to PB. I am sorry you are feeling so distressed at the moment.
I read your post differently to Daisy and Memory. I suspect you are enquiring about therapy to change some form of sexual behavior which you consider problematic, not that you have an aversion to sex (I am probably interpreting this in the light of my own experience - if I am wrong please just ignore this).
I was traumatically sexualized at an early age, and sex has become my first line response to many situations, which can be problematic at times. I have discussed the issue with my therapist at length - in fact I think she is totally sick of hearing me talk about sex. . She says that if at some future date we agree that I have problem behavior in regard to my sexuality, she will refer me to a sex therapist who will do limited behavioral type therapy (DBT) with me to change the way I react to certain stimuli. However she feels it is more important to try and accept and embrace my sexuality as part of myself, as part of the work of integration I am doing in therapy.
I agree with her. I think that it is the underlying problems with my self concept that need to be resolved. Anything else will just be superficial change, and the issues will probably start to work themselves out in some other way.
If what I am saying makes any sense to you, and you would prefer to continue the discussion more privately, feel free to babblemail me - you will find a link at the top of the page under FAQ, I think.
Warm regards
Vwoolf
Posted by rainbowbrite on December 20, 2004, at 7:47:10
In reply to Re: aversion therapy, posted by daisym on December 19, 2004, at 23:12:47
Thanks for your reply
You are right, I am trying to get over a fear and almost a disgust I developed after abuse. I have started therapy but I don't know what to expect from it. LIke what will we talk about and how/will I ever feel totally comfotable with sex again? I have had times when its ok but more I just avaoid completely. I feel like there is something so wrong with me.
thank you again
rain
Posted by rainbowbrite on December 20, 2004, at 7:53:12
In reply to Re: aversion therapy » rainbowbrite, posted by memoryleaves on December 19, 2004, at 23:20:30
Hi Memory
What is csa? I am thinking abuse of soem kind? Are you going to be able to get a female (is T therapist?). I didn't really think about it before but that might be better for me as well. Thanks for you reply.
rain
Posted by rainbowbrite on December 20, 2004, at 7:59:00
In reply to Re: aversion therapy, posted by vwoolf on December 20, 2004, at 2:11:43
Hi VWoof
Actually my aversion is to sex, I have developed a fear of it after being abused. But thankyou for your post, it is always interesting hearing how th esame trauma produces the exact opposite reaction. I actually always thought I was strange because I had gone the other extreme. It doesn't seem that common.
Thanks again
rain
Posted by rainbowbrite on December 20, 2004, at 8:00:59
In reply to Re: aversion therapy, posted by rainbowbrite on December 20, 2004, at 7:59:00
oops I forgot to put names in the subject.
Posted by memoryleaves on December 20, 2004, at 10:08:36
In reply to Re: aversion therapy » memoryleaves, posted by daisym on December 20, 2004, at 1:01:00
I can't be certain that I'll be able to trust a female T but I want to find out. Actually, in retrospect like you, I had a female nurse while in hospital (before EMDR) and I opened up even less to her, and boy did I test her not really knowing it. She was a motherly type, something I was not used to at all because when my Dad died, everything died with him, my mother lost it. But this nurse never gave up on me. She knew bits of my story and wanted to take me under her wing without making me feel like her "project du jour". She gave me the space and time I needed and she could tell when I could accept a hug or not and would respect that. She never pushed me to talk, just accepted. I spent 7 months straight with her, almost everyday. I'd never experienced anything like that before and I believe it was a very grounding starting point for me to actually be able to begin therapy. It helped me to see that not all "mother's", and she does have a son, are distrustful and scary. I realize I was very lucky to finally be helped by someone like her.
I have worked through a lot of my anger towards my mother in EMDR. Also, things have transpired between my mother and I, slowly during this past year, but most intensely within the past month, to bring a better understanding of the full picture of our life back then. It doesn't exactly make the pain go away but the acknowledgement she has shown to me and my sisters, she has really owned up to her abuse and lack of protection, has definitely helped us all on our paths to healing.
Hope that answers your question. I will add this, as much as my male T has felt like a threat when the csa comes out of the vault, he was gentle and steadfast for everything else I needed to work on, and I think I had a craving to spend time with him in the end because I needed to know what it's like to be around a "fatherly" type. I still crave that. Wow, writing all this now I see just how lucky I have been with the care I have gotten.
Posted by memoryleaves on December 20, 2004, at 10:22:53
In reply to vwoof and memory........, posted by rainbowbrite on December 20, 2004, at 8:00:59
Hi Rain, how are you feeling today?
In answer to your questions, csa is for childhood sexual abuse, and you're right--T is therapist. I feel much the same as you in regards to the effects the csa has had on my life. I too, fear and am disgusted by sex. I'm sorry you are feeling so alone, it's a painful place to be. I hope you feel heard and understood here.
Memory
Posted by Aphrodite on December 20, 2004, at 12:31:53
In reply to aversion therapy, posted by rainbowbrite on December 19, 2004, at 22:00:11
Welcome, Rain!
I had multiple counts and differing degrees of csa from ages 3 to 14 from inside and outside my family. My reaction as a young adult was to absolutely recoil. I am now married and in my 30s, and it's still haunting. I am sometimes afraid, sometimes feeling guilty -- the commonality is that it is rarely without some element of flashbacks and pain. However, I do love physical contact -- hugs, pats, hand-holding, etc. It's the actual "act" that's gut-wrenching.
After a year of therapy, I am just now beginning to talk about it. Somehow, just getting it out I think heals so that you're not held hostage in an isolated cell by the memories.
I have a male T, and it is my opinion that the sex of the T does not matter -- it's the soul. They have to be gentle, trustworthy, and empathetic. If not, run for the hills! However, if you have had positive experiences relating to a particular sex (parent, teachers, friends, etc.) over the other, it might be helpful to start there first.
Hope you keep posting.
Posted by littleone on December 20, 2004, at 14:24:39
In reply to aversion therapy, posted by rainbowbrite on December 19, 2004, at 22:00:11
Hi rainbowbrite,
An aversion to sex can be a perfectly normal reaction to csa (the same can be said about using sex). Please know that you're not alone.
I can second Daisy's book recommendation. I'm actually reading it at the moment. For those who are interested, it is targeted towards sexual abuse victims, but a lot of the info is valid and helpful for people who suffered other types of abuse as children.
You may also care to do a search on csa via the bottom of this page. It may help you to see some of the issues that others in a similar situation have had to face.
I hope you decide to stick around here. There's lots of lovely people here.
Posted by vwoolf on December 20, 2004, at 14:25:07
In reply to vwoof and memory........, posted by rainbowbrite on December 20, 2004, at 8:00:59
Sorry, got it all wrong as usual. ;-)
Posted by antigua on December 20, 2004, at 16:35:25
In reply to aversion therapy, posted by rainbowbrite on December 19, 2004, at 22:00:11
Welcome! Your situation is very common for csa and you will find a lot of support here. I certainly have! You are not alone..
antigua
Posted by verne on December 20, 2004, at 19:51:15
In reply to Re: aversion therapy, posted by rainbowbrite on December 20, 2004, at 7:59:00
Although I'm male I had a similar experience with my mother. Before I was placed in a foster home at the age of 5, she slept with me, pinched me about the private parts until I cried, while I cried, and after I cried. I had nowhere to go.
The earliest sentence I remember is, "these are love pinches".
I'm amazed I'm not into S&M or something. After years of being fostered and farmed out, the state finally let my neurotic dad have custody of me and my younger sister. My mother drank herself to death the day Kennedy was killed.
In my twenties I started engaging in some serious self-injury (cutting). Eventually I was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder and even PTSD. I'm amazed I'm still alive. I struggle with the usual borderline excesses but I'm doing better.
verne
Posted by rainbowbrite on December 20, 2004, at 21:08:02
In reply to Re: aversion therapy, posted by Aphrodite on December 20, 2004, at 12:31:53
Hi
I actually had an amazing talk with my therapist today. It was really hard but I think all the support from you guys gave me the courage to open up. I am shocked as to what I said to him. It is good, I guess. I am so stoic when it comes to discussing it sometimes it concerns me.
I am curious about you being married. I want to get married so much but I just avoid men at all costs, or any sexual encounter i should say. I feel like men with be freaked out with me as well when they discover my fears. For some reason all my relationships in th epast they have stuck with me but then again they were all disfunctional. I also like physical contqct although it epends on the situation. So my question is...did you also avoid men?
rain
Posted by rainbowbrite on December 20, 2004, at 21:10:08
In reply to Re: aversion therapy » rainbowbrite, posted by littleone on December 20, 2004, at 14:24:39
I think I will check out that book. I have always avoided anything remotely conected in any way to abuse so taht i didn't have to feel anything but maybe its time.
thanks for your support.
rain
Posted by rainbowbrite on December 20, 2004, at 21:11:54
In reply to Re: vwoof and memory........, posted by vwoolf on December 20, 2004, at 14:25:07
It wasn't wrong, my message could have been taken either way.
I appreciate so much that you replyed.
rain
Posted by rainbowbrite on December 20, 2004, at 21:12:47
In reply to Re: aversion therapy, posted by antigua on December 20, 2004, at 16:35:25
Posted by rainbowbrite on December 20, 2004, at 21:15:57
In reply to Re: aversion therapy » rainbowbrite, posted by verne on December 20, 2004, at 19:51:15
I am so sorry verne, that sounds awful! I am glad you are doing better. It is so hard isn't it? I live in a world where it seems like everyone around me has a perfect life and no one has experienced the things I have. It is so helpful to know that people actually understand me.
thanks
rain
Posted by rainbowbrite on December 20, 2004, at 21:21:03
In reply to Re: aversion therapy » verne, posted by rainbowbrite on December 20, 2004, at 21:15:57
I hope this doesn't sound stupid but I am one of those people who holds everything inside so no one knows that I have any problems. But I finally have broken down and I feel so weak and raw. I am so scared to deal with this issue but it is beginning to haunt me in a terrible way, I can't even say the word abuse without experienceing physical symptoms. What do I have to tell the therapist? Details? It is making me anxious to think that I have to go back to the time and remember detail after detail of the incidents'. Is this how it is done?
Thanks so much (I am sorry for all the questions)
rain
Posted by antigua on December 21, 2004, at 13:26:36
In reply to Re: aversion therapy, posted by rainbowbrite on December 20, 2004, at 21:21:03
Take it slow. Your therapy is YOUR therapy. You will open up slowly as you trust your T and many Ts (mine for sure) says we don't open up until we are ready to handle it. Sometimes it comes out in a flood, and plenty of people here will tell you how hard that is to handle, but with lots of support (post here !) and an understanding T you will get through it. My stuff usually comes out so slowly that sometimes I just know something that I never knew before and I don't know how I know it to be true, but I know it is (confusing?) I think it will be another 100 years before I have (all) the pieces!
antigua
Posted by rainbowbrite on December 21, 2004, at 15:58:10
In reply to Re: aversion therapy » rainbowbrite, posted by antigua on December 21, 2004, at 13:26:36
I think I had a version of a flood yesterday. I am so freaked out today because of it I guess. I feel so frantic and I feel bad asking for help when I haven't been able to give any to anyone here. I am not normally like this, I try to be strong, I just feel like Im having a break down. I know Ill be fine but it is such a rough time right now. I feel like Im feeling sorry for myself...but Im not, I don't think. I am a little all over the place right now. Thank you for your support. I never thought I could get the support Ive recieved here. It means alot. you guys are great.
rain
Posted by Aphrodite on December 22, 2004, at 8:41:26
In reply to Re: aversion therapy » Aphrodite, posted by rainbowbrite on December 20, 2004, at 21:08:02
I totally understand your fears. I didn't avoid dating, but I was always very nervous about the physical expression of love. Unfortunately for me, I did not confront or deal with this before getting married, so being married hasn't made it any easier. However, I think you are smart to seek treatment now -- your prognosis for a fulfilling and healthy sexual life with a future partner will be so much better.
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