Posted by memoryleaves on December 20, 2004, at 10:08:36
In reply to Re: aversion therapy » memoryleaves, posted by daisym on December 20, 2004, at 1:01:00
I can't be certain that I'll be able to trust a female T but I want to find out. Actually, in retrospect like you, I had a female nurse while in hospital (before EMDR) and I opened up even less to her, and boy did I test her not really knowing it. She was a motherly type, something I was not used to at all because when my Dad died, everything died with him, my mother lost it. But this nurse never gave up on me. She knew bits of my story and wanted to take me under her wing without making me feel like her "project du jour". She gave me the space and time I needed and she could tell when I could accept a hug or not and would respect that. She never pushed me to talk, just accepted. I spent 7 months straight with her, almost everyday. I'd never experienced anything like that before and I believe it was a very grounding starting point for me to actually be able to begin therapy. It helped me to see that not all "mother's", and she does have a son, are distrustful and scary. I realize I was very lucky to finally be helped by someone like her.
I have worked through a lot of my anger towards my mother in EMDR. Also, things have transpired between my mother and I, slowly during this past year, but most intensely within the past month, to bring a better understanding of the full picture of our life back then. It doesn't exactly make the pain go away but the acknowledgement she has shown to me and my sisters, she has really owned up to her abuse and lack of protection, has definitely helped us all on our paths to healing.
Hope that answers your question. I will add this, as much as my male T has felt like a threat when the csa comes out of the vault, he was gentle and steadfast for everything else I needed to work on, and I think I had a craving to spend time with him in the end because I needed to know what it's like to be around a "fatherly" type. I still crave that. Wow, writing all this now I see just how lucky I have been with the care I have gotten.
poster:memoryleaves
thread:431878
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20041218/msgs/432025.html