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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 6 of 6. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by cubic_me on December 13, 2004, at 10:51:16
When I don't feel so depressed, I don't feel anything, and to be honest I'd rather feel suicidally depressed than feel nothing. At least when I SI I have something on the outside for what goes on inside.
Maybe I don't want to get better because it will be a scary world out there. My closest friendships have formed with other people who I can talk to about depression etc, mostly because they have been through it themselves.
I am now in group therapy, and have a useless pdoc, and I couldn't discuss this with either of them. Is there a med that could make me want to be normal?!! I'd just feel like a self-indulgent fraud if I went back to therapy.
Posted by fallsfall on December 13, 2004, at 12:56:49
In reply to I want to want to be better (*trigger*), posted by cubic_me on December 13, 2004, at 10:51:16
Why would you feel like a self-indulgent fraud if you went back to therapy?
Posted by cubic_me on December 13, 2004, at 14:04:46
In reply to Re: I want to want to be better (*trigger*) » cubic_me, posted by fallsfall on December 13, 2004, at 12:56:49
> Why would you feel like a self-indulgent fraud if you went back to therapy?
Because, like someone said on another thread, I'd be 'indulging my problems'. I know that it is part of my problem that I don't want to be a burden or attention seeking, but this is more than that. I guess I'd feel more guilty for getting help because (as I don't want to be well) my problems are of my own doing.
This is compounded by previous therapy being free and supposedly short term of up to 5 sessions (I went for 2 years in the end). The demand for the service is high, and I've got group, so why am I complaining?
Posted by fallsfall on December 13, 2004, at 15:29:47
In reply to I want to want to be better (*trigger*), posted by cubic_me on December 13, 2004, at 10:51:16
>>>Maybe I don't want to get better because it will be a scary world out there. My closest friendships have formed with other people who I can talk to about depression etc, mostly because they have been through it themselves
I could have written this paragraph (in fact, I could still write it). I am addicted to depression. But my therapy *is* starting to make a difference. I actually *do* want to feel better. I'm not sure how to make it happen, but I *do* want to feel better. I've been depressed for almost 10 years. CBT helped a little in the beginning, but now I go 3X/week for Psychodynamic therapy. It is incredibly hard (see my post today), and frustrating. But overall, I can see that it is making a difference (I've been seeing this guy for 1 1/2 years). For me, the difference has been in dealing with my unconscious wishes and fears - those are what has been getting in my way.
Cubic_me, it *is* possible to want to be better. But, I'm guessing that you are like me in that, not every therapy will work for you.
Don't give up. A life is a terrible thing to waste.
Posted by cubic_me on December 13, 2004, at 16:00:44
In reply to Re: I want to want to be better (*trigger*) » cubic_me, posted by fallsfall on December 13, 2004, at 15:29:47
>
> Don't give up. A life is a terrible thing to waste.This is so true falls, I know you have been in therapy a good few years, and it's great that you are now starting to see your way out of the mindset of depression. It gives me a little hope.
I read your post earlier, and agreed with the sentiment wholeheartedly, but didn't really know how to respond - sometimes you put things so perfectly that it seems there is nothing to add. Therapy is hard, we all know that! That's most likely one of the things putting me off going back.
In a few years I will be able to afford my own therapy, and then I will be able to reassure myself that I can lean on them, and I am paying them for that service.
Posted by daisym on December 14, 2004, at 0:43:33
In reply to Re: I want to want to be better (*trigger*) » fallsfall, posted by cubic_me on December 13, 2004, at 14:04:46
>Because, like someone said on another thread, I'd be 'indulging my problems'. I know that it is part of my problem that I don't want to be a burden or attention seeking, but this is more than that. I guess I'd feel more guilty for getting help because (as I don't want to be well) my problems are of my own doing.
Cubic,
I said something similar to my therapist today. I told him I spent a lot of time over the weekend trying to figure out what I thought therapy could do for me anymore. It wouldn't fix my life or the choices I was making. And if I couldn't change, then why was I still in therapy?I have to tell you, this led to one of the best sessions I've had in awhile. My therapist talked about learning to "allow" my feelings and to understand them better. He talked about listening to my sadness and learning from it. And then we talked about all the stress in my life and just having a place to unload some of it. To complain without guilt.
Most importantly we talked about "wanting" therapy vs. "needing" therapy. I think when you feel like you do, you "need" therapy. And you need to allow yourself to have it. It will help you live a more productive life. And no one should struggle with all this sadness all the time.
Please call your old therapist and at least run it by her. I bet she will help you sort it out.
This is the end of the thread.
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