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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 10 of 10. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by daisym on November 20, 2004, at 19:43:46
Just checking...haven't seen you here for a few weeks.
I was going to ask about Antigua too, but she popped up today. (yesterday?)
Posted by Aphrodite on November 20, 2004, at 21:19:57
In reply to Pfinstegg? Things OK?, posted by daisym on November 20, 2004, at 19:43:46
Pfinstegg,
Found this Schore PowerPoint on the net. Is this the presentation you attended?
www.swps.edu.pl/new_www/uploads/ promocja.keynoteallanschore.pdf
Hope all is well.
Posted by Pfinstegg on November 20, 2004, at 21:43:47
In reply to Pfinstegg? Things OK?, posted by daisym on November 20, 2004, at 19:43:46
Hi Daisy.. I really appreciate your thinking of me! I've been following PB every few days, at least, but have been very occupied with preparations for my son's wedding to his adorable girlfriend (it's not until next October, but the big decisions about it need to be made now- the church, where the reception will be etc.)
In addition, analysis goes on - such an incredibly intense experience, but also a changing one. I guess the big change for me is that, after nearly two years of struggle, I am feeling securely attached to my analyst. I can scarcely believe this happened! All the *parts* seem to be attached in varying degrees- some happily and calmly so, some passionately so, some more uneasily, but it's as though he's there* inside me to a much greater degree- and this has helped me to feel a lot better. I also can more easily dare to really trust him- just to let go and let the parts speak freely. It's such a relief not to be constantly barraged by feelings of loneliness, terror, shame, guilt, secrecy- not to mention terrible depression and constant, exhausting anxiety. This didn't begin to happen until I was going FIVE days a week! My analyst feels very badly about how expensive and time-consuming this is, but, I think out of his 30 years of experience, he really knows what it takes to treat abuse successfully. He often mentions what a huge problem this is in society, and how hard (or impossible) it is for the majority of people to get effective treatment.
He is starting to write a book about the treatment of childhood abuse, dissociation, and ego state disorders. I think it will be a good one! I'm sure I'll still be here at Babble when it's published, so I can let you know the title!
What is happening with special, warm-hearted you and your so special therapist these days?
Posted by Pfinstegg on November 20, 2004, at 22:06:31
In reply to I was thinking of Pfinstegg too . . ., posted by Aphrodite on November 20, 2004, at 21:19:57
Thanks so much for your thoughts, Aphrodite! I' ve been busy, as I mentioned to Daisy, but even when I don't have time to post, I always try to read what's happening with everyone else. Life wouldn't seem right if I didn't!
The conference you mentioned was a different one- held in Poland last August. (Does this man still manage to have an active practice?) I was very glad to have that citation, though, as it's very detailed. I've downloaded it to read later. Things are going better for me, as I finally have a more secure attachment to my analyst, which the different parts of me can all trust and count on- in varying ways and degrees, of course! This is a real change, as parts of me were totally terrified of him until very recently- they were completely unable to distinguish between him and my father. *I* always knew he was safe, kind and very skilled, but *they* have only recently begun to understand that.
I do appreciate your thought of me. It means a lot. I do hope things are going the way you'd like them to, also.
Posted by daisym on November 20, 2004, at 22:49:37
In reply to Re: Pfinstegg? Things OK? » daisym, posted by Pfinstegg on November 20, 2004, at 21:43:47
Congratulations on the upcoming wedding! What fun to plan. I'm thrilled that things are going well and you are feeling better. It is great that it is working. I know that doing this work 5 days a week is exhausting and some days are better than others.
A book, yikes! Will you be a case study? I'll be interested to read it when he gets it done.
As far as me, if I had written this last weekend, I would have said after an immense amount of contact (nearly everyday) I felt safe, connected and not needy. It didn't last past the weekend but it was so great. This past week was hard because we bumped into a memory that I didn't intend to ever tell him. So not only did I speak out loud yet another embarrassing horror, but we went around about why I didn't tell him and my fear of it being "too much." I also spent some time with my mother and this typically makes me upset and needy. My therapist gave me a lecture about how I think I don't have the right to ask anyone to change to meet a need I might have. And the more intimate the relationship, the less likely I am to have any confidence that someone would be willing to do something different for me. I told him that it would be presumptuous of me to expect a change...just because I needed my mother to listen and not problem solve didn't mean she could or would do that. It is in her nature to problem solve, she believes strongly in "getting over" things. (She does not know about what my dad did to me.) Anyway...the conversation made me feel incompetent and inarticulate and I know he was frustrated too. It left me feeling very alone, feeling very stuck, and asking myself again, what I was trying to accomplish.
It seems to me that I've had more squirmishes with my therapist in recent weeks, but I know it is because I've reached a level of trust and openness with him that my raw feelings are just hanging out all over the place. I get hurt really easily, or maybe the younger parts of me get hurt, even as the adult knows he is right or helping.
I think I'm just really emotional, perhaps I've reached the center and hardest part, perhaps I'm having too much therapy and need some space from the hurt.
But, at least this time I'm not suicidal and know I'll get through it. Growth, right?
Posted by Aphrodite on November 21, 2004, at 6:49:04
In reply to Re: I was thinking of Pfinstegg too . . . » Aphrodite, posted by Pfinstegg on November 20, 2004, at 22:06:31
Congratulations on the upcoming wedding! It's so nice to have a life-affirming celebration to look forward to!
I am also so glad to hear that you are becoming securely attached to your analyst. I know the process has been a long and often painful one for you. You make me feel hopeful! Your information about Schore has been incredibly helpful for me in understanding what is going on with my ego states and how we all relate to my therapist. We have become a better team about getting everyone's needs met, but some parts are just starting to open up to him, some remain incredibly distrustful, and others are downright hostile to him. When we do our visualizations of all the parts, I was alarmed to discover a wounded toddler version of myself who had never been there before. I have not told him how she has been in my mind and dreams -- I think it is more difficult because those wounds are preverbal. Anyway, I will have to tell him soon that my psyche is haunted by yet another stagnated part of me. I'm not sure what to do with such a little one who only feels a lot of pain but doesn't have the ability to talk about it.
Thanks for posting! Hope things continue to go well for you, and I can't wait to hear about your anaylist's book!
Posted by Dinah on November 21, 2004, at 14:45:20
In reply to Re: Pfinstegg? Things OK? » daisym, posted by Pfinstegg on November 20, 2004, at 21:43:47
It sounds like an exciting time for you! :)
Congratulations on the wedding.
I'm so happy for you on the secure attachment. It's a nice feeling isn't it. Well worth the trouble.
Posted by Pfinstegg on November 21, 2004, at 19:36:37
In reply to Re: Pfinstegg? Things OK? » Pfinstegg, posted by daisym on November 20, 2004, at 22:49:37
It was good to hear from you, and to hear how open you are able to be with all the parts of you. It must be an extraordinary situation to try to have a healthy relationship (you trying- she doingthe same as always) when she doesn't know what your father did. Do you think that, on some level, she does know? If I remember correctly, he's still alive, although they are not still together. I'm not advocating telling her, of course, as that can make a very difficult situation even worse, but I wonder if some of her need to and "make everything all right" comes from the fact that she may know something about it in her heart of hearts.
I'm kind of going along in the same way as you: some of the feeling states we are dealing with are so painful, and yet I, too, am no longer suicidal. The future looks hopeful- it's just getting through those incredibly painful sessions, day after day! My analyst would not say that cutting down or having a break are good ideas. he counts on daily sessions to allow all the *parts* to be there- even those which would prefer not to be.
I love how my analyst works, and I love how your therapist works, too. I'm assuming that it's because he is so gifted that he is able to help you experience all the pain so intensely. Not that I've gotten there yet myself, but I do think the time will come when we will both begin to feel that we are healing from our severe traumas. My analyst says, "I wish this had never happened to you - it's a damn shame- but I'm confident we can find a way to help you heal from it"
Posted by Pfinstegg on November 21, 2004, at 19:57:42
In reply to Re: I was thinking of Pfinstegg too . . . » Pfinstegg, posted by Aphrodite on November 21, 2004, at 6:49:04
Yes, thank you- it IS wonderful to have a life-affirming event in the midst of all the things which are going on with me! It sounds as though you've really got most of the parts into the therapy sessions- even the hurt, pre-verbal tiny girl. I've got one, too- as well as all of those others who are angry and distrustful, but are somehow starting to feel that they want to be in there with him, and perhaps have a better experience in the future than they did in the past. We try to allow the very young girl to be there by pre-verbal means of communicating. For example, he wants to know if she's willing to look at him- every part of him- and say what this makes her feel. The language we use gets very simple, and sometimes we scarcely use any- it's more glances, awareness of body posture and tones of voice- his and mine. (he will use all sorts of inflections for "mmm"! He will often try to read my emotion on my face, and ask, in very simple terms, whether it seems right.
He did say, recently in a light, rather humorous tone, that he might be asking in the future for my permission to include something about our work in the book. He said that he always shares what he has written with patients, and will not publish anything unless they agree that he got it right. If the book comes out, all the Babblers (but no-one else) will recognize me instantly, I think!
Posted by Pfinstegg on November 21, 2004, at 20:09:40
In reply to Re: Pfinstegg? Things OK? » Pfinstegg, posted by Dinah on November 21, 2004, at 14:45:20
It is, Dinah- I know how much you can appreciate that. It's very re-assuring to me that my son has fallen in love with a lovely young woman and feels ready to marry. I always worried that I was somehow passing on bad things into the next generation, and, while I'm afraid I must have to some extent, it doesn't seem too major-at least not in the midst of exciting wedding planning!.
I'm so sorry about all the awful things that are happening to your parents. They sound impossibly difficult. You have responded to it all by giving so much love, support and compassion to them, even when they are doing things which stir up old fears, resentments and even hatreds. I know I'm not alone in admiring the strength and health which allows you to do that!
This is the end of the thread.
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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
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