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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 9 of 9. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Skittles on November 17, 2004, at 15:46:46
The adult and little Skittles are at war today. The child is freaking out and adult is saying there must be some reasonable explanation (though she's even a tiny bit worried). I see my therapist twice each week. For the past 8 months the secretary has always called b/w 2 and 3 in the afternoon the day prior to confirm each appointment. Always, without fail.
So, here it is, after 3:30 and no reminder for tomorrow's appointment. Last Friday, there was no reminder for Monday's appointment. No, the secretary is NOT on vacation. Plus, I left a message for my therapist last Thursday afternoon and she did not call me back Friday or mention anything about it during our Monday appointment.
All sorts of things are running through my mind. Is she frustrated because I am so guarded, not opening up much, and doesn't want to work with me anymore - is this an attempt to push me away slowly? Does she think I'm too needy and dependent on her, so she wants to cut out all b/w appointment contact? Do I call too much? Last week was my third call.
Argh!!! Why is this so hard and why do the smallest things feel so huge? My head tells me they are small but my heart feels big pain.
Posted by daisym on November 18, 2004, at 0:04:10
In reply to And now paranoia..., posted by Skittles on November 17, 2004, at 15:46:46
OK, take a breath and think practically. First, did she even get the message? You probably should have asked. Second, what did you say...if you say anything that sounds like, "you don't have to call me back" they usually don't.
As far as confirming appointments, this take time and money. Perhaps they have a new policy to not do this. Look at it this way, you didn't get a call on Friday, but you were expected on Monday, you went, your therapist was there and it was all fine.
If three phone calls are enough to push her over the edge, I'm really in trouble! Seriously, if you are calling too much, (I doubt it) she would talk to you about it. It hurts because your little one really wants to be sure that her spot is still safe, that she still is wanted, even if she (or you) aren't speaking up yet. Give yourself time, you will. It may just pop out when you least expect it.
Hang in there...keep writing. We are here for you.
Posted by Skittles on November 18, 2004, at 0:42:48
In reply to Re: And now paranoia... » Skittles, posted by daisym on November 18, 2004, at 0:04:10
Yeah, I know I should have asked. But I didn't because I was afraid of the possible answer. I'd rather sit here and wonder whether or not she wants to see me anymore than know for a fact that she's had enough. I would die inside if she told me she did get the message and decided not to call me back for whatever reason. BTW, I left the message with the secretary. She told me that my T had left the office for the day and asked if she needed to be contacted right away or if I could wait until Friday. I said Friday was fine.
And you could certainly be right about the policy change for reminder calls. I just wish they understood how affected we, as patients, can be by the little things. If they did, they would warn us ahead of time when making changes. And Daisy, I can't imagine your therapist doing something like that without telling you about it first. Can you?
Thank you so very much to your kind response. You have a true gift with the written word. Somehow you are able to show me where my perceptions may be off while still leaving me feeling cared for and not put down in the least. We are lucky to have you here.
Posted by daisym on November 18, 2004, at 1:06:23
In reply to Re: And now paranoia... » daisym, posted by Skittles on November 18, 2004, at 0:42:48
Thanks, I certainly get the support I need back from everyone.
Sometimes I think therapists don't realize how invested we are in things. So they make changes without thinking it matters.
But you are right, my therapist is very, very careful about that. He moved some furniture around last year and warned me. I was insulted for a little while -- did he really think I was so fragile I couldn't handle a new couch? But he was right, it was better that I expected the changes, because it threw me a little. He also has 25 years of experience at this...
Remember, you need to risk a little to gain a lot. So asking about something might allow you to ask about something else. Like: "I noticed your office isn't confirming appointments anymore. Or, was this just unusual, because I also noticed that you didn't respond to my phone message, so maybe you didn't get it?" Just take a breath and say it. You will feel better. She isn't just going to kick you out without any warning. Believe me, it is my biggest fear. But on my more rational days, I know this isn't how it is done.
You could also tell her this is a fear of yours. I finally did that and now we have a whole way of figuring out what reassurance I need so I don't freak out completely at times. It was worth admitting this, even though I felt tremendously stupid about it.
Hugs from me.
Daisy
Posted by JenStar on November 18, 2004, at 15:50:56
In reply to And now paranoia..., posted by Skittles on November 17, 2004, at 15:46:46
more likely the sec. is out sick or has some emergency...and the T is trying to cover. Or someone in the office has some kind of upheaval going on which makes it difficult to stay as professional as they like.
I'm sure it's not you! :)
JenStar
Posted by Dinah on November 18, 2004, at 17:24:37
In reply to And now paranoia..., posted by Skittles on November 17, 2004, at 15:46:46
Maybe you've been reliable enough about showing up for appointments that you've been promoted to someone they know won't no-show. Which would be an honor, not an insult.
It can't hurt to ask though.
The other day my therapist didn't tell me to call if I needed him as I walked out the door. I realized it after I turned the corner, and went back and knocked on his office door to ask him. Twice. Without answer. :( I had just disconsolately turned the corner again when I heard his office door open. I turned back to return when he apparently decided no one was there and closed it. I figured it would just be too weird of me to knock again so I didn't. But I did bring it up the next time. That he had forgotten our out of door ritual. He was surprised since he said of course I could call him any time, whether he said so or not. And I reminded him how important ritual was.
So don't be afraid to speak up. Just do it nicely, politely, and in terms of how reassuring the ritual is to you, and how disconcerting it was to have it gone. Your therapist *should* be not only respectful of that, but also may learn something new about you and your relationship.
Good luck. :)
Posted by Skittles on November 18, 2004, at 21:56:07
In reply to Re: And now paranoia... » Skittles, posted by Dinah on November 18, 2004, at 17:24:37
and even though it was tiny, it felt huge and I'm proud of myself for doing it. I started off by telling her that I hated how I have such a hard time talking to her because I really want to be able to. I told her that I come every time with things I want to tell her but when I get there, I can't do it and I spend my time between sessions feeling frustrated with myself over it. She asked if I thought I could write some of it down. I told her I thought I might be able to but didn't know if I'd be able to talk about any of it. She said that would be okay.
Then she asked if I could tell her just one thing today. And I did it. I told her that I had left a message for her Thursday afternoon and asked if she had gotten it. She was surprised that the secretary told me I'd hear from her on Friday because she was not scheduled to be back in the office until Monday. She apologized for the mix-up and for forgetting to ask me about the reason for my call when I saw her Monday. She thanked me for telling her and said she hated that I had felt the pain of carrying it around. And she thanked me again as I was leaving.
Thank you all for your encouragement and support. I wouldn't have been able to take this step without it.
Posted by Dinah on November 18, 2004, at 22:19:55
In reply to I took a risk...., posted by Skittles on November 18, 2004, at 21:56:07
Posted by littleone on November 18, 2004, at 23:04:59
In reply to I took a risk...., posted by Skittles on November 18, 2004, at 21:56:07
I'm so glad for you. Sometimes risks can be really worthwhile. I hope you take up her offer of writing what you can't say.
This is the end of the thread.
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