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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 9 of 9. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by thewrite1 on November 14, 2004, at 11:34:39
My husband is getting frustrated with me going to therapy. He really is a good guy. That's one of the reasons I married him, but I think he's tired of the expense or the quest of getting there. I can't really blame him. It's been three years now. He doesn't know the extent of the things I've been through and I don't think it would serve any purpose to tell him.
I can only go to therapy on Sat. because my T is so far away. She told me she wouldn't be available next Sat. I have something I need to do in regards to the upcoming holiday. Instead of telling him she isn't going to be there, I told him I wouldn't be going because I'm going to stay home and do what I need to do. She offered me a phone session, but I'm going to try to get by without it. I'm hoping this won't backfire and he'll think I don't need therapy as much. I don't know.
Has anyone else had this problem with your significant other? I don't know how to get him to understand that I need to be there without going into details about what's happened to me. I feel terrible about being dishonest with him. I don't even know why I did that. I've thought about asking my T to talk to him, but I'm not sure she would do that. She wouldn't even leave a message for me with him even though she knows he knows I am in therapy.
Posted by annierose on November 14, 2004, at 13:23:37
In reply to Husband's lack of understanding about therapy..., posted by thewrite1 on November 14, 2004, at 11:34:39
I can understand why you felt the need to lie. When I add an additional session sometimes, I don't lie, I just don't tell him even though my husband is very supportive. When I first started going, I told him straight out that this was extremely important to me, and I was going to pay for it, no matter how expensive it was, I was going. He knows (and sees) how much happier I am, so he never argues, even though I don't think he truly "gets it". He doesn't have to. I do. I do share with him certain insights I learned in therapy and funny stories. I think he is glad I am there, just wishes it wasn't so expensive. And
he doesn't understand why I won't cancel my standing appoitment for something else sometimes.
Anyway, I think if you continue to keep sharing some (not all) of your therapy experience with your husband, it will help him understand why it's so important to you.
Posted by B2Chica on November 14, 2004, at 16:48:11
In reply to Husband's lack of understanding about therapy..., posted by thewrite1 on November 14, 2004, at 11:34:39
you are Certainly not alone. i have read several posts regarding this. and I am one of them. in fact i'm starting this cycle again. i was beginning to look further around for T (outside our town) and his first response was that "great, now we need to buy a new car cuz all that driving" he went on about gas prices and new car and insurance prices...the whole time i'm thinking, so ...so my pain/sanity is not worth the price of a car???
this is how i interpret.
my husband has NEVER experienced anything like this in his life before and just even accepting that someone he knows (let alone his wife) needs to see a therapist is hard for him to accept.
but i think the biggest part is in my view, most men are 'fixers'. they like to make it better, especially if they see someone they love in pain and then they can't fix it, they all respond is diff. ways, rejection of the process, anger cuz you are turning to someone else, sometimes feelings of failure that they couldn't protect you. not understanding the process.
Has he meet your T? and have you asked yourself why it's been three years? apparently there are things you are still needing to deal with. i think talking about this with you T is a great first step. (unless you already know why) ask them about length of seeking treatment.
i've known people that sought treatment for just over 10 years, and you know what? it took that long...it just did. there is so much when it comes to emotions and hormones and chemistry in our minds. everything from biological issues, daily issues, childhood, school, work, relationships...my gosh.
However, (and i just do this to play devil's advocate) maybe the T you are seeing is no longer giving you what you need. and sometimes people do need to change, venues change, life...changes.Just Remember, you are safe here. and we understand. and gosh dang it you are doing the best thing for you! i think Everyone that seeks out help?! that's Incredibly strong! you can't take care of others if you can't take care of yourself.
Just be proactive. make sure you Are getting what you need from these sessions, and if you need to up them to 5x/week! if it takes that..then Do it! Just, if there is a way to make your husband feel like a part of your treatment, a part of helping...maybe that will help him.
(my husband ALWAYS blames my docs...'they're quacks, they're not helping...they're making it worse...etc.) i know this comes from his desperatae concern and need to want to help me get through all this.-and IMHO (and i know you don't know me from adam...) i think you should take the phone session. if (again, devil's advocate) you do 'convince' your husband you don't need sessions anymore...then what. You still do, you're still hurting, you still need help, only then you have the added stress of someone thinking everything is "hunkydory" and i'm concerned for you there.
ok, i'll stop know.
Sorry i wrote so much.Mostly, just take out of this that these are my humble opinions and i just care and am giving input from my experiences. just please take care of you!
B2c.
> My husband is getting frustrated with me going to therapy. He really is a good guy. That's one of the reasons I married him, but I think he's tired of the expense or the quest of getting there. I can't really blame him. It's been three years now. He doesn't know the extent of the things I've been through and I don't think it would serve any purpose to tell him.
>
> I can only go to therapy on Sat. because my T is so far away. She told me she wouldn't be available next Sat. I have something I need to do in regards to the upcoming holiday. Instead of telling him she isn't going to be there, I told him I wouldn't be going because I'm going to stay home and do what I need to do. She offered me a phone session, but I'm going to try to get by without it. I'm hoping this won't backfire and he'll think I don't need therapy as much. I don't know.
>
> Has anyone else had this problem with your significant other? I don't know how to get him to understand that I need to be there without going into details about what's happened to me. I feel terrible about being dishonest with him. I don't even know why I did that. I've thought about asking my T to talk to him, but I'm not sure she would do that. She wouldn't even leave a message for me with him even though she knows he knows I am in therapy.
Posted by sunny10 on November 15, 2004, at 10:12:25
In reply to Re: Husband's lack of understanding about therapy. » thewrite1, posted by B2Chica on November 14, 2004, at 16:48:11
I'm not even sure why you narrow it down to "husband" or "significant other"....My whole family thinks that I am paying someone to make decisions for me and offer to do it for less!!! Gee, they think they're really funny...
-sunny10
Posted by thewrite1 on November 15, 2004, at 11:47:35
In reply to Re: Husband's lack of understanding about therapy. » thewrite1, posted by B2Chica on November 14, 2004, at 16:48:11
I think my T is the best. That's not a concern. I've been at it for three years because I endured 5 times that in severe abuse. I know it takes time to work through these things. I just don't know how to get the hubby to understand. It's not like he's told me I can't go or any of that. He just gets fussy about it sometimes.
I do try to share some insights I've gained with him, but he doesn't seem too interested most of the time. He really hasn't experienced anything like I have, so I guess maybe it's not possible for him to understand.
Posted by thewrite1 on November 15, 2004, at 11:50:23
In reply to Re: Husband's lack of understanding about therapy., posted by sunny10 on November 15, 2004, at 10:12:25
That's not a problem for me. I don't tell anyone else that I'm seeing a T. They'd all freak out thinking I've gone crazy. :-)
Posted by B2Chica on November 15, 2004, at 12:46:43
In reply to Re: Husband's lack of understanding about therapy. » B2Chica, posted by thewrite1 on November 15, 2004, at 11:47:35
just hang in there write1. remember...YOU ARE WORTH IT! you are doing what you need and to stop now would shurly make things horribly worse.
please take care.
b2c.
Posted by thewrite1 on November 16, 2004, at 21:13:02
In reply to Re: Husband's lack of understanding about therapy., posted by B2Chica on November 15, 2004, at 12:46:43
Posted by konfuzed on November 19, 2004, at 10:22:07
In reply to Thanks!! (nm) » B2Chica, posted by thewrite1 on November 16, 2004, at 21:13:02
I have been going with my wife for T for 7 years. I know she needs it and I am an active participent in her recovery. How can you have a real and healthy relationship with your SO or mate without being honest about your feelings? If he would attend your sessions, he could contribute insight and feel part of the process and be less critisizing of your sessions. I have to take the latest appt's from work, but I let my employer know that my family was more important than my job. We worked out a solution together to make up loss of work.Yes, we like to "fix" things, it keeps us from feeling helpless.
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