Posted by B2Chica on November 14, 2004, at 16:48:11
In reply to Husband's lack of understanding about therapy..., posted by thewrite1 on November 14, 2004, at 11:34:39
you are Certainly not alone. i have read several posts regarding this. and I am one of them. in fact i'm starting this cycle again. i was beginning to look further around for T (outside our town) and his first response was that "great, now we need to buy a new car cuz all that driving" he went on about gas prices and new car and insurance prices...the whole time i'm thinking, so ...so my pain/sanity is not worth the price of a car???
this is how i interpret.
my husband has NEVER experienced anything like this in his life before and just even accepting that someone he knows (let alone his wife) needs to see a therapist is hard for him to accept.
but i think the biggest part is in my view, most men are 'fixers'. they like to make it better, especially if they see someone they love in pain and then they can't fix it, they all respond is diff. ways, rejection of the process, anger cuz you are turning to someone else, sometimes feelings of failure that they couldn't protect you. not understanding the process.
Has he meet your T? and have you asked yourself why it's been three years? apparently there are things you are still needing to deal with. i think talking about this with you T is a great first step. (unless you already know why) ask them about length of seeking treatment.
i've known people that sought treatment for just over 10 years, and you know what? it took that long...it just did. there is so much when it comes to emotions and hormones and chemistry in our minds. everything from biological issues, daily issues, childhood, school, work, relationships...my gosh.
However, (and i just do this to play devil's advocate) maybe the T you are seeing is no longer giving you what you need. and sometimes people do need to change, venues change, life...changes.Just Remember, you are safe here. and we understand. and gosh dang it you are doing the best thing for you! i think Everyone that seeks out help?! that's Incredibly strong! you can't take care of others if you can't take care of yourself.
Just be proactive. make sure you Are getting what you need from these sessions, and if you need to up them to 5x/week! if it takes that..then Do it! Just, if there is a way to make your husband feel like a part of your treatment, a part of helping...maybe that will help him.
(my husband ALWAYS blames my docs...'they're quacks, they're not helping...they're making it worse...etc.) i know this comes from his desperatae concern and need to want to help me get through all this.-and IMHO (and i know you don't know me from adam...) i think you should take the phone session. if (again, devil's advocate) you do 'convince' your husband you don't need sessions anymore...then what. You still do, you're still hurting, you still need help, only then you have the added stress of someone thinking everything is "hunkydory" and i'm concerned for you there.
ok, i'll stop know.
Sorry i wrote so much.Mostly, just take out of this that these are my humble opinions and i just care and am giving input from my experiences. just please take care of you!
B2c.
> My husband is getting frustrated with me going to therapy. He really is a good guy. That's one of the reasons I married him, but I think he's tired of the expense or the quest of getting there. I can't really blame him. It's been three years now. He doesn't know the extent of the things I've been through and I don't think it would serve any purpose to tell him.
>
> I can only go to therapy on Sat. because my T is so far away. She told me she wouldn't be available next Sat. I have something I need to do in regards to the upcoming holiday. Instead of telling him she isn't going to be there, I told him I wouldn't be going because I'm going to stay home and do what I need to do. She offered me a phone session, but I'm going to try to get by without it. I'm hoping this won't backfire and he'll think I don't need therapy as much. I don't know.
>
> Has anyone else had this problem with your significant other? I don't know how to get him to understand that I need to be there without going into details about what's happened to me. I feel terrible about being dishonest with him. I don't even know why I did that. I've thought about asking my T to talk to him, but I'm not sure she would do that. She wouldn't even leave a message for me with him even though she knows he knows I am in therapy.
poster:B2Chica
thread:415800
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20041113/msgs/415904.html