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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 5 of 5. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by alexandra_k on September 20, 2004, at 20:47:58
"there was worry,worry, worry, that I could not help you. I am very unwell currently and that is
not to gain your sympathy but it is a reflection of the difficulty I had with the decision to stop working with you".My T sent me an email. I thought she had been trying to get out of having to work with me for a while now and becuase of my issues I assumed the worst - that I really am unacceptable and abhorrant to others. I feel really bad now. I didn't realise that she was getting burnt out becasue she didn't know how much she really was helping me.
I never learned how to show love and kindness to myself and I realise now that I never learned how to show love and kindness to others either. I need to learn how to take better care of my therapists because, in hindsight I have burned out most of the clinicians who have worked with me. I always remember 2 for the fact that things didn't end badly, and we managed to keep up a good working relationship. But in hindsight what both those situations had in common is that they were time limited from the start and they moved on before they got worn out with me.
I need to learn how to treat my t's better. Any ideas?
Posted by alexandra_k on September 20, 2004, at 21:34:24
In reply to T discloses reason for termination, posted by alexandra_k on September 20, 2004, at 20:47:58
I remember that I had a session with my p-doc where I just cried about how crap my life was all hour. I brought him a card and wrote that I hoped that he didn't leave the session feeling as bad as I felt and that I felt a lot better after I walked out and I thanked him for just listening to me. He seemed happy enough to see me the next time, so I guess that was a good thing to do.
I suppose the idea is to have lots of strategies. Maybe I should aim to do / say something (genuine) to try to make them feel appreciated each session. But I don't want it to seem forced or articifial. I really am hopeless at this. Maybe I am asocial after all, I really don't think I get it
Posted by Dinah on September 20, 2004, at 21:56:06
In reply to T discloses reason for termination, posted by alexandra_k on September 20, 2004, at 20:47:58
They can get discouraged if they don't see that we're improving. My therapist used to mention that a lot, less now. I took his mentioning it seriously and prepared a list of all teh ways therapy helped me for teh next session.
Now I make sure I mention casually on a regular basis the benefits of therapy to me. And I make sure I mention the ones he agrees with most.
Posted by alexandra_k on September 20, 2004, at 22:51:32
In reply to Re: T discloses reason for termination, posted by Dinah on September 20, 2004, at 21:56:06
> They can get discouraged if they don't see that we're improving. My therapist used to mention that a lot, less now. I took his mentioning it seriously and prepared a list of all teh ways therapy helped me for teh next session.
>
> Now I make sure I mention casually on a regular basis the benefits of therapy to me. And I make sure I mention the ones he agrees with most.That sounds like a nice thing to do. In my past my distress had to be extreme to be taken seriously and so in therapy I guess I have a tendancy to focus on my distress so that I can motivate clinicians to keep up with trying to help me. But then this has the opposite effect from what I intend.
I always figured that the facts that I showed up on time, showed respect and an appreciation for clinicians other committments, and treated them respectfully showed them that I valued therapy very much indeed. But I now realise that this isn't enough.
I just wrote to my x t and told her some of the specific things she did that I found to be helpful, and some of her personal qualities that I liked very much. I need to get better at this. Before it is too late.
Thankyou very much for your input.
Posted by Toph on September 24, 2004, at 9:54:49
In reply to T discloses reason for termination, posted by alexandra_k on September 20, 2004, at 20:47:58
Alexandra, I think a good therapist should be able to work with you despite your relational difficulties. If not, they have done you a favor by terminating. I had a pdoc who was also my therapist for many years. He was older and helped me to accept my condition. When he retired i thought, ohmygod, he can't retire! Actually, his wife was dying of cancer, but even with this understandable reason, I couldn't help feeling abandoned. I fact, I still feel this loss 10 years later. But I digress. In termination the doctor asked me who I would like to see next. He recommended a woman with whom he had worked on an inpatient unit. Thinking that my therapy would be more well rounded with a woman therapist, I gave it a try. I don't know exactly what happened but it was a disaster. She had the sessions in her home which I felt was weird. Her husband would answer the door and I could hear kids playing in sessions. I somehow intimidated her and that may have had a lot to do with the feelings I had about my previous doctor's perceived abandonment. Anyway, one day I came to her door and, yikes, she had company over. She had forgotten our appointment. I took this as a sign that she really didn't want to work with me. She kind of seemed relieved when we agreed to terminate. I've found a pretty good pdoc with whom I've worked pretty well for 10 years now, so hang in there Alexandra, the right one's out there for you somewhere.
This is the end of the thread.
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