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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 11 of 11. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by bell_75 on July 24, 2004, at 19:43:43
Firstly, my apologies for not having contributed much as of late...sometimes when I'm in abit of a down state I feel more comfortable with observing rather than participating for participations sake if that makes sense.
Anywho, I'm writing because, much like everyone else here has or will experience it, my time for finishing therapy is looming. We discussed it in this week's session and he suggested 3 more sessions: 2 fortnightly (every two weeks) then one in a month after the second one. EEEEEEEEK!
My problem here is that whenever the thought or i start talking with T about termination I get so emotional and start crying and choking on my words. This has perplexed him abit I can see. Because he sees termination as a good thing that I don't need him anymore yet I'm crying and finding it difficult to even talk about it. He said that when he finds himself being redundant he knows his job is done.
I tried to explain (through the tears) that I have a fear of what life will be like after therapy because its been so long since ive experienced that (I've been going now for abit over a year). T assured me that it isnt forever, I can't not ever come back again if i really need to. Thats a great comfort to know.It's just the crying that bothers me about it. I want to be able to talk about it and be comphrendable but I just can't control it.
I know in myself that I'm not crying because I don't want to leave *him*. I've told him that his role, the building we have sessions in and the therapy work we've done; all go together as one part of my life. I don't see them as seperate to each other so I dont have this really strong attachment to my T as a person or at all.I want to be able to grab hold of the reins of this runaway crying saga so i can have a decent conversation in whats left of my sessions.
Has anybody else here felt that emotionally overwhelmed about termination that talking about it (through tears or not) is difficult?I find it so hard to explain these tears to my T yet he can see I'm distressed. Arrgh!
I need and want to be composed for my next few sessions?Any pointers? tips? words of wisdom?
Like I said to my T...this is the first time I've ever done this so I'm very new to it.
Posted by Susan47 on July 24, 2004, at 22:01:36
In reply to those termination blues, posted by bell_75 on July 24, 2004, at 19:43:43
I have no wise words at all about this subject, it scares me too; I've tried breaking it off with him myself several times too early and all I think I accomplished was making myself crazy.
Your T sounds responsible. You'll be okay. Trust yourself.
Posted by bell_75 on July 25, 2004, at 4:59:47
In reply to Re: those termination blues, posted by Susan47 on July 24, 2004, at 22:01:36
> I have no wise words at all about this subject, it scares me too; I've tried breaking it off with him myself several times too early and all I think I accomplished was making myself crazy.
> Your T sounds responsible. You'll be okay. Trust yourself.thanks Susan. I'm feeling fairly crazy trying to convince myself I can talk about this with my T completely composed.
T is a very compassionate person. He can see I'm struggling with it and isn't about to throw me on the streets :P thank gods.
Posted by Raindancer on July 25, 2004, at 6:51:25
In reply to those termination blues, posted by bell_75 on July 24, 2004, at 19:43:43
I feel for you so much. Would it help to have occasional contact with your T by letter? It might be that you need a little longer to terminate so that you might start to fill the time when you normally see your T with a new project or class to help the transition. Knowing you can go back if need be is helpful. People do go in and out of therapy as needed and it doesn't have to be a closed door. I think it's a bit like a toddler walking on her own after having been supported. It's scary at first and then the confidence grows as she walks further and further and feels her own power and autonomy.
The crying is difficult to contain - perhaps you should let yourself cry and there will still be time to talk. Have endings been difficult for you in the past? You could talk to your T about this
You have obviously done well in therapy and should feel immensely proud of yourself - it's not an easy road. Posting here always helps, so please do. You will be in my thoughts. Please let us know how you're getting on. Take care.
Raindancer
Posted by bell_75 on July 25, 2004, at 7:29:47
In reply to Re: those termination blues » bell_75, posted by Raindancer on July 25, 2004, at 6:51:25
> I feel for you so much. Would it help to have occasional contact with your T by letter? It might be that you need a little longer to terminate so that you might start to fill the time when you normally see your T with a new project or class to help the transition. Knowing you can go back if need be is helpful. People do go in and out of therapy as needed and it doesn't have to be a closed door. I think it's a bit like a toddler walking on her own after having been supported. It's scary at first and then the confidence grows as she walks further and further and feels her own power and autonomy.
>
> The crying is difficult to contain - perhaps you should let yourself cry and there will still be time to talk. Have endings been difficult for you in the past? You could talk to your T about this
>
> You have obviously done well in therapy and should feel immensely proud of yourself - it's not an easy road. Posting here always helps, so please do. You will be in my thoughts. Please let us know how you're getting on. Take care.
>
> RaindancerThank you so much Raindancer. Its so warming to know people understand and you blow me away by your generous support and everyone here on PB.
>Have endings been difficult for you in the past?
Yes, one thing Ive noticed that ever since I was a little child I've always experienced seperation anxiety. Last year when i started out therapy I had a female T and she was quite lovely. We didnt form any strong relationship nor was i close to her but she left that clinic 7 weeks after we had started sessions and i cried in the final session i had with her. Also that session i met my current T so i was getting teary in front of both of them which was akward seeing as i had never met current T before. I feel a great sense of exposure and nakedness when im crying that im too vulnerable for my own liking which im sure most feel. Thats why i dont exactly welcome it with open arms. Maybe it would be different if the person in the room with me could put their arms around me and comfort me but i know that wont be happening here. It is an anxiety to have someone watch you cry yet patiently wait for you to be ready to talk because a million thoughts wrack my brain meanwhile. Its that nakedness and i cant look at my T while I cry because i want to pretend hes not there.
We've sort of talked about this and hes told me that its a positive thing to cry and that i should let myself as its natural and it would be more worisome if i didnt at times.Phew!
Thanks for listening. As I've typed this out I've actually raised some points which i think would be handy to also raise next session. I'll let you know how it goes if you'd like so.
Once again...thank you for your kindness.
Much love,
Bell
Posted by gardenergirl on July 25, 2004, at 15:17:19
In reply to Re: those termination blues » Raindancer, posted by bell_75 on July 25, 2004, at 7:29:47
Bell,
I'm glad posting here helps, and in reading your last post, I thought, yeah, she should talk to her T about that! Good job, girl!I have some similar experiences. I cry so much, and I know that vulnerable, naked feeling, even after being in therapy for one year. I still wonder if he doesn't get impatient about it, or is disgusted about it. But early on when I said I was embarrassed about crying, he said, "anytime you enter a room with this many boxes of Kleenex, you can tell it's okay to cry." That made me laugh and he still says it occasionally. Every once in awhile I have a session or three in a row when I don't cry a lot. That feels like such a relief. But then that danged well fills up again, and overflows....
We are nowhere near terminating, but at times when we have talked about the concept, I find my self tearing up again. Almost automatically. I think it's just because his office and the hour with him is such a safe place to just be...as I like to say, warts and all. And it's okay. Of course that would be hard to leave. Frankly, when I am feeling my most vulnerable, I get more tearful just walking out the door, even when I know I will be back next week. Yuck!
Oh, and I sometimes where my eyeglasses instead of my contacts. It is amazing how well he "disappears" when I have to take them off to wipe my eyes! :)
Take care, dear.
gg
Posted by shortelise on July 26, 2004, at 1:12:59
In reply to those termination blues, posted by bell_75 on July 24, 2004, at 19:43:43
Your post realy struck me - I am in the midst of termination, we're deciding tomorrow what the plan is, but everytime The End comes up, I start to cry. I can't help it. My eyes fill and my chin starts to quiver and if I were to try to say a word it would come out in a great long howl.
I have been in therapy for 6 years. Almost exactly six years. I am very attached to my Mother... er, I mean, my Therapist.
Your circumstances and mine are clearly very different, but still, we have the tears thing in common. It's as though I have some sort of emotional life I'm not in touch with that makes me cry like this. These have been moments in my life when I have cried without quite understanding why, and this is another, though one would think that after six years of therapy I'd have a clue...
Really just to say, I understand to some degree. I would love to talk with him without the burden of tears.
Shorte
Posted by pegasus on July 26, 2004, at 11:42:11
In reply to those termination blues, posted by bell_75 on July 24, 2004, at 19:43:43
Y'know, all this talk of termination makes me nervous! I think part of it is just the word itself. I mean, termination is when you get fired! So, when it comes up in terms of therapy, I always think I'm going to get fired from therapy eventually. Kicked out. Rejected.
Why can't they call it "resolution" or "graduation" or something with positive connotations. Am I the only one that has that recoil reaction to even just the word?
pegasus
Posted by shortelise on July 26, 2004, at 12:35:05
In reply to Re: those termination blues, posted by pegasus on July 26, 2004, at 11:42:11
I couldn't agree more about the term! My T says it's an old one, and also finds it unpleasant but says it's ingrained. I think I'll take a nice fat thesaurus with me today and see if we can find a better word. I'll keep you posted.
It makes me think of The Terminator. If you could see my small, balding T you'd laugh as I am.
Shorte
Posted by bell_75 on July 27, 2004, at 1:23:44
In reply to Re: those termination blues, posted by pegasus on July 26, 2004, at 11:42:11
> Y'know, all this talk of termination makes me nervous! I think part of it is just the word itself. I mean, termination is when you get fired! So, when it comes up in terms of therapy, I always think I'm going to get fired from therapy eventually. Kicked out. Rejected.
>
> Why can't they call it "resolution" or "graduation" or something with positive connotations. Am I the only one that has that recoil reaction to even just the word?
>
> pegasusI agree, the word doesn't come with the positive thoughts and images like it should. I don't know if this sounds abit too morbid but when i think of the term 'termination' i think of aborted pregnancies which makes me feel sad and a loss. I wont go into that debate but I'm saying its not as though either therapist or client is going to die as a result of therapy ending.
IMO there isnt a suitable term for it. Just the beginning of an end and another new beginning...BEGINNING! Phew!
I havent really heard my T say the word but say moreso 'finish' therapy.However you say it, at the moment it occurs isnt so plesant but not all things are in life.
Here's to postive therapy graduation!!!
Posted by gardenergirl on July 27, 2004, at 8:45:50
In reply to Peagus you speak my exact thoughts there » pegasus, posted by bell_75 on July 27, 2004, at 1:23:44
You know I used to use the term graduation at times, too. But it would come across, at least to me, as a bit too ahh, what's the word? flip? or somehow diminished the significance of the personal gains made. Perhaps finishing a round of pure CBT would feel like a graduation to me, but dyamic therapy feels somehow different.
How about moving forward? Done for now? Moving on? Ugh, I just used the thesaurus in Word for "termination" and the suggestions are all awful...annihilation, execution, massacre...
We definitely need a new word...How about achievement? Conclusion?
Good thread...
gg
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