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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 7 of 7. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Racer on June 10, 2004, at 14:27:02
This is short, because I'm really exhausted today.
I had my first session with the new therapist today, and am cautiously optimistic about our prospects. She listened to me, although she doesn't yet know me well enough to "hear" some of what I'm saying -- and it was OK. We did start off with a quick word about my control issues -- feeling out of control, added with feeling unable to direct things toward a good outcome, and resisting control when I don't trust the person trying to control me, etc. That came up when she started out by telling me what she hoped for from our first session, and asking me what I wanted from it.
She wanted to get to know me a little, hear what I had to say a little, and see what I wanted from our first session. I told her that I had that control thing going on -- that I feel unable to direct things to a good outcome -- but wanted her to start me in a good direction for starting. So, she did. That worked, too. She started with my previous therapy experiences, what had worked, what hadn't worked, etc. I started off with general things, then she asked specifics about the last three -- which took the rest of the session. She did tell me she was angry to hear what I'd reported, which, of course, gets my back up a little -- that's something we can address later: why I get defensive when someone else is angry or sympathetic for something that happened to me -- but it was good overall. A gentle toe into the water thing.
It was better than I had hoped in most ways. She didn't let me play human steamroller, which I can do (genetic -- you should meet my aunt), and she didn't overwhelm me with "you need to do [x]" type things. She did put me on the spot, but she didn't know that she was doing it. She asked what I was going to do for the next week. Hello? Most days now I can't do more than read these babble boards and any email I get. And that really bothers me. But she didn't know how much I'm beating myself up about how little I'm doing, so that's something that I'm sure we'll get to. (And I know she had to ask: while I've rallied a little in the last 24 hours, it's after a marathon of considering different suicide methods, which one to choose, rather than whether to do it. The good news on that is that I did tell our marriage counselor and my husband, rather than hiding it, so they're aware and watching out for me. So, this new T had to ask.)
Dinah, I checked. Her ankles are nice, and it looks as if she shaves her legs. She did have less than ideal shoes, but they looked solid and comfortable. Her shirt was spun silk, which I like, and my only appearance complaint is that she's quite slim and pretty. Fortunately, she has one of those personalities that seems designed to help you forget how pretty she is and make her less intimidating. (Does that make sense? *I* know what I mean.)
Posted by Poet on June 10, 2004, at 15:43:44
In reply to Report on new T (includes note for Dinah), posted by Racer on June 10, 2004, at 14:27:02
Racer,
Going to a new T, was hard, and you did it. I'm proud of you.
I'm tired of being asked by my T how my week was, what I'm doing next week and do I promise to keep my self safe for another week. Every day is the same, every week is the same. I feel bad that I can barely do more than babble, too.
I'm sorry you are floating (not sinking, we will not drown!) in the depression puddle with me. I'm sorry company, but I'm understanding company.
Poet
Posted by shadows721 on June 10, 2004, at 16:02:38
In reply to Report on new T (includes note for Dinah), posted by Racer on June 10, 2004, at 14:27:02
I am happy for you. It's not easy going to a new T and I know what you mean about that question< What do you do with your time>
I have a question about that focusing thing, I do it too with the t. But, it is on their mole. I feel a bit quilty. Don't know if I should bring it up or not.
Posted by pegasus on June 10, 2004, at 17:22:11
In reply to Report on new T (includes note for Dinah), posted by Racer on June 10, 2004, at 14:27:02
I'm so glad you had an overall good first session with your new T! Those can be nerve wracking times. She sounds pretty good, and I hope she keeps seeming that way as you move forward. Maybe her being angry about your reports of previous therapy is a sign that she'll not be going down that path. Which is good, right? But I know what you mean about feeling defensive when they say things like that. It's a weird paradox that I don't quite get, but I have definitely experienced it.
pegasus
Posted by Dinah on June 11, 2004, at 20:31:12
In reply to Report on new T (includes note for Dinah), posted by Racer on June 10, 2004, at 14:27:02
Yeah, I do know what you mean. :)
It sounds like a good first session! And first sessions are hard, so you've gotten that over with.
I've got my fingers crossed for you that this is the one.
Posted by Racer on June 12, 2004, at 7:54:08
In reply to Re: Report on new T (includes note for Dinah) » Racer, posted by Dinah on June 11, 2004, at 20:31:12
> Yeah, I do know what you mean. :)
>{in a very, very small voice} good
because our marriage counselor laughed at me when i said my only objection was that she was so slim and pretty
said i was slim and pretty
i said maybe -- but the new T wore it on the outside!
Here's a lyric from Chelsea Hotel by Leonard Cohen:
I remember you well in the Chelsea Hotel
you were famous, your heart was a legend.
You told me again you preferred handsome men
but for me you would make an exception.
And clenching your fist for the ones like us
who are oppressed by the figures of beauty,
you fixed yourself, you said, "Well never mind,
we are ugly but we have the music."What can I say? I guess I'm just feeling oppressed by figures of beauty. (Except for that Willendorf Venus, you know?)
(And this whole thing does relate strongly to my resistance to taking any meds -- since I've always felt this way, and always will feel this way, and can't remember ever having felt any other way; and since I can only remember now being fat, lethargic, constipated and anorgasmic on the meds, and I've never felt any differently, why on earth would I want to cooperate with anyone trying to give them to me again? It feels like helping the robber pack up your jewelry, you know?)
Now, Dinah, aren't you proud of me for proactively avoiding danger by checking out her bare ankles? Or are should-never-be-bare ankles a prerequisite for a good therapist?
(And I"ve learned my lesson with pdocs, too: I will check out the shoes VERY carefully right out of the box.)
Posted by Dinah on June 12, 2004, at 8:33:03
In reply to Re: Report on new T (includes note for Dinah), posted by Racer on June 12, 2004, at 7:54:08
lol.
FWIW, I agree with you about meds. I take them sparingly and at the lowest doses, and find that maintenance therapy picks up the slack mainly. It's amazing how so many of the things I considered physical have decreased to a very manageable level at twice a week therapy.
This is the end of the thread.
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